* Teachers beware: not letting your students cheat on an exam may cause you to be attacked by students armed with hockey sticks, revolvers, and explosive bombs. I guess some people drank the wrong cup of goat's milk in the morning... Get it? It's a play on the "got up from the wrong side of the bed" phrase, but it's India, and they must drink goat's milk... but they do have beds, so I'm not saying they don't have beds... I think... It's official! I'm a rambling idiot.

* My night with an HTML-coding stripper. It's a great short story by this guy named Matt and... well, he goes to a strip club and... uh... find out for yourself. It's funny.

* Looks like if you went to buy a copy of the movie Pearl Harbor in Malaysia, you got a little more than you bargained for.

* Time for me to have flashbacks of Minds and Machines discussions. Some science guy says that consciousness can persist even though the mind is dead. That's freaky. I guess this means the "Is there a soul?" debate will be ressurected once again.

What a scam web creation is. We found some interesting pricing. Here are a pair of them:

7 page web site, 7 internal hyperlinks, 7 external hyperlinks,12 graphics (scanned or stock), custom background or border, 4 stock animations, CGI statistical data (from host), Meta tags - $1100

Additional Form: $50.00
Additional Page: $50.00
Additional Header/Logo Graphic to match existing set: $25.00
MS Outlook stationery: $25.00
MS IE Favorites Icon: $15.00
Custom Button Set (11): $10.00
Additional Buttons to match existing set (5): $5.00
Scanning of items: $2.00

What the hell? As I look through a bunch of sites that claim to have "ultra web site experience," not only can I not help laughing at their prices, their own web sites have broken links, large text, default link colors, and meaningless animations. That's just what I want to convey to a potential customer: a site that looks like it was made using Geocities Page Builder or whatever the hell it's called.

me: heh, if making other people's sites was a full time job...
i would so be there
Merik: lol
me: and i look at these sites that offer web site creation services.
most of them look like ass. :p
me: heh, to each his own, I guess
Merik: I know heh? And they probably all say "I just work on my customers, I don't have time for my own site"
me: or perhaps their site is out of date.
no one in their right mind would shell out $1100 for a 7-page site with some links and pictures.
maybe 5 years ago, sure...

--------------------------------------------------

And watermelon kicks ass. Bonus points if it's seedless, too. Yum!

Jake: i am down to 3 eonium roids
me: i've been going through eonium like wildfire now
me: well, you can't really go through wildfire
me: but you get a general idea
Jake: what idea is that?
Jake: any specific idea?
me: well, you see
Jake: or just a general idea
me: no, it's general
Jake: ahh
Jake: like
[there's a pause]
me: yup.
Jake: ahh
me: hehehe
Jake: me and a friend are making and selling jewish bacon
me: is it like canadian bacon?
Jake: no
Jake: it all comes from this pig
me: mmmmm
me: pig
[...]
Jake: [click here]
me: hehe
Jake: heehee
Jake: and here is the text that goes along with the product:
<hr>
To: Jews.
From: Rabbinical Council
CC: Other People

Hey, listen. Everyone makes mistakes. We fucked up. Turns out this shit is kosher after all. Sorry.
Jake: fucking <hr>
me: there's just a random "fucking" at the end?
Jake: =P
me: or is that where the first <hr> is?
Jake: no, i was upset at hr for not working
me: hehehe
me: it would have been cooler if it was just there for no reason
Jake: hehe.
Jake: <!-- fucking hr>
Jake: or whatever
me: nah
me: just the word "fucking" at the end
me: totally out of context
me: or something
me: i'll shut up now

My mother called or was called by MediaOne tonight and I guess they had some sort of offer she could refuse. The folks of MediaOne are gonna come to the house, install everything, and give us 2 months of usage for free. Tight. Afterwards, it's $45 a month (I hope this included our basic cable). I have a feeling my mother will go back to the shoddy phone modem once she realizes that $45 a month for something she may use about 3 hours a day probably won't be worth it. Of course, while I'm home, I'm essentially not logging off. Heh. And in theory, I guess I won't have to. Chances are, MediaOne will supply a network card for my mom's computer. If that's the case, then I can toss all of my crap onto her hard drive, format my Dell, and hope that Win2k will stop being such a dirty bitch to me. But I guess we'll have to wait and see. It will be a couple weeks until broadband actually gets installed into the house.

But either way, wh00p wh00p!

