oct03

Sunday October 5, 2003:
Okay well technically it is Monday, but whose counting. It's almost 2 in the morning but I wanted to get in a little note before I headed off to bed. Just to update you, I went to se my lawyer on Thursday. so My paperwork has finally been settled and everything faxed back to the state on Friday. he says that I should hear something within two weeks. So tomorrow I will call my surgeon's office and try to make a tentative appointment for ASAP!!!! Let's all keep our fingers crossed on that one.

Things have been quiet otherwise. I went to apply for foodstamps and after waiting for almost 2 1/2 hrs I got denied because I get too much money from unemployment. Are you kidding me!!!!!!! So I proceeded to tell everybody off and walked out. What a waste of my time. You would think they would have added something to my paperwork, so before sitting there wasting my time with screaming kids and people who smell, I would have known this wasn't going to happen. And let's clarify this, even with my boyfriend helping out with bills and the rent I still don't make enough to feed us without them. this sucks, because I could really have used them to help alleviate some of the monetary stress around here.

Speaking of food, I have been very bad. I have been having fits of carbo cravings. I mean 2 am toast treats. Yes I do mean real toast and butter. I don't know what is going on but I need to get a hold of my craving for carbs. This is really going to hurt me once I've had the surgery. And nuts too, I have been dreaming of my brazilian nuts and shelled peanuts, this is getting out of hand. I don't know if it has to do with the stress building up inside me, it probably does, because I've noticed how snippy I have been to my BF. I need to calm down and take a breather, I wish I could afford one.

Well If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them. Oh and on my links page I will be adding my favorite weight loss sites soon. So if you have one of your own, or you have a personal fav that has lots of great stuff please let me know so I can include it. Ciao for now and sweet dreams!!!

Wednesday October 8, 2003:
Okay I have completely regressed into having food for comfort. My nerves are on overdrive, I don't know if I'm coming or going anymore emotionally. It's like I'm binging at night, not where I'm eating everything in site, but eating bits of everything in the house. I can't seem to control it and it's freaking me out. I know it's all about self control, but I feel like I have none. But I also feel like I don't want to control it.

It's weird how comforting food is when you really don't know what particularly know what is triggering it. Well I am going to see my shrink today. Maybe I'll make some progress with her in trying to find out what's going on. I kindof know what it is, or should I say what the problems are that are starting this. I'll let you know how it goes.

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