beh.
monday, december 10, 2001
it's 2 weeks till christmas eve (we celebrate on the 24th in sweden), and i'm all geared up. i'm wearing a $1 santa hat. somehow, the santa hat effect is dulled somewhat by my sad-ass face. and i'm all dressed in black. i call myself the goth miss santa. heh. it's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it. right?
last week was the last week of classes. good thing. towards the end, all i could think about when in class with dr asshole was stabbing him, repeatedly. it's like i'm allergic to him. he's toxic, and when i'm around him the slightest i get an immediate mental violent reaction. shudder.
i stalked a guy around last week. that was fun. i suppose. of course, there's only so much energy i feel like putting into any pursuit before i get bored, or simply decide it's too much energy. and so i play another game of super mario bros on my computer.
i saw that harry potter movie. it was very good. alan rickman as snape was very swoon worthy (trent reznory much, or what?). i was going to continue on that topic, but dr asshole just walked by and i immediately shuddered and winced. bleh. he needs to retire. or i need to switch my major to english literature so i never have to take another class with him again. because i might stab him. you know. (i probably shouldn't say that out loud, but whatever.)
i bought glitter--i will decorate my computer monitor one of these days. that might be fun. right? whatever. heh.
i'm in one of my "moods." i don't know what happens. i just wake up, things are fine, and then suddenly things shift and i can't smile and my eyes are a second away from weepy and nothing can hold my attention, i want to curl up on a couch and just mope. but i'm not gonna. heh.
i think part of why i don't write many entries anymore is because there is so few new things to say. i mean, does the world need another "jennie inexplicably feels like a soggy wet dish cloth" entry? it becomes as tedious to write as i'm sure it gets tedious to read.
the truth is, i don't know what's up. i've spent the past 4 months trying to figure it out, and i don't seem to be getting anywhere. i'm doing the weekly therapy thing--it's okay, but it mostly just extricates the problems i have as opposed to give me a clue where to go from here.
i've been e-mailing with that guy i'm stalking and have figured some things out while explaining myself in those e-mails. i suppose that's useful. but again, i just feel like i'm filling in details on an already done map. i know where i'm at, i know how i got here, i want to figure out how to get the hell out of here.
i tried prozac for a few months, but apart from the annoying side effects in the beginning, i felt nothing different. nothing. so that seems pointless. so i think i'm stopping? or i don't know.
well, i started to write this around 1pm. the guy i'm stalking came by, and i stalked him some. then he just plain stopped working around 3pm and stayed until now, 6.30'ish, to talk gibberish. so. that was fun. of course, my boss is annoyed coz i was supposed to work this afternoon.
it's sort of hard to explain that i wasn't blowing work off to talk to the guy, i was in a bad mental state and needed the diversion. i feel much better now. heh. i appreciate that. a lot.
so.. cin cin? :) �� 6:45 p.m.
