men eva, eeeva.. vi m�ste b�rja LEVA
friday, june 29, 2001
it was all so silly, really.
i was walking downtown, crossing a street in fact, and i thought "next summer i'll have dad teach me how to drive" and then almost stopped walking because i was so surprised. it's a goal. i have a goal. i know i need a driver's license, and somehow, behind my back, it turns out my brain is already planning when and how to get it. suddenly, there's a plan, you see.
and then i realized i have more, you see, lots more. goals. actual goals! for years into now i've been moaning to anybody within earshot that i'm sick of having no goals, nowhere to go, nothing i want to do, this aimless cruise from one accidental spot in life to the next. it seemed such a problem to me. i would do that thing where you try to imagine yourself five or ten years from now and there was nothing, i was just .. there.
but walking downtown today, right after crossing that street, i began counting the little things i want to do and they're there, things, goals, little plans! all very exciting to a slacker.
i want to graduate college. i will hardly have stellar grades, but just graduating is a goal in itself -- i will have done something.
i want to learn how to drive. i want to drive places. after graduation, that's the next major goal, i think. it just makes sense.
i want to go to italy. not long, 2-3 weeks, just to look at pretty, old buildings and eat lots of pretty food, and i will, next summer -- i'll save from my modest salary at school and then i'll just go.
and i think the one i feel most content about is knowing that i want to work within print publishing somehow. i never knew that before, you see, it seemed so inpenetrable for somebody like me, somebody who is basically okay but not great at anything in particular, but now i know and i feel really happy about that.
go me and my brain. it plans and plots behind my back and i couldn't feel happier about it. :)