- 2 for "alaph centari"
- 2 for "free and incest and stories"

Whoa! Stop right there! What the hell? Which one of you sick bastards thought you'd find what you wanted by searching for "free incest stories?" That's so uncool. I may live in New Hampshire, but you still won't find anything regarding "the fun game the whole family can play." If that's your thing, uh, try one of the more popular search engines, not mine! God damn...

Upcoming Sally Shows
6/28/01: "Scams, Cons & Revenge!"
6/29/01: "Hairstylists To The Stars!"
7/02/01: "I Married A Criminal!"
7/03/01: "Stop Pressuring Me To Get Married!"

Yeah. I was minding my own business, flipping through the channels to find something that didn't suck (I did not succeed), and I heard a bunch of angry women yelling at Sally that Eminem is anti-this and anti-that, and that he's an asshole and he is hated by everyone. Then, like... those angry women's teenage sons would say stuff like "He's just trying to start controversy" and "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" (I'm serious. That quote was said a couple times.). Sally didn't have to say anything. Chaos just ran its course. Then I blew a ventricle in my brain because of the sheer idiocy of it all. Eminem is so last year! ;p Hell, I forgot the guy existed for the last few months until I came across this show.

Daytime talk shows are even worse than soap operas. And soap operas are... well, pretty damn heinous. What a waste of valuable airtime. Also, I really want to kick Rikki Lake's ass. I think my sister still watches her show. I'd rather be an unwilling victim of a colonoscopy than watch a week's worth of Rikki's filth.

After doing a little internet window shopping and trying to find out some of the required specifications of my mother's system, I decided to settle on getting some PC66 SDRAM ($37 with shipping, 128 MB) (her computer can only hold 256 MB of RAM. Hehe!), a network card ($10, this won't make her computer faster, but I want to format my computer and I need a place to store my shit, heh), and since her CPU is a Slot-1 Celeron (which I didn't know they made), I'm gonna pick her up a "slocket" ($16, includes shipping and the network card's shipping fee), and a nifty FCPGA 700Mhz Celeron ($59 with shipping). All in all, that comes out to be $122. Not bad. I don't know how much of an improvement she will get out of this, since I don't really know what she does on the computer. I think her main bottleneck comes from our crumby 56k phone modem connection; I'm under the impression that most of the tasks she does involve the internet in some way. If that is the case, the best bet would be to get a net connection that doesn't suck so hard. But I don't think getting a cable modem or DSL would be worth it at the moment. She doesn't surf the web that often and once I get a real job, I won't be living at home. I hope.

I haven't bought any of this stuff yet. Mother needs to give me her credit card information. Mwahaha...

I think I'm done talking now, and if you've managed to stay awake during my little nerd speak, go ahead and check out some nerdy stories below:

* IBM is going silly with their silicon-germainium chips. Heh, let make sure Moore's Law remain intact, I guess.
* I get first dibs on a house on Europa, assuming we are able to populate the moon before I die. It looks like this moon and the other Galileans around Jupiter have lots of life-supporting potential. Too bad Jupiter is really far away.
* It looks like the Loch Ness monster could actually be a series of tectonic shifts. There's a fault line right through the center of the lake. How long have people known there was a fault line there? If I knew that, I would have probably drawn a similar conclusion. Kudos to Jon for the story.
* You better return your books to the public library. Otherwise, four or more cops will come and hunt you down. One wouldn't want to go to jail for not returning a book like... hmmm... The Viagra Alternative: The Complete Guide to Overcoming Erectile Dysfunction Naturally, for instance. Heh. This story was stolen from ShackNews.

Also, someone emailed me today saying that my site is informative and he was wondering how to overclock a Dell. That means he must have sifted through the archives and found the relevant information. Or maybe the search box thing works? Chances are he found the site be accident using Google or something. Heh.

Anarchy Online has an ongoing story that will last for approximately four years. Funcom will employ a live team that follows the conflict on a weekly basis, and makes sure the game is always exciting to play and in constant progression.

Not bad. Kinda standard nowadays, though. UO and AC both have storylines. AC's story arcs are about one year long. A four-year arc seems like the story would be dragging ass. When I was playing AC during the shadow invasion story line, I was getting perturbed that the story was not advancing fast enough! With a four-year arc, I'd most definitely get pissed off, especially since I don't play any game for that many years.

The game's strongest features, and what makes it so unique compared to other online games on the market:

* Rubi-Ka is a science fiction world.

This is novel. The Big Three and several of the second-generation titles are in the fantasy/medieval genre.

* We have a strong, original storyline that will tie the actions and choices of the characters into the game world.

