Colin Powell Gonna Bomb His HomeHere is a really funny Flash animation concerning
American Policy in Afghanistan. Thanks to my uncle. Here is another Flash animation, not quite as funny as the first, but still funny, concerning the
same topic. Thanks to I forget.
Jokes from Serpa:
Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.
Q: How do you play Taliban bingo?
A: B-52...F-16...B-1...
Q: What is the Taliban's national bird?
A: Duck
Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.
Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?
A: So they can see their Air Force.
Q: What do Osama bin Laden and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from!
Q: What's the difference between the Taliban and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket
Q: What's the five day forecast for Afghanistan?
A: Two days.
Q: Why doesn't the Taliban have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day?
A: Because the camels can't handle it.
And here are two links concerning references in Led Zeppelin's music concerning the Hobbit and The Lord Of the Rings, which is appropriate since the first of the movies will be out in less than 5 weeks. Good Zeppelin-Tolkien site. Better Zeppelin-Tolkien site.
GeekageLots of things popping over in the tech sector these days. Today, Windows XP has been launched. "The system promises fewer computer crashes and will allow users to delete data from their hard drive," says
this CNN article. Wow! I will be able to delete data? That's fucking awesome! I was wondering why most of my hard drive was full. I guess that whole recycle bin on the desktop doesn't work, eh? Maybe this'll mean Jon can stop buying new hard drives. ;) You can delete things now. Hot damn. It's sentences like those that make me wonder why they even bothered typing it out.
I love the pic of Gates in that article, too. I think some invisible guy is giving him the Vulcan death grip.
I also found this neat article over at... uh... damn. I don't know where I got it. But anyhoo, it looks like black holes can give off energy as well as sucking in everything in its path. This happens when the black hole comes into contact with a magnetic field. Does that mean that black holes can't "digest" magnetic fields? If so, I guess these huge voids in space have met their match. Or something.
Hey, there's a lot of American internet users out there. Like, five times more than any other country and probably more than all other countries combined. I wish there was a pie chart I could look at to get an idea of how much we own in cyberspace, but I guess this site will have to do.
According to the Sunday fliers, one could get a 16x internal DVD player for $50 after rebates at the Best Buys in my area. Hmmm... I'm tempted.
And I'm only 45% geek. "You probably work in computers, or a history deptartment at a college. You never really fit in with the 'normal' crowd. But you have friends, and this is a good thing."
Rage against the machineI was dicking around with NES emulators today, since it seems that my current version of
Nesticle doesn't have sound if you're operating system is Win2k. I found
a good substitute, too. And maybe later I'll get me some more games than what I currently have. But anyways...
It looks like that sometime in this coming decade, Capcom's prediction will come true: Megaman will be born. That also means that there will be an uprising in the sentient robot population, and the creations of a pair of doctors will cause lots of mini-nuclear explosions in the same unknown city over and over again. The heralded blue bomber of Dr. Light will emerge victorious several times, first against Dr. Wily and then against some other doctors. And that doesn't even include what prophecies lie in the Playstation, Sega Saturn (what?), Game Boy, and Super Nintendo installments of Megaman... perhaps a new soccer league?
And if Megaman 6's intro is of any indication, we're gonna get to see some type of robot Gathering some time this century! Woo! I can't wait.
I wonder what other futuristic video games say about the years following Y2K. I'm sure a lot of the games' developers predicted that we'd be colonizing space by now, and then some hero will emerge to take out the evil genius by hoping over obstacles and collecting hearts or some shit while moving through a 2-D environment. In the future, I hope that if such a post-apocalyptic space odyssey does occur, the land won't be riddled with a bunch of drones that can only jump in place while firing one white bullet of energy at a time. It seems like a waste of the bad guy's time and money if the soon-to-be hero space ranger guy can take the fucker out with a couple shots from his or her weak weapon of infinite ammunition. Boom. There goes a few million dollars. Next? Hey, another one...
Perhaps I'm looking too deep into this. After all, it's all fiction and made for entertainment. But hey, I'm bored and I needed something to blab about. Heh.
SuckageFor those of you who bathe, this may or may not have happened to you:
You're lathering up your hair with your choice of shampoo, and then you carelessly wash the excess shampoo off your hands, and then BAM! Herpes. Ok, maybe not, but what's arguably equally painful is rubbing your eyes when you still have a little bit of shampoo or soap on your hands. There's no amount of water you could use to flush your eye out that will make the dryness and burning go away for the next 10-15 minutes.
