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| February 2005 |
| Saturday February 5, 2005: Nothing much is happening, still on the job hunt. Staying at home is really starting to get to me. Even though I try and make the effort to get out of the house once a day for even a few hours, I'm still getting more and more tired. At least I'm finally getting my unemployment checks. Unfortunately the money is not enough. I'm losing at least $850 a month, and that hurts. Right now I feel like I do nothing but laundry...hahaha!!! Thank God my landlord isn't home this weekend because I'm washing everything I can. I'm hoping my friend will call me to ask me to work with for her again at the animal hospital. I made $100 just watching and treating the cutest yorkie pup who got into some antihistamines, for 9 hrs. Talk about easy money. I could do that again easily. Who knows maybe I'll hit a couple of the animal hospitals and see if I can get some part-time work off the books. Can't hurt to try right? Well my weight is still at a standstill. I'm going to try and figure a way to get the money to join a gym. I know if I'm there I will work out. At home, I get so depressed that I don't move except to clean and cook. I'm not munching out so much anymore. And when I do, it's mostly a cupful of popcorn. Which is better than the other crap I was eating. I have to snap myself out of this funk, any suggestions? |
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| Monday February 14, 2005: Happy Valentines Day everyone!!!! Hope everyone is enjoying and cuddling with someone special. And if you don't have a certain someone, than grab your kitty, puppy or even a teddy bear. Well it's definitly not the most romantic Valentines ever, not close. My poor baby got hit by the truck he was loading and now he is swollen and soar. Gratefully nothing is broken, but I know he's really going to feel it in the morning. Anywho...he brought me home some of my favorite pastries. I know I know I shouldn't be eating them, but damn who can resist a napolean? Or canolies for that matter. Well tomorrow after I go to this lame unemployment meeting I am going to scout out this gym nearby and see if it's really $99 for the year. If it is I am joining. I finally figured out how to load music into my MP3, it's still a mess, but I have some folders working. Its pretty cool, so I'm not complaining. Well thats it for now. I'm going to have some coffee and pastry and if the mood strikes I'll have a small piece of my special cake I baked today. I know I know....bad Kathy ...bad. Hahaha!!! Kisses!!! |
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| I know losing my job again is really starting to get me. Especially since this time around I did not deserve to be laid off. It's like I want to just give up. All I can think about how much my life with be different if I had just finished school. Take it from me kids, get your degree. No one is even calling me from my resume, and it's getting harder out there. It is the one dream I have that I know I will never get to have, complete school. Even if I can go to a trade school, like becoming a medical assistant. But I can't. I can't get financial aid, and then there is needing to work full time so I can pay my bills. I look at my future now and I don't see much hope. I know that this is just the depression speaking, but for the moment this is how I am feeling. I just want out of everything and I don't know which way to turn. I need to do something to shake this mood, somewhere somehow, some has got to give. |
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| Friday February 18, 2005: I just love this picture, I feel like if I can't smile this cute kitty can do it for me. As much as I try I can feel the makings of a new wave of depression forming and I can't seem to shake it. I don't think I'm ready to face another round of it, but it looks like I have no choice. A part of me wants to wallow in it, and yet another part of me fears getting trapped in it again. |
| Thursday February 24, 2005: I'm so sorry for last weeks entry. I have really been fighting with my depression, and let me tell you it is not fun. But I am doing better today. I went yesterday and ran some errands, bought myself a new bra and some undies. Then as I walked around I saw so many nice clothes, and all I could think was I wish I could buy them now. Well ladies and gentlemen, I have found a new found strength within myself to get to wear these new clothes. First off I checked out a couple of more health clubs yesterday, and I found one I fell in love with, it's expensive but it's still a contender. I also went on a job interview today. I felt great, looked great, sold myself quite well I might add. But after looking more at the environment and knowing how they work, which I am glad I know now, I don't think I will take it. Tomorrow I will send an email thanking them for their time, but no thanks. Being told that everyone looks to point out mistakes is not the kind of work environment to be in. Not to mention knowing that I will not have someone to really help me along the way also struck me wrong. Thats not what I'm looking for. So on to more prospects. I think I'm better off. Anywho, I was very bad this past week and it reflects on my weight. I am back up to 202 this morning and I am not happy at all with that. But I will not let that discourage me. I've come this far, I can go the rest of way. |
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