Broadcast: January 25, 2004

OUT IN THE COLD

     It seemed like the coldest days of winter had been blasting the countryside for at least a month. The farmer lived in his drafty, old house and tried to keep warm by piling wood into his stove and wearing lots of sweaters. For the most part it worked, but it was a full time job for him to keep warm during those sub-zero days. At night, when the winter winds were the worst, the bleak landscape was even colder. It was on one of those nights that the livestock in the barn happened to glance up towards the house.
     "Will you look at that," the horse said. "Here we are, freezing our haunches here in the barn while the farmer is inside keeping warm. There's something wrong with all this."
     The sheep, with her wool, was better off than the others.
     "Tell me about it," she said. "He keeps coming outside to get more wood for his lovely fire. What do we have? Nothing! I've got a little wool around me but it isn't much."
     "I'm freezing," the pig stated. "That's all. I'm just flat freezing."
     The horse had an idea.
     "Wouldn't it be great," he said, "if we could exchange places with that farmer for just one night. Get him to come out here. We could spend the night in his house for a change."
     "Your brain must be frozen," the sheep said. "Why would he sleep in the barn when he has a house?"
     "I don't know," the horse said, "but I propose a contest. I am proposing a contest between the animals in this freezing cold barn. To win, all you must do is get the farmer to give up his house and sleep in the barn for one night!"
     "You're on!" the pig shouted.
     "You're all crazy," the sheep said.
     "I know how we can do it!" the young rooster said.
     No one was listening to him.
     The horse announced: "Who wants to go first? Pig, do you have an idea?"
     "I sure do," he said. "The sooner we get started, the sooner we'll be in his warm house. Watch this!"
     Although the pig had a lot of enthusiasm and a lot of energy, he wasn't too bright. He walked right up to the farmer's house and knocked on the door.
     "Excuse me," the pig said when the farmer opened the door. "I was wondering if you would be willing to sleep in the barn tonight so we can sleep in your house. Does that sound ok?"
     "Bah!" the farmer said and slammed the door shut without another thought.
     "Any more brilliant ideas, Pig?" the horse asked.
     "I have a good idea," the young rooster said.
     "This is the craziest thing I've ever heard," the sheep interrupted. "I know it won't work but I'll give it a try. It will be worth it if we can spend one night in that warm farmhouse."
     So the sheep when up and knocked on the door. In a few minutes, the farmer opened the door just a crack.
     "How dare you," the sheep cried. "How dare you sleep in that warm, comfortable house while your animals who work for you each and everyday of the year, without any complaining, must sleep in the cold and endure the most primitive conditions not fit for beast nor man. How dare you ignore the very ones who—"
     "Bah!" the farmer said and slammed the door shut without another thought.
     "I’ll have to hand it to you, Sheep," the horse said. "You were absolutely right. It didn’t work. Can’t somebody figure out a way to get that farmer into the barn for just one night?"
     "My idea," the rooster said, "might work. You see—"
     "Anybody? All right," the horse said, "I’ll have to do it myself. I didn’t want it to come down to this but I’ll do it myself. You know what they say: if you want it done right, do it yourself. Pig, you had your chance. And sheep, you blew it, too. That leaves it up to me, old horse, to do the job right and get that farmer out in the cold where he belongs. You know what I mean? Yessir! That leaves it up to me."
     Muttering all the way, the horse went up to the door of the farmhouse and knocked loudly. As soon as the farmer opened the door, horse started in.
     "On behalf of the animals of this farm, I find it only fair and considerate for you, as the farmer of the first part, indebted to the animals of the second part, henceforth referred to as the said animals of the farm, whereas the cold weather and so forth, brings undo hardship upon said animals who seek recourse in the sense of being allowed to sleep henceforth until daybreak of the first day, furthermore without delay in said farmhouse. In addition, the first party agrees to hold blameless the second party for any damages the second part might inflict, cause, occur, happen upon the said premises—"
     "Bah!" the farmer said and slammed the door shut once again.
    "I have an idea that will work," the young rooster said.
     "I really thought my plan might work," the horse muttered.
     "I said I have an idea that will work!" the rooster insisted.
     "What?"
     "Isn’t there some sort of contest here?" he asked. "I want to enter the contest. I‘ve got a fantastic idea on how to get that farmer out of his house and into the barn."
     "Aw, whatever," the pig said. "We don’t have time for a little chicken like you. What kind of plan could you come up with?"
     "Besides," the rooster said, "I’m not a chicken, I’m a rooster. There’s a big difference."
     "Well, don’t just stand there," the sheep said. "Show us your brilliant plan. We’re all breathless as can be."
     "Are you guys ready to go inside?" he asked. "Just follow me, ok?"
     Nobody said anything.
     "Ok?" the rooster asked again.
     "All right all ready," the horse muttered. "Just do it."
     The rooster began to crow and to cock-a-doodle-doo just like it was sunrise even though it was the middle of the night.
     "Ooo," the pig said as rolled his eyes. "I wish I had thought of this. That’s really going to do the trick. Ooo, what a smart little rooster we have here. He’s a regular mastermind, eh?"
     "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" the little rooster called again, even louder.
     Presently, the door opened and the farmer came out into the darkness.
     "Dad-blame it," the old man said under his breath. "All night long them animals been knockin’ at my door. It felt like I hardly got to sleep at all. Now, here it is, the start of morning and the sun will be up soon. Freezing cold, too. Got to get to the chores and get busy with the day."
     "Come on, friends," the young rooster whispered and he lead the way into the house.
     As soon as the horse, the pig and the sheep were inside with the rooster, they locked the door and settled down in front of the warm fire.
     "Ah, isn’t this the life," the pig said. "Just feel that heat."
     "You are right, my friend," the horse said.
     "And I must admit," the sheep said, "our young rooster friend here came up with the idea. Very clever. Very, very clever indeed."
     Outside, the farmer couldn’t find the animals. And when the sun didn’t come up, he realized his mistake. Heading back to the house, the farmer found the door lock.
     "Aw, nuts!" he cried. "I’ve locked myself out! Well, I’ll go sleep in the hay and try to keep warm till morning and then figure it out. Too late and too cold to do anything about it right now."
     So the farmer spent the rest of the night in barn, just as the animals had wished. He was much too cold to enjoy his sleep on this frozen night. And, to the delight of the barnyard animals, the very next day the farmer went into town and bought a heater for the barn. That was the last night anybody had to spend out in the cold.

The End