now what?
wednesday, december 12, 2001
i'm tired of this. i find myself tapping my fingers against surfaces, my feet against the ground, and i'm all around fidgety lately. i can't just go to sleep, i have to spend hours changing position and wishing the room wasn't so hot, that my suitemates would shut the hell up, that my pillows would fold into the perfect bunched up lump, that i could listen to music if my roommate wasn't there, blah blah blah blah.
it's funny. the worse i feel, the more jolly my make up and attire becomes. today i'm wearing full regalia: santa hat, and red, christmassy lipstick. yet every person who meet me with a smile and some comment about my santaness bugs me to no end. makes no sense.
my new friend jeff(rey dahmer! okay, not really.) has been remarkably good about letting me follow him around to keep me distracted. i can't stand just sitting here. he even accompanied me to the waiting room at the school health building as i waited for my therapist to come pick me up. it was the first time i didn't have to sit alone in that horrible little room with the tv stuck on some bad daytime show and the same half a year old magazines sprawled out on all surfaces.
but then the hour passed and now i'm back in my office and i can't find anything distracting enough. i told you guys, i might as well not update because all the entries will sound like this. sorry. �� 3:20 p.m.
