| September 2003 continued..... |
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| Friday September 19,2003: I hope everyone here on the East Coast faired well in the hurricane. I know my sister's friend is happy to see the storm pass, considering tomorrow is her wedding day!!!! Poor Chelle, she must have been at her wits end in Delaware. She was suposed to have it on the beach, considering there really is much choice for her down there, and her family and friends were all flying in. But thank God, she is going to have a beautiful day!!!!!! Not much happening here, I had to see a podiatrist today. I've developed heel spurs in both of my feet. And let me tell you ladies and gentlemen this is no joke. Funny thing is that the smaller one on my right heel hurts the most. I can barely walk. And that isn't good at all. It's bad enough I'm immobilized by my weight, well not completely, but not as active as I would like to be. So now to fight with the insurance company to have physical therapy for the next six weeks and more needles......that sucker hurt!!!!! 3 inches long, I kid you not. Greatfully he numbed my foot with some numbing spray but it still hurt at least not as much. So here I am hop along, gimpy, whatever the new pet name is now.....limping and cursing with every step. Remenber everyone wear your arches, very important and you wont have these problems, especially us big girls. Well I'm hoping I hear something next week from the state. I know it wil probably take at least two weeks, but nobody said I couldn't dream...hahaha!!!! Well I hope every has a great weekend, looks like Indian Summer is here. Ciao!!!! |
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| Monday, September 22, 2003: Not much happening, at least nothing good. Things seem to be up in the air about everything in my life. From surgery, to work, to school. Things here are getting really bad $$$$ wise. One of us needs to go to work full time. My BF thinks that going to pump gas to make an extra $200 a week is going to help, yeah his bills, not the house bills. I'm scared to think that I will end up back to work full time and unable to go to school. There is no way I will be able to get financial aid working full time on the books, no less. But if it comes down to it and I have to give up my hopes and dreams of making a career for myself and having to go back to work, I told my sister I'm throwing my BF out. I was really supportive about him trying to make the bike shop, but now is not the time. Business is slow and it's not like we have a real shop, it's in the garage. He needs to go to work, and if I have to instead he's out. I'm not supporting him. I have a friend who really likes this guy she's been dating, possibly love, but she wont commit because he's on disability and social security. At first I was like that's wrong, but now I see her point. I'm not going to support both of us by killing myself in jobs I hate or can't make enough money on. He keeps saying he is going to find work, but I find him in the garage. I don't want to end our relationship, but I need to take care of me too. Maybe I made things too easy by making more money than he did. But I can't do it alone, and if i have to then I will be doing it for me only. Sounds crude, but ladies take it from me, if someone gets the chance to live off of you, maybe not even really meaning to, they will and suck you dry. I hope things change, and in my favor. I really don't want to have the conversation....you have to move out. But I'm beginning to realize I need to take care of me, and focus on me. All my life I have put others in front of me, now it's my turn. Its scary and hard, but it has to be done. If I don't I will never lose this loser big fat girl view of myself. And that is not something I want to bring into my post-op life. I need to believe in myself, and I need to find the strength in me to make my life better for me first. Having said that, I need to move my butt to the supermarket. We have almost no food here and my kitty needs her food too!!!!!! Let's hope I get some good news this week, in all aspects of my life. Ciao!!! This is soooo true!!!!!!!! |
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