Jan05

January 2005

Tuesday January 11, 2005
Hi everyone, sorry I have been gone and out of touch for so long. It's been crazy getting ready for Christmas and moving. Moving was insane. Between my stuff, his stuff and stuff he brought from his mother's house, and lets not forget the garage. I cannot get over how we got it all done in 3 days and made our new place look so good in 7 days. It took a lot of back breaking work and lots of arguing too. But we did it. And I am definitely not looking forward to moving any time soon. But don't be surprised if this time next year we are prepping to do it all over again. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with where we live, it's just that as nice as it is, it's still small, and we really want our own place.

You would think with all the exercise of moving I would have gone back under 200, but no. It doesn't help that stressing and snacking is really starting to encumber me. I am almost at my year mark and I am so off track. I really would have thought I would have been at a 120 lbs loss by now, instead I'm stuck at 90. Which is no small change, but I still have at least 60 lbs more to lose. The good thing is that now that we have settled in, as soon as I get my security check from my old landlady I'm joing the gym!!!! I know that is what it's going to take to jump off this cliff I've been straddling.

I also need to refocus on eating right and getting my water in. I know if I do this I can and concentrate on my goal, I can make it. I do not wnat to be a fat October bride. We haven't actually set the date, but if all goes well we are going to tie the know in October. We even talked tonight about trying for a baby. I'd give up my figure for that, but in the meantime I need to start busting my butt into being ready for the big day in the meantime. I know I can do it, I just have to believe I can. i still can't figure out why I'm so tired all the time, it doesn't help that I haven't done my blood work and gone in for my 9 month check up. I really need to make some me time. Well I'm back, and I will be faithful to my updates. See ya soon.

HOME

Saturday January 22, 2005:
I tell you I don't have any luck what so ever. I lost my job last week. Laid off for reconstruction because they have no money. It just kills me that is such a line of bullsh*t. The problem was they had no reason to fire me, I got along with everyone except the International Sales manager (no one got along with him), did my work and beyond. No complaints no write ups nothing. They are laying off people and they started with me. I know why my VP started with me, because he is afraid of me. he can't stand strong women at all, and I stand up for myself. Well f*ck him, the place is going to sh*t anyway.

I just don't like not working and there isn't much out there at all. What hurts even more is that I wanted to join the gym so bad, maybe I'll finangle a way to do anyway and workout during the day till I find something. Which may be awhile since the pickings are slim and so is the money that is being offered.

Well not being at work stressing and eating I manages to get back down to the 100's. After 6 weeks back in the 2's I am at 199. It's only a 2lbs loss but I will take it. I am going to get myself motivated to be at my century mark by the end of Febuary. I know I said I wanted to be there by my year anniversary which is next weekend, but that doesn't not look like it's going to happen. But that's okay, as long as I am losing. I would be nice thought to start a new job celebrating the century mark.

Funny thing is I watched one of those true life shows on MTV, and it was about obesity. This one black girl who was only 215 loved herself for being a BBW, and believe me she did have a pretty face and even did a runway show being the only big girl there, it made me feel good about how far I have come. Then there was this 17 yr old boy who was trying to get approved for surgery. He pissed me off, he was all like I'll keep eating that I want, how much I want (all junk mind you) until surgey and this will be a permanent fix. I wanted to strangle him. I have thought about writing to MTV and yelling to the producers in showing someone as ignorant as him. I am no shining example, but one is for sure, I didn't go on binge eating moments because I thought surgery was going to be a quick fix. I would love to know if he got approved and how he is struggling to get the weight off, and keep if off. People like him really make this surgery look like some magic pill and it's not.

Well with idiots like that in mind, and some more time on my hands I am going to rededicate myself to meeting a goal again. When I do I will post new pics, and new stats on any inches I may have lost. I haven't done that in a while. Well there's laundry to do while I wait for the snow. Stay warm everyone!!!!

February journal