untitled
tuesday, december 11, 2001
okay. it's almost 7 p.m. and i just pulled through a 3-finals-in-a-row stunt. my brain is mush. not quite as mushy as the terrible cafeteria pasta, but definitely of the squishy mushy variety.
let's see. i had the final with evil dr asshole. i wrote all i could think of, intent on never exchanging another word with the guy and finished first (as usual). as i handed my exam to him, he asked to speak to me for a minute. we stepped into the library room next door and he proceeded to simultaneously back-peddle and chide me about the whole late-paper thing, ending with him saying he would accept it after all, with some penalty. er, okay.
at this point, i was so over that whole situation. the fact that he back peddled made it all seem so stupid, so... pointless. seriously, i would have respected the crappy situation if he hadn't changed his mind, if that makes sense, because in back-peddaling, he confirmed that his earlier response was wrong, or unwarranted.
as i was walking out to retrieve the article i wrote (which is a good article, but not really the topic he asked for, so it won't get a good grade regardless of this whole spectacle), he gave me an impromptu speech on the value of acting professional, and the importance of meeting deadlines.
i responded by saying that this is the exact reason i keep saying no when he insists i should become a real journalist; it's not about trying to seem modest. i know i can write decent articles. i am also acutely aware of my deadline flaw, and as such i will not consider a career in anything where this will be a huge problem for me. that seemed to stump him.
i get annoyed when people assume i am unaware of my flaws. hello, i KNOW i suck at school, i KNOW i blow deadlines left and right, i KNOW that's a bad thing. you're not telling me anything new! what am i supposed to do? obviously, if i could avoid the classes that are deadline heavy, i would, but the classes i'm taking with him are required, so what's the alternative??
people make no sense. it's like when growing up, my brother/cousin/morons at school would take great pleasure in pointing out that i'm overweight, as if the statement itself needed to be made repeatedly. what the hell is going through these people's minds? that i've never seen my image reflected in a mirror? it is as ridiculous as telling me my eyes are green, only the observation is meant to somehow cause me to feel.. embarrassed?
"oh no, they found me out, they figured out i'm fat! and here i was thinking i had them fooled!"
it's just as ridiculous as pointing out to me, four years into my mediocre college career, that i'm not a great student. oh yeah, great, thanks, you noticed, gee, i had no idea, i was thinking my low GPA was all about mean teachers..
so, what are you trying to tell me? i should diet? i should drop out of school after 4 years? gee, i'd never thought of that. gee, i never think of that. hey, did i mention the part where i'm depressed a lot?
frrr. as i left the room, he made a last remark as i said a lax "thanks": "Just make sure you tell everyone you've told about how unfair i am about this."
right. "hey, that professor that was an asshole to me this morning without needing to be, well, he heard i was upset and thought he was unfair, i think by eavesdropping, so he changed his mind and now he wants me to tell you all that he's really great."
whatever. i find that pretty odd. he knew what he was doing this morning; i know his "i'm going to teach this student a lesson" behaviour by now. the fact that he then retracts and renegotiates upon hearing that, surprise!, his lesson did not go over well, well that's just.. pathetic.
if you're going to be an ass, i say be an ass all the way.
man, brain, mush, man, mush. i go eat. cin cin. �� 7:19 p.m.
...
i know there are plenty of more undignified things to do in school than just plain sit and sob like a 4-year-old, but right now i can't seem to think of any because i'm, y'know, sobbing like a 4-year-old.
i was a week late turning an assignment in to dr asshole. please, no "well you shouldn't have been late!" and other rational comments, okay? i was a week late. i knew i was a week late. he knew i was a week late. i did the assignment anyway. everybody in that class, including myself, have been plenty late with assignments. we suck it up and take the grade-drop.
so, i went to hand it in. and he would not accept it. mind you, this assignment counts for 30% of the final grade in that class. and he would not accept it. he made a little show of reading me from his syllabus (of which we haven't followed a single thing) how late papers drop a grade each day, and it's been seven days. i said i was aware of it, but i wanted to at least hand it in and get an f, or whatever is lower than f. he refused it.
apparently, i can still pass the class if i do okay on our final today, so whatever. but i couldn't help it. as soon as i left, paper still in my hand, i just busted out sobbing. like a 4-year-old. pathetic.
currently i'm pondering if it's in any way possible for me to switch majors to plain english literature. that way i would never, ever have a class with this asshole again. but whatever. i cannot stand even seeing him casually outside of class, i can't fathom having to see him on a weekly basis.
so there you have it. such a jolly day. yeah, exactly what i needed. heh. what the hell kind of stupid idea was this going to college crap anyway?? �� 10:47 a.m.
