T'len's Journal

Entry One: I start writing in this journal because it's another way for me to express my emotions peacefully. Today was the first day of my visit home to Uyaniu Hold in nearly two years. Already Bredul and Shrina are at each other's throats and it's up to me to calm them down. It's always been up to me. I just wish there were someone to calm me down. Let me explain.
Supressing my anger is so instinctual that I don't even think about it anymore...except when I'm ready to explode from the stress and tension. Everyone sees me as being calm and cool, a real diplomat. That just isn't true. I'm actually angered very easily and have very strong emotions, but I just can't get them out. They build up until my head is pounding. Hunting is good for me to work off some of it, but as soon as I get back it starts to grow again. From having to calm my siblings to watching that Kayne and Gedno behave to doing countless other things, I feel so uptight. Still, on the outside I remain soft-spoken and pleasant. I must.
Today I hunted and brought down two very nice wherrys without even knowing it. I was too caught up in my thoughts and had gotten lost until Gedno had found me and led me home. Even though he may be a handful, I still care for him very much. I don't know what I'd do without him.

Entry Two: Grrr, I don't know how much more of this I can take! The Harper Hall was bad, but it was nothing compared to life at home. It merely made me forget what these horrible battles between siblings were like. And Bredul! At the hall he had been such a great big brother, a real companion. Now all he can do is bicker with Shrina, just like before. Our parents think of it as his normal behavior because that's what he was like at home, but I can't believe the change that's come over him in just a few days. It's insane!
I'd better calm down before I do something I know I'd regret. But that's what this journal is for, venting my feelings. I'm so confused right now. Everything changes around me between one setting and the next so that I don't know what is real anymore. Is Bredul really a funny, laughing big brother, or is he an irritable teenager with no patience for anyone or anything? Is home a place where the heart is, or is it a place where my heart is torn to tatters? The only thing that never changes is me. My face stays impassive, my anger in check, but for how long? When will I change? Who am I?

Entry Three: Today something truly unexpected happened. I was Searched to stand at the Sands of Andromeda Weyr's second hatching! The Searchrider, a very pretty girl with thick brown hair and stunningly expressive green eyes stopped by here on a routine Search, looking for likely candidates to the hatching. I believe her name was Ritana, and her dragon, a lovely emerald green, was Jhacath. Yes, that's right.
     Anyway, she had arrived during one of the more hostile fights between Bredul ans Shrina. She just sat back and watched for a while as they battled it out. I tried my best to stop them and it worked for a moment, but then they just started back up. It took intervention on Jhacath's part before they would settle. They received a good tongue-lashing from our parents for behaving so in front of anyone, much less a dragonrider. She then announced her reason for being there and the hold's youths lined up for 'inspection'. The two Searchriders stopped in front of me on their way down the line and Ritana remarked that she had been impressed with my control and peaceful instincts during the fight. If only she knew. I was boiling the whole time at their stubborn refusal to see reason and had felt very violent. But I digress.
     She asked me if I'd like to come with her to Andromeda Weyr as a candidate. They could always use young men like me, she'd said. That came as a real shock to everyone, especially me. What, Impress one of the gorgeous creatures that protected the holds and manned the Weyrs? Of couse I chose to go, what youth wouldn't, especially when being asked by a girl with such stunning eyes? It was an honor to be even considered for such a thing, much less receive an invitation out of the blue like that.
     Well, I must stop writing as I need to pack. We leave for Andromeda within the hour. By the egg of the great Faranth, but I wish...I hope...

Entry Four: Gedno and Kayne like this bustling Weyr environment, and I must say that I agree. Everyone is always doing something, there are no idle hands. The dragonriders are generally friendly and easy-going and the people of the lower caverns are very understanding of the worries of candidates. Also, Gedno hangs around with one of the resident flit fairs and causes troubl in a group instead of alone or with Kayne, who's found companions too, I assure you. I just thought I'd write this so that I can reread it in times of hardship or overwhelming frustration and remember what it was like first arriving at Andromeda Weyr. Another small plus is that I get to see more of Ritana and her pretty green.