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| January 2004 continued.... |
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| Monday January 19, 2004: Well I had my preop testing today. Everyone was really nice, especially the cutie x-ray technician, congradulating me on having the surgery. Hope I get to see him for the leak test...hahaha. I did have one problem, my potassium is low so I have started taking these huge horse pills tonight and I have to go back Monday morning to check it. As long as it is okay surgery is a go. I'm sure it is, my high blood pressure pills are also a diuretic, so my potassium suffers. It still hasn't hit me yet, although I'm sure I will be freaking out the night before. But my fortune cookie says that all is well: Look forward to great fortune and a new lease on life. Pretty cool huh? I guess I'm just anxious to get it over with. Once I'm in recovery, or should I say once I pass the leak test I will feel much better. I picked up a couple of things to bring with me to the hospital, a travel toothbrush and tooth paste, and baby wipes (so much easier and leaves you feeling so clean). I need to pack my CDs and my walkman, spare socks and underwear, feminine pad (just in case), chapstick, deoderant and batteries. I need to look for a portable fan (one of those small ones). I was dying from the heat inside the hospital. I found that very unusual, it's usually freezing. So a fan is a must for me to be comfortable. I don't think I will need much, other than maybe some lotion and my own body wash and shampoo as well. I don't know if I will be allowed to take a shower but just in case I will be prepared. Oh and I can't forget my phone card. I feel like I have so much to do, I already started scrubbing the house so I can do a quickie clean on Monday next week. I still have 2 doctor appointments tomorrow my psychologist and psychatrist (a must!!!) and then Wednesday I go sign up for school and then go back out to White Plains for my medical clearance with my PCP. I'll do laundry on Thursday and wash the dog and her bedding, and Friday I will do some food shopping for my return home. I want to make sure I get what I need, you know men, they never know what to get you...lol. Well on that note, I'm bushed and I think I'll sit back and chill. I have few friends I need to email. So I guess its goodnight!!! |
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| Wednsday January 21, 2004: Okay as much as I don't want to admit it, I'm starting to crack. I've been running around non-stop since Monday and tomorrow will be no different. As you know Monday I was at the hospital for preop work, and I started my potassium pills. Well yesterday I saw both my therapist and psychatrist, and yes I put my pride aside and got my prescription of antidepressants (my PCP wants me to wait till after surgery to start). And today I saw my PCP for my medical clearance. And here I ran into two problems, one being that I have to go back to the hospital tomorrow and sign a release to fax him my results (hello his name was on the sheets to have it faxed to him) and I had to start on a higher dose of high blood pressure meds and a beta blocker to bring my pressure down enough so I don't have my surgery canceled. But that is not what is making me crack, its , well I don't know what it is really. I guess I'm just tired and anxious. I seem to be extremely weepy today. A very good friend of mine called tonight to wish me luck and get the lowdown on where I'll be, and I couldn't help but cry on the phone. It felt good to get it out. She's the best, love you Donna, and it felt like for the first time today someone was on my side withour question, and it felt great. You see my BF has become very distant, and we have been fighting, no screaming matches, but it's still not good. Donna feels that maybe he's worried about my surgery, and worried about how life is going to be after surgery...me being thinner and all. I don't know what it is, and it's like trying to get blood out of a rock trying to get him to talk to me. This just isn't the situation I need right now. On a good note I have been accepted into school and that I don't have to start in the January class, they have another beginning in February!!!! february 28th to be exact. So as long as I can come up with the rest of the money ($5500) I can start class. Wish me luck. well it's late and I need my rest, lots to do tomorrow....nite!!!! |
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| Sunday January 25, 2004: It feels as if I haven't slowed down since last week. I had so many problems getting my results faxed over from the hospital to my doctor for my medical clearance. Now I know the hospital did it, because I was there when they did it on Thursday, which by the way no one needed my signature for release. Between Thursday and Friday I probably had the hospital fax my results at least 6 times. I know it was my doctor's staff who were the losers messing with me and not doing their job. My results made it to the surgeon's office why not my doctor's? Well I ended up picking up my results on Friday and going back to White Plains ( 45 min away) to bring them to my doctor. what a doll he is, he gave me my medical clearance docs on the spot once everything checked out. So now it's less that 48 hrs away. Am, I freaking out yet.....yes and no. I am partly relieved to finally be done with this. I've worked so hard and obsessed so long. But I am also scared. Scared of the unknown. Whats in store for me after surgery. How will I handle eating? Will there be complications? I am afraid of the types of food I will be able or unable to eat? Will this work? Will I blow it? Will I lose enough weight, will I make it to my goal? Am I doing the right thing? So many questions, and yet I wont have any answers till after surgery. I do know deep down I have made the right decision. I pray I can live with it. |