Half Price

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Folks, back by popular demand, I present to you yet another wonderful
message by humorist Betty King!
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HALF PRICE

Well, my old man's not cheap; he's just practical. That's
what I tell myself anyway. He came home from work the day after
Valentine's Day with a big, red heart-shaped box of candy. He had a
Safeway sack in his hands, containing the box and a bag of bite-sized
pink-wrapped Milky-Ways, and red-foiled Nestle Heart Crunch pieces.

He was also toting a big, wide grin on his face.

Bill's usual comment on Valentine's Day is, "I didn't get you
any candy, honey, 'cause I knew you were on a diet."

Well, fifty pounds ago that very well may have been true, but I'm
telling you, folks, this old gal has long ago even forgotten how to
spell the word d..i..e..t!

Now, Bill has always been tall and slender 'til he developed a
potbelly. He has these long legs and arms and still gives the
impression he's thin if you don't catch him in a side view.
He has never had to watch a bite he put in his mouth. His eating
habits have changed somewhat though over the years since we've
been married.

I've always had a sweet tooth, I won't deny it; it's a
well-exposed fact anyway. Even when I was skinny, I'd bypass the
meat and potatoes any day for a piece of blackberry cobbler. When I
was a little thing still at home, my step-dad would tease me,
"Betty, you can't ever tell when you're sick. You always
manage to make it to the table."

Yep, no one ever had to worry about me having anorexia. Nope,
I've always liked to eat…but I've not always been fat.
Those things tend to catch up with you when you have to start
spending your days on a three-wheel motorized scooter.

When we first got married, Bill's idea of a snack was a can of
sardines and saltine crackers. Or often he'd eat a bowl of plain
Jell-O. But that's when he had a size 30-inch waist and his
pants hung on his hipbones. Today his eating habits have changed
somewhat, and his cravings lean away from sardines.

Bill works close to a Safeway grocery store, and he can often be
found in the bakery or candy sections of the establishment. You can
usually find his stash hidden away in the car, at work, or high on a
shelf somewhere here at the house.

He's not greedy. He just wants to keep temptation away from me
or anyone else that may be eyeballing his stockpile. He is handy
enough to the store and visits it frequently enough that he
doesn't miss any goodies that fail to be sold for their
designated target date.

We had just finished up his half-priced red and green Christmas-
wrapped goodies when he walked in the door with the big, red heart.
He knew he was going to have a problem concealing it, and he knew if
I found it hidden away somewhere I might assume he was masking more
than a box of candy!

Thus the reason for his pretense that he was bringing ME a box of
candy. We both knew whom the candy was for. Since I had not bought
him any he was buying it truthful for himself – thus the grin on
his face! He knows when he's caught!

We're always a season behind eating candy, but as I said he's
not cheap, he's just practical. You'd have thought his box of
Whitman's Chocolates was See's or Godiva's the way he
pointed out the brand!

These heart-shaped goodies should last us maybe 'til after the Easter
surplus is marked half price. Then I hope there is a lot left over
because it will be a long, dry, hungry spell this summer with no
holiday goodies left over on the store's shelves. Well, maybe that
will be a good time to start that diet I should be on. I have a
notion about August I will be scavenging through the closets and
looking high on the shelves for some of Bill's stash. Then when
he goes looking for his stockpile, I'll be the one grinning!

I sure hope after forty-four years of marriage that half-priced candy
doesn't equal half-amount love!

Betty King
[email protected]
Copyright © 2002 by Betty King. All rights reserved.
~~~~~~~~
About the author: Betty lives with her husband Bill in Phoenix, AZ.
She has lived with MS for 35 years but enjoys life and writes about
its daily joys. She contributed the story "Heave Ho" to Stories of
Heart. She has been published on Warm Fuzzy Stories, 2TheHeart,
Heartwarmers, Petwarmers and other Internet sites. She has signed 3
agreements with Chicken Soup for The Christian Woman's Soul and
has a story coming out in red Rock Book of Faith. She also has been
published in various newspapers, newsletters and magazines.
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Find out how you can help Brittnia Brandl spread the Word in Africa!
Check out http://www.hearttouchers.com/jesus_film, a site powered by
one of my favorite married couples, Michael and Kristi Powers!
Whether you're donating money to meet her goal of $3500 or your
prayers, I know that Brittnia would certainly appreciate you passing
on the love! Send donations to: Brittnia Brandl, P.O. Box 393,
Clinton, WI 53525. You can contact her at [email protected].
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FROM OUR FRIENDLY E-MAIL CARRIER:

In response to "Hershey's Dark Chocolate" by Roger Dean Kiser, Sr.
(http://geocities.com/jenniferioliver2001/021802.htm)

HI Jennifer, I bought Roger's book over a year ago and am still
amazed at the horrendous acts the staff and uncaring folks displayed
to the kids at the Orphanage. It is ironic, as my brother-in-law and
wife have been looking for 10 years to adopt a child. And the red
tape and interviews have been unreal. About 4 years ago they were
able to find a child, guess from where? Jacksonville, FL. It is
unreal that there are so many children who are unwanted in homes
across the country, and many childless folks who would give anything
to have them.
Thanks for sharing....
Blessings, Diane Dean White

~ I echo your heartfelt sentiment, Diane. Roger's book cannot be
read without a box of kleenex, his experiences are so heartbreaking
as they are told through the eyes of a child. To buy his incredible
book, "Orphan: A True Story of Abandonment, Abuse, and Redemption,"
you can find it on Amazon at
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1580624480/thesadorphan/002-
2169877-4341639.

Speaking of Roger Dean Kiser, Sr: Find out how Roger is using his
life to spell success for orphans coast to coast! He's started the
Sad Orphan Foundation in hopes that other orphans may experience
kindness. As Roger said, it was acts of kindness, however small,
that saved him. For more information, please visit Roger's web site
at http://www.geocities.com/trampolineone/foundation.html. You may
send your check or money order to:

THE SAD ORPHAN FOUNDATION
c/o Author, Roger Dean Kiser, Sr.
100 Northridge Drive
Brunswick, Georgia 31525

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LOVE,
JENNIFER I. OLIVER AND FAMILY
[email protected]

When you are born, you cry and everyone is happy. So live your life
in such a way that when you die, everyone cries and you are happy.

- Unknown

The quote above is derived from "To live that in thy last long sleep,
Smiles may be thine wile all around thee weep." - Nellie L. Wallace,
June 24, 1873
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