Consider it a MMORPG standard. Nothing revolutionary here.

* Anarchy Online will have game mechanics that makes it interesting to work together in groups.

I'm starting to have flashbacks of Everquest horror stories, a game where you have to group with three different classes in order to make it anywhere in the game. Solo play is not encouraged.

* There are several types of quests or missions in the game, pre- defined, auto- generated, player- generated and GM- generated. All this adds up to a very flexible and interesting quest- system.

Now this is neat. Do you want to gain levels in privacy or with just your friends? Randomly generate a dungeon, choose which creatures to populate the dungeon with, and choose who can enter the dungeon and who can't. This spares you of having to deal with the assholes and grief players that can make your quest to gain levels a nightmare.

* The graphical world looks beautiful, both due to the technology and the hard work of our graphical artists.

Whatever. The graphics can't be any better than Tribes 2. :)

---------------------------

So, those are the games selling points. Not bad, but I still see the game as "evolutionary" rather than "revolutionary." It may turn out to be a great game. I'm just looking for something more from a game. Like a game that will have an on-going story line, without a player killer / non-player killer "switch," allow me to build towns and armies, and allow me to use diplomacy to deal with other player-controlled nations, using siege equipment to take out their capital if I can't reach an agreement with their guild. Oh wait, I'm describing Shadowbane. Silly me!

In quasi-comparable news, Anna Kournikova didn't make it to Wimbledon. What a shame.

The Colorado Avalanche have some serious salary cap issues to worry about. With the retiring of Borque, it saves the club $5.5 million.

On a pseudo-similar note, I'm still waiting for the Pittsburgh Penguins to trade Jaromir Jagr. The guy is expected to make about $10 million next season. You can sign a number of good players with that kind of money. Like Martin Straka! That guy can fly down the ice. He's up for a new contract, too. And how about Ray Bourque! Oh wait, he retired. Damn, I should stay on top of things more often.

Sorry, I don't have the story link. I just stole this exerpt from an ultra-secret location.

And here are some tips for women I found at that site. I copied the list here and corrected the spelling mistakes because, eh, I don't like spelling errors.

1) Nothing says "I love you" like oral sex in the morning.
2) Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3) Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4) Don't make us guess.
5) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6) Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7) He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
8) Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different; it's just like every other cat.
9) Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10) Sunday equals Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11) Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
12) Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13) You have enough clothes.
14) You have too many shoes.
15) Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16) Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your dad probably is, too.
17) Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18) No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19) Share he bathroom.
20) Share the closet.
21) "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.
22) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
23) Nothing says "I love you" like oral sex in the morning.
24) Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25) Check your oil.
26) Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
27) Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28) Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
29) If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
30) If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
31) Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
32) Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
33) You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
34) Whenever possible, please say what ever you have to say during commercials.
35) Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
36) Women wearing wonder-bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
37) When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, you saying "This is our exit" isn't necessary.
38) Nothing says "I love you" quite like oral sex in the morning.

Hehe!

And if you complain once more
You'll meet an army of me
And if you complain once more
You'll meet an army of me
And if you complain once more
You'll meet an army of me
And if you complain once more
You'll meet an army of me
Army of me

This song sounds so cool. I have a thing for songs that sound like no other songs out there. I never knew any of the lyrics, and now that I do, I think the song is... eh... pretty sinister.

Someone needs to hook me up with a compressed version of this song. Preferably in the 3-5 MB range. ;)

* Ban Minesweeper! I guess some miners are under serious emotional distress, since they believe that Minesweeper is disrespectful toward their work. They even formed a damn protest group focused on removing the game from the next version of Windows. How queer.

* People get killed by sky shelves all the time, usually while their family witnesses the event. Be it by lumber, ceramics, or fabric softner, you should... uh... use caution when removing things from high places. Especially if you're under the age of 3 or over the age of 80.

* What a cute little puppy! Too bad someone (the person that hit the vehicle of the dog's owner) threw the dog into incoming traffic. Ooph. I don't think Progressive or Geico will cover the costs of that.

* Is your state or provincial flag cool? It is if you live in New Mexico, Texas, or Quebec. If your flag has a seal or writing on it, prepare to see your state near the end of the list.

As a side note, sites made entirely in Flash are not that good. I'm on a frickin' phone line connection, as is 89% of the internet surfers out there. Stop trying to design for what looks cool and design for making the common case fast. If I want a particular chunk of information, spare me of your silly roll-overs and moving menus.

Woo, I feel like I'm back in CANOS.