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| June 2005: |
| Thursday June 9, 2005: Hi everyone, I know my bad in a big way. Things have been hectic and I haven't been feeling so well. We took a mini vaca this past weekend to my family's vacation home in PA, it was beautiful and restful. A perfect way to spend my 33 rd birthday. Yep that's right, I turned 33 this past sunday. It was very uneventful which was fine by me. I needed the relaxation, I just wish I had had more time to spend there, the drive took some out of me, but at least there were no phones, no motorcycles, none of his freinds, no garage....so it was a dream come true. Now next year it will be in Montauk, by the beach....yeah baby. I knew I wasn't going to lose anything this week, I indulged all weekend. and frankly I didn't care at all. I'm getting beyond pissed with my weight situation. I know I can't give up but I am at a loss. I don't know what else to do. It's like I'm locked into this weight and it's killing me. I didn't go through all that hell to have the surgery to be stuck at 200 forever. Any suggestions anyone? I'm willing to try anything. |
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| Thursday June 16, 2005: Sorry this will be short tonight, I'm really out of it, between getting over my cold and the hell of these past few days, I'm exhausted. I just buried my grandmother yesterday, and it still hasn't completely sunk in. It started to hit yesterday when we had to say our final goodbye's and then at the cemetary, my mom fainted. It was just really bad, gratefully she recovered at the luncheon after a couple of aspirin and something to eat. I'm still worried about her, and think that is what is keeping me from completely losing it. I know it will hit, and I just hope I am home and alone when it does. At least my favorite aunt is in from California, and she is staying with my mom, so she has someone to watch over her for the next few days. The only good thing between this and my cold is I lost 3 lbs, I just pray I can keep it off. Till then night everyone. |
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| Wednesday June 22, 2005: It's been like the week from hell. Work is being crazed, I feel like I never get a chance to get anything done. I hate having to take lunch but I need to breathe sometimes. Not that I mind, I guess it's just I have yet to decompress from last week, with losing my grandma. It's been no break from helping my mom, to the wake, funeral, back to work the next day and dealing with other family and home issues. Then this past weekend a girl at my job was killed by her ex-boyfriend and we now have a secuirty guard until this bastard is caught. It's like I don't get to slow down for one moment. And I'm feeling like I am going to crash. Hopefully I'll get my carpets done this weekend and then I can start to relax. But I have a feeling that life is not about to slow down, and I better find a way to focus and take a little me time before I break. So till then, night everyone. |
| Wednesday June 29, 2005: Things just never seem to slow down, although I must admit today was a bit easier at work. We took in over 600 calls, but for some reason things went smoothly. Either that or I'm just getting used to the insanity, hahaha!!!! It feels so good to finally feel like I am a part of a group, that we all want to help each other succeed, and I haven't been in an environment like that in a long time. Things seem better inthe office too, now that that bastard who killed our coworker has been caught. I'm sure we will have the funeral soon, but it looks like everyone is starting to move forward which is nice. Especially since we have seen the fact that the company is keeping to their word of paying her salary to her mom as if she was still with us. Amazing right?! Well I lost that 1lb that I had put on last week, I'm hoping it was only water weight considering that I had my period. I have started watching my portions again, and I must admit I am finally winning the battle of over eating. I'm sure the damage is done, but I don't think to a great extent. Because of the fact that I would graze all day so I could fit more in. Now I focus on 3 meals, and almost no snacking. I just have to keep up my water intake. I'm hoping that I wil soon be back under 200 lbs and start to slide futher under and get closer to my goal. Well the dog days of summer have began, have a great 4th of July !!!! See you next week!!!!! |
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