Chapter 2
Later
that night Helen again rang Joan Wade. “Mrs Wade, its Helen Stewart. Look I’m
sticking my neck out here but would you come to my office at the prison?”
“Has
Nikki agreed to see me?” Joan asked eagerly.
“Not
yet, but I won’t give up trying. How about Thursday around 11.30?”
“Yes
that’s fine and thank you, Miss Stewart.”
“Not
at all, Mrs Wade.” Helen replaced the receiver pensively. Now all she had to do
was talk Nikki into seeing her mother.
Thursday
morning came and Helen had still not told Nikki about her mother’s visit. She
decided to let events take their own course but if Nikki kicked up a fuss Helen
knew she could be the one in deep shit for a change.
Just
before 11.30 there was a knock on the office door and Di Barker entered. “Mrs
Wade for you, ma’am.” She stood to one side and allowed Joan Wade to enter
before leaving and closing the door behind her.
Helen
came from behind her desk and shook the other woman’s hand warmly. “Nice to
meet you, Mrs Wade. I’m Helen Stewart. Please take a seat. Would you like a cup
of tea or coffee?”
“Nothing,
thanks, Miss Stewart,” the older woman replied nervously.
Helen
sat down at her desk and studied Joan Wade carefully. Her heart skipped a beat.
She seemed to be looking at an older version of Nikki. Joan’s hair was peppered
with grey and she carried a little more weight than her daughter but the warm
brown eyes and the smile were Nikki’s. So this is what Nikki could look like in
25 years time, she thought. She mentally shook herself. Joan Wade was looking
at her questioningly.
“Sorry,”
she apologised. “I know I was staring but I can’t believe how like Nikki you
are.”
“Did
you tell her I was coming?”
“No,
I didn’t. I thought she’d raise all kinds of hell and get herself put on the
block so she wouldn’t have to meet you.”
“The
block?” Joan repeated.
“Segregation,”
Helen explained. “I thought we’d have a chat and then I can have her brought
here to see you, if you still want to.”
“I
want to see her, but I feel scared. It’s been so long. Almost twenty years.”
“Why
have you suddenly decided you want to see her now? “ Helen demanded almost
accusingly. “You didn’t try and see her during the trial.”
Joan
flushed as she heard the sharpness in Helen’s voice. “My husband wouldn’t let
me.”
“I
see,” Helen murmured softly.
“No,
I don’t think you do see, Miss Stewart,” Joan countered. “When Nikki was about
sixteen she told me she was a…a lesbian. Foolishly I told her father. He was furious
and there was an almighty row. Nikki’s temper was almost as bad as her
father’s.”
“It
still is.” Helen smiled wryly. “I’ve been on the receiving end of it once or
twice myself.”
“He
threw her out of the house and wouldn’t let me see her. He said I had to choose
between him and my daughter. It broke my heart but what could I do? She had
friends…a girlfriend…I only had my husband. I thought he would relent
eventually but he never has.”
“Does
Nikki’s father know you’ve come here today?”
“No,
I left him about six months ago. I haven’t seen him since.”
“It
must have been hard leaving someone you’ve been married to for so long.”
“Not
really, in fact it was a relief. My husband was, and always will be, an
arrogant, homophobic bigot.” She laughed nervously. “The words of a friend of
mine but they sum him up pretty well.” She fiddled with her handbag strap.
“This friend, Pam. She was the only one I could talk to about Nikki because my
husband wouldn’t have her name mentioned in the house. Then last year Pam told
me she too was a lesbian. Even though I’d known her for years, I never guessed
and she said she hadn’t told me before because she loved me and didn’t want to
lose my friendship. I loved her too, not in a physical sense, but I loved her.
Then I realised if I could love her I could love my own daughter.” She took a
handkerchief from her handbag and wiped her eyes.
“Are
you alright, Mrs Wade?” Helen asked kindly.
Joan
nodded. “When I told my husband I was going to try and make things up with
Nikki he gave me an ultimatum…Nikki or him. So I left.”
“And
what about your friend?”
“She
died six months ago.”
“I’m
so sorry,” Helen said sympathetically.
“I’m
sorry for all the years I wasted when I could have been with Nikki,” Joan
murmured sadly.
All
the years I wasted when I could have been with Nikki, the sentence echoed in
Helen’s head. Is that how she would be feeling in twenty years time? She picked
up the telephone, “Would you bring Nikki Wade to my office, please.”
“Do
you think she’ll agree to see me?” Joan asked hopefully.
“I’m
sure she will,” Helen replied with a confidence she did not feel.
When
the door opened to admit Nikki, Helen was standing beside it waiting to greet
her. “You just can’t keep away from me, can you, Helen?” Nikki teased.
Helen
cleared her throat noisily to try and muffle Nikki’s words hoping Joan hadn’t
heard.
Joan
rose unsteadily from her chair. “Nikki,” she said softly.
Nikki
spun round at the sound of her mother’s voice then turned back to Helen who by
now was leaning against the door barring her escape. “How could you do this to
me, Helen? Why does every woman I care about have to betray me? First her, then
Trisha and now you.” Her voice was barely a whisper but Helen knew she was only
just managing to keep her anger in check.
“Nikki,
listen, I haven’t betrayed you…”
“No,
you listen, Helen!” Her voice rose angrily. “I told you I didn’t want to see
her. Now get out of my way!”
“Nikki…”
the two women said her name simultaneously.
“Get
out of my way, Helen!” she repeated menacingly.
“Sit
down, Nikki, and listen to what your mother has to say or so help me you will
be down on the block so fast your feet won’t touch the ground!” Helen ordered
her own anger rising.
Nikki
leaned forward until her face was almost touching Helen’s. “I would rather be
on the block than here with her.” She jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “Now
are you going to get out of my way or do I have to move you?”
“No
I am not and lay one finger on me and I’ll…I’ll have you transferred,” she
lied.
“It’s
up to me who visits me, not you!”
“Mrs
Wade is my guest, but report me to
Stubberfield if you must!” Helen retorted.
“I
just might do that,” Nikki replied angrily, then she looked at Helen defeat showing
in her eyes. She wouldn’t report her, she wouldn’t do anything to hurt her and
Helen knew that.
“Sit
down, Nikki, please,” Helen said gently.
Nikki
looked as if she was about to argue but thought better of it and sullenly sank
onto a vacant chair much to Helen’s relief.
“I’ll
give you some time to yourselves.” She shot Joan Wade a reassuring smile before
leaving the office and locking the door behind her. At least Nikki wouldn’t be
able to leave once her back was turned but she stood in the corridor outside
her office just in case Nikki decided to cause any trouble. For a long while
she could hear Joan speaking in hushed tones, interspersed with Nikki’s voice
raised in anger, then eventually there was silence.
She
gave them a few more minutes then unlocked the office door and went in. Nikki
was standing arms folded staring out of the window. Joan was standing behind
Nikki her hand resting on her daughter’s back.
“Everything
OK?” Helen asked brightly. Nikki nodded.
Helen
looked at Joan who smiled and nodded.
“Look,
I’ve got some things to do.” Nikki muttered. “I’ll see you later.” She left the
room without a backward glance but not before Helen saw her eyes were shining
with tears.
“Nikki’s
going to send me a visiting order so I can come and see her again.” Joan Wade
choked back a sob and Helen touched her arm comfortingly.
“That’s
great! I’m really pleased.”
“I
don’t know how to thank you, Miss Stewart. I know it won’t be easy but I’m
going to do all I can to make it up to Nikki.”
“Give
her time, Mrs Wade. I’m sure everything will work out.”