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| Thursday October 9, 2003: Not much happening today, but I thought I would make an entry anyway. I spent some time today, as I normally do reading other's websites and marveling at their successes and fantasizing about being there on the other side with them. And I am sure we all do, wishing that we were already there. But I do think that there are some things that we don't think about, or maybe try not to think about. By that I do mean the possibility of "being on the other side" would mean death. As morbid as it sounds I think it's a reality check we all need. Trying to rush the process of getting it done and over with. I know I am one of those people who cannot wait for it to be done and over with. To live out all my plans and dreams that I have for after surgery. But I don't think we have really taken the time to think about our own mortality, at least there hasn't been one website address this issue, not any that I have read. I'm sure we think for a fleeting moment of dying due to complications but it never gets as real as seeing it for ourselves. Tonight I read it for myself. While looking through Obesity.Com, I found a memorial page for those who lost their fight. Most have died due to complications with surgery, others from nothing to due with surgery, and there are those who lost their battle fighting to have surgery that would have saved their lives. I think we all need to take a moment and reflect on our decision to have surgery. Yes I am still going forward with mine, but that doesn't mean I feel like it cannot happen to me. I know full well it can. And I am hoping that having it sooner than later can lessen the chances for complications. Someone once asked at the beginning of my journey why did I want to write letters to family and friends before surgery, as if I was preparing to die. And for a while I decided I wouldn't do it, because then it would mean I was planning on dying. Well I don't plan to die, but I do believe that as there was a set day for me to be born there is a set day for me to die, and if I die from surgery, well then I died trying to live. But I don't want to leave this world without telling the ones I love how I feel and what they mean to me. So I am once again set on writing these letters, but not in a way as if I don't expect to come out, but in a way of saying goodbye to my old life and body. Call me crazy, or whatever, but I feel very strongly about this. Sometime there are things we cannot say and yet we can put it on paper. I want to thank in my own way, my family and friends who have stuck by me through this all. Well, in saying all this I encourage everyone to check out the memorial page at Obesity.Com. Put things in perspective and realize the risks involved. And also remember those who fought so hard to live a life they never knew. And to remind us every day is a gift not to take for granted. Well I've had my sermon for tonight....lol. Sorry to be so somber, but I wanted us to remember those lost in our cause to live. |
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| Friday October 10, 2003: Okay I must admit I love watching Extreme Makeover, and yes sometimes I get all choked up. Once I even cried. I know pathetic...lol. But I just love watching these people get transformed, and seeing how happy they are. I can relate to them before the makeover, how they are unhappy with themselves and feel out of touch with the world because they are not "up to " the world's standards of how normal should look. It's so wonderful to see the underdog come out on top. Most people can't understand what it is like to want to go to the extreme, but there are those of us that really do from personal experience. With being overweight and being made fun of, not able to have a meaningful relationship because of our looks. Grant it yes, there are those of us who get lucky and find the real thing despite our weight, but most people don't. And it's why I love this show, it gives us a second chance. Theres a show with a man who lost so much weight through surgery he needs a whole body lift, I can't wait to see that one. I am getting better on my binging, calmed down a lot. I am trying very hard to keep my nerves in check with my eating, I know it's all related. Oh and this proactiv stuff seems to be working. It's been about a week and a half and my face lokks so much better, and my neck is finally getting the jest. I think I am going to order the body wash and wipes to start clearing up my chest, back and thighs. I want to get a head start so I don't have to worry about too much down the rode. Well have a great weekend I know I can't wait, my sister and her husband are coming up to visit with my niece and we are going pupmkin picking!!!!! I've always wanted to pick my own and carve my own pumpkin, wish me luck I don't kill the poor thing......Ciao!!!!! |
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