And if you do go through soap more often than say, a bar a semester, this may have also happened to you:
You get in the shower only to realize there is no bar of soap at your disposal. This gives you two options: get out of the shower and retrieve a bar of soap from the bathroom closet or wherever, creating puddles of water all over the floor and exposing you to the cold tiled floor. Or, you could use the liquid soap shit that hides in one of the corners of the tub. Of course, any man with any self-respect would rather go soap-less than use the lilac-scented bottle of femininity. Dilemmas, dilemmas.
Game 3: Mariners at YankeesWent to the game on Saturday, here's the story:
It was my first playoff game, and also my first game at Yankee Stadium, but I didn't even know I was going until 12:30 PM.
Mike called at precisely 12:30 like he said he was going to. I showered, dressed, walked to the train station to catch the 1PM from New Rochelle to Grand Central Station. Its quicker for me to get to the park if I go from New Rochelle to 125th St. Station (Harlem), and then the D train from 125th St. to the Bronx, but my friends were at Grand Central, since they had been in the city already during the day. (Grand Central is just one more stop down from Harlem on the Metro North).
Anyways, I meet the guys Mike (aka Michael Melvin Forman, aka Eddie Munster, aka Melvin, aka MM, aka Butthead), Casey (aka Casey Hodges, aka who are you again?, aka Mr. Civic, aka CHodges, aka Beavis) and Matt (aka Matt Wilson, aka Wilson!, aka oh Mr. Wilsonnnnnnnnnn!) at GC, and after a quick stop at the ATM machine, we go to lunch at this little corner pizza place on the lower level of GC. It had great pizza, but was expensive, as my medium soda and 2 slices came to a whopping $8.60. (Makes me yearn for the days of $2.50 for 2 slices and a soda at Gino's on 4th in Troy). Just remember that everything is jacked up in New York, and you're ready to do business.
After eating we wandered around Grand Central, until we decided to hit the subway to the game. So as of yet, I still have not set foot outside in Manhattan since I moved to the area. I guess that makes me wicked cool. I bought a Metro Card which is a credit card for riding the subway system in NYC, and we boarded a D train that would take us north to the Bronx, and right to Yankee Stadium at 157th St.
The first stop we came to from Grand Central (50th St.) was the 59th St. station. As we were pulling to a stop, me and my friend from work look up to see staring in the window, a very familiar face if you know your movies or even if you are a Knicks fan: Spike Lee! Yes it was really him, and we were dumbfouded as he got on the train and stood right next to us. He definitely was trying to be covert, and didn't want to cause a disturbance, so we didn't ask for his autograph or anything, (or even talk to him for that matter), but we did give him the smile and nod, and he nodded back. It was cool, and it was my first celebrity sighting since coming to the 'Big City'TM. So anyways, he rode the train all the way to the stadium with us, verynon-chalant, most people not even recognizing him, or not noticing him. A few guys as they would get on or off would go 'hey its Spike Lee' or whatever, but for the most part he was pretty anonymous. Its really cool to see celebrities that are still down to earth, and aren't afraid to be in public spaces. He didn't even have anyone with him!
So anyway, we finally get to the stadium, and we have to wait outside for my friend Mike's Aunt and Uncle to show up. We were treated to a plethora of exciting smells during this time: roasting peanuts and sausages outside the park, raw sewerage climbing up from underground, burning grease from a sausage cart where grease had accidentally spilled onto the coals, raw sewage from Hudson Bay, back alley piss, horse shit from the police horses, and more sauages. We meet MM's (Michael Melvin's) aunt and uncle, and proceed inside. The only problem to this is, they won't let Beavis and Butthead inside with their bags that they had from their language classes earlier in the day at NYU. So we bring their bags to Melvin's aunt and uncle's car, all the while talking about how exciting it was to see Spike Lee. I felt bad for MM, since he didn't actually see Spike Lee. I had tried to say something to him on the train, but I said it quitely so as not to bring down the wrath of Mars Blackmon, and because of a miscommunication, I thought he knew El Spiko was on the train when he really didn't. But he did see him on the way out of the train. Spike Lee was a general topic of conversation the rest of the day, and I can foresee more of the same when we all get back to work on monday and tell our co-workers.
OK, so once we clear up the bag situation, we get back to the stadium, and its such a beautiful day! 70 degrees farenheit at game time. We were there at least 45 minutes early, and both teams are still doing batting practice and whatnot. Our seats are in left field, third deck, hanging over the field, about 10 rows from the top of the stadium. At $50, still well worth it for my first playoff game, even if I do HATE the Yankees. Meeting us at the game is my brand new manager, Jim (aka Jim Valentino, aka Jimmy Vee, aka the Big V), and my old manager, but still my manager, but also Jimmy V's manager (as well as MM's manager, and CHodges' manager) Cris (aka Cristian Perez, aka El Perez, aka Master of the Universe). I sat with Melvin and his aunt and uncle, while the other 4 sat two rows in front of us.
