For Immediate Release

Pictures of Jeremy's trip to Europe will appear on this page after Jeremy has taken them, but no sooner.

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah -- "Arr!" Jeremy Seeley grunted with a pirate voice. "I be sailing me ship back to the main."

The scurvy parrot on Seeley's shoulder squawked. "Back to the main," it repeated incessantly as its few remaining feathers broke free and drifted off to sea.

As Seeley explained the cryptic, if not altogether asinine meaning of his earlier statement, the fake pirate accent melted away like hydrogenated soybean oil on a hot summer day. "It means I'm finally going on that vacation to Europe," he explained. "Unfortunately, I cannot take the parrot.

"I know it is somewhat out of character, but I thought I might actually be able to use my website for something other than annoying my friends."

"He really annoys his friends," said an anonymous acquaintance. "That's why I remain only an acquaintance."

Seeley has been maintaining his personal website for several years, producing what one unfortunate web-surfer called "spewing drivel," and according to a New York Times/Gallup pole, has never once said anything of remote importance.

"Of course I realize no one really cares about this stuff," he admitted, "But I do. And my Mom says she does, too. Please don't hate me."

After composing himself and regaining some shred of emotional control, Seeley continued. "Please forgive my unwarranted emotional outburst," he said, pausing to sniff. "But, I digress. The whole purpose of this imaginary press conference was to tell you that you can find interesting pictures of an unkempt backpacker on the European mainland."

A spokesperson for Jeremy, LLP said he will be in Europe from May 17 to June 2, 2005 and plans on periodically updating this website during the trip, but can make no promises.

"Then there is hope," said the anonymous acquaintance. "We might escape unscathed."

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