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of Heart! ~ If you are not a subscriber and this has been passed on to you, join us by sending a blank e-mail to four_ears @ msn.com (remove spaces) with "subscribe" in the subject line. And get the love direct! Web site: http://www.geocities.com/jenniferioliver2001 Archives: http://geocities.com/jenniferioliver2001/Archives.htm ________________________________________________________ "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." - T. S. Eliot ______________________________________ A Life Well Loved by Jaye Lewis I know the pattern of the wallpaper. I know the color of the rug. I've sat against the baseboard, and I've cried my eyes out, believing that life just wasn't worth living. I have felt the fear of hopelessness, and I have felt the loss of faith, in God, my family, and myself. My life came crashing down, and within 24 hours, I found myself inside a psychiatric ward, staring out at the world through unbreakable, reinforced glass. I can remember clearly that my life was in control – I was sure of it – until the very last straw. When I felt the weight of that last insignificant event, I just splintered into a million pieces. I hit bottom. This joyous season is the time of the year that often defeats the lonely and the lost. While the rest of the world is celebrating, they're going through the motions with a sense of hopelessness that literally saps every ounce of their strength. I've been there. I've sat staring at a bottle of pills, trying to come up with a list of reasons not to swallow the whole bottle. It didn't help that I had a loving husband or that I had adolescent children who needed me. It didn't even help that I came from a strong faith; that I had loved or dreamed or prayed. I was now living in a valley of shadows. That was nearly 15 years ago. I had choices. I could give up, or I could begin again. I chose to begin. It did not matter that the light at the end of the tunnel appeared to be an oncoming train. It was a light, and I chose to follow. A sense of humor helped. Trust me, there is a lot to laugh about on the inside of a psychiatric ward. The end of the year doesn't have to be the end of your life. There are so many people especially at this time of the year, who believe that they have no future, and I want you to know that you do. As Billy Crystal would say, "Life is a do-over." I promise you that it really is. I'm not talking about a change of diet or fashion. I'm talking about a change of heart. Start over. If you feel that life has taken everything away, GIVE. Take the focus off yourself, and focus on someone who is in need. There are soup kitchens, food pantries, and orphanages where everything you do will make a difference in someone else's life. Start where you are, but don't stop there. I began to understand the joy of unconditional love in a psychiatric ward. A young woman who had been battered by life and disease was about to give up. She had never had a birthday party, so, in secret, with the help of my husband and children, we threw her one. The best part was in remaining anonymous! Beginning with very small steps, I began to grow and to heal. At this time of the year, if life seems unlivable, get professional counseling. See a priest or minister or rabbi. Don't give up. As we used to say in the psychiatric ward, "the worst time to attempt suicide is when you're depressed!" No matter what hurts, don't do it. Don't take the pills. Don't do anything that will end your life, and don't ever believe that your life is not worth living. It is! I have been through that dark valley. Since then, I have seen the sun rise thousands of times. I have watched the rainbows paint a hundred skies. I have seen my children grow up and become responsible, loving women. I am growing old with the love of my life! I am not beautiful. I am not slim. I am not young. But I still find each day a gift, and I thank God for the ability to see, to feel, to touch, to smell, and to love. You see, a life well loved is the greatest life of all. Jaye Lewis jlewis @ smyth.net Copyright © 2002 by Jaye Lewis. All rights reserved. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ About the author: Jaye Lewis is a Heartwarmer Gem, who is happily married to the love of her life, and the mother of three grown daughters. She also shares her life with a menagerie of pets, including her "tweenie" dachshund Happy Dog. Jaye lives and writes in the beautiful Southern Appalachian Mountains of southwestern Virginia. _________________________________________________________ LOVE, JENNIFER I. OLIVER AND FAMILY four_ears @ msn.com "To live that in thy last long sleep, Smiles my be thine wile all around thee weep." - Nellie L. Wallace, June 24, 1873 _________________________________________________________ This E-mail may be forwarded in its entirety, but first ask the writer for permission before forwarding. Thank you for doing the decent thing! Ü ________________________________________________________ SUBMIT STORY, QUOTE, OR FAMILY LOVE MOMENT: http://www.geocities.com/jenniferioliver2001/submission.htm FEEDBACK: four_ears @ msn.com ________________________________________________________ |
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