At the start of the game, they announced to a chorus of boos that Michael Bolton! would sing the National Anthem. Interesting side note, according to VH1, Michael Bolton started out his muscial career as a singer for a metal band. I guess that was before he became a no-talent-ass-clown.
What was really neat was that during the anthem, they had an army color guard from a currently 'active' division (that means that some members of their division are in Afghanistan right now saving your ass) march in and hold aloft this incredibly huge US Flag. The flag easily covered one third of the outfield space, which I would guess would make the flag about an acre in area. At the end of the anthem, a bald eagle was flown from the bleachers in centerfield to the pitcher's mound. An annoucer made a special note that the eagle could not be released in the wild because it would not know how to survive, in case there was any of those extremely left, crazy PETA people in the audience. (I can say this since one of my best friends works for PETA, and he enjoys a little bit of ribbing now and then. And so does his mom, and I'm more than happy to oblige her as well ;). My friend is mentioned in that article that I just linked to.
Anyways, after all the pomp and circumstance, the game got underway, and it was a good game at first, two good pitching matchups for a few innings, Orlando Hernandez, and Jaime Moyer. Some good defensive plays in the first few innings by Stan Javier and Derek Jeter. Until the fourth when it all unravelled for the Yanks. Chuck Knoblauch didn't make what would have been an incredible catch in leftfield that led to 2 Mariners runs, and then in the fifth, the floodgates just opened. The fans were second guessing every call, and every move by Joe Torre. Mike Stanton threw away a ball on abunt that would have eliminated the lead runner, but instead let in two more runs, and then Mark McClemore hit a huge triple after an intentional walk to Ichiro, who is so incredibly fast as to be unbelieveable. He was standing on home plate as McClemore, no slouch when it comes to running, was rounding second.
Speaking of Ichiro, I was completely shocked by the behavior of the fans up in the leftfield grandstand. You should have heard some of the terrible racist things they were saying, including at one point a chant of 'slant, slant, slant...'. Oh my god. There was this little Asian Girl, couldn't have been more than 10, who had 2 signs, an Ichiro sign and a Mariners sign, and some big dumb drunk fuck grabbed both signs and ripped them up and made the girl cry. Then he laughed. It took the stadium security about .3 seconds to throw that guy out. Whew.
Anyways, by the time the 7th inning rolled around, at least half of the Yankees fans had left since they are poor losers, which comes from having 3 straight world series bought for them and handed straight to them, like a spoiled rich roommate whose parents do his laundry. So we decided to get out of our east bumb fuck seats and get down to the box seats. (By that time, it was just Beavis and Butthead, and Butthead's aunt and Uncle and me left). It was cool, we watched the last 2 innings from the field level seats, second tier. They won't let you into the first tier unless you have tickets for there, no matter how many empty seats there are. We watched as some drunk kids tried to break this rule repeatedly, only to be reprimanded. After their third time of getting pushed out of those seats, they started talking shit with the usher who guarded the path, and were promptly thrown out, among a chorus of cheers.
At the end of the game, we were able to get onto a nearly empty subway car, since a good portion of the fans had left WAY before us, added to the fact that we had to walk to the parking garage to get Beavis and Butthead's bags, and then walk back to the subway station. As we 3 sat for a few minutes waiting for the subway to fill up a little, we looked at the Metro North train scheduled and realized we would have a leeway of about 3 minutes fromt the time our subway train reached 125th St. to walk up three flights from the subway station, and one block on the street in the middle of Harlem and up one flight of stairs to the elevated Metro North train station at 125th St, or else we'd have to wait an hour in the middle of Harlem at night. So we pulled into Harlem D Station, and ran as fast as our slowest member (me) could run up the three flights in the subway to street level (I finally made it outdoors in Manahattan, if only for a few minutes). Ran down the block, 3 Crackers in the middle of Harlem, and up the stairs of the Metro North, able to just barely get on the train in time for the 35 minute trip back to New Rochelle. Since Beavis and Butthead were going to Stamford, they were eligible to wait for an express, and probably got into Stamford at about the time I was getting into New Rochelle, even though Stamford is a 30 minute train ride from New Rochelle on a non express train.
So that's my story. I must say I had a really great time. I relly liked being in Yankee stadium, and some of the atmosphere outside before the game (though not necesarily the smells). Even though Ihad to put up with the smelly, racist, inbred, halfwit Yankee fans, it was a worthwhile experience. In fact, I liked it so much, I am going again on monday night, for game 5. Hell, if the Yankees get to the World Series (and that's a big IF ;) I might even take in a game then. Which would be totally cool. You might be able to expect another report on monday nights game, especially since this time, I am bringing my camera.
Love,
-Jonathan
PS: sorry this is so long.
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