BARRIER OF DOUBT

 

 

Chapter 12

 

 

Nikki stood looking up at Helen’s front door. She smiled as she remembered the first time she had been here, after she had escaped from Larkhall, hammering away for all she was worth because Helen wouldn’t let her in. She started to mount the steps as Helen’s son ran round the corner and down the steps as fast as his little legs could carry him and straight into her. “Whoa, Tiger!” She laughed as she scooped him up.

 

“Nicky! How many times have I told you not to go out of the garden?” Helen said impatiently as she ran into view. She stopped dead when she saw who was holding her son.  “What the hell are you doing here?”

 

“Preventing a jail break,” she said flippantly then her face became serious. “Hello, Helen. I just came to say I’m sorry for what happened at the club the other night.”

 

Helen momentarily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She couldn’t believe the effect Nikki still had on her. Couldn’t believe the way her pulses quickened at the very sight of her.

 

“I’ll still be here when you open them,” Nikki teased. “Or is that what you are afraid of?” Helen’s eyes opened and her lips pursed angrily. Nikki saw the action – she had been on the receiving end of it more than once – and laughed to defuse the situation. “I was only kidding. Now, shall we get this young man back to safety.” She swung him onto her shoulders and he laughed loudly as she bounded up the steps. In the back garden she lifted Nicholas down from her shoulders and he went scurrying off. As she turned to close the gate she noticed the catch was loose. “Have you got a screwdriver handy?” she asked following Helen into the kitchen.

 

Helen crossed to one of the drawers and as she dragged it open the handle came off in her hand. “Shit!” she said softly but not softly enough.

 

“Mummy said a naughty word,” Nicky said from the doorway.

 

“Yes, she did, didn’t she, Nicky?” Nikki agreed trying to suppress her smile.

 

Helen glared at her. “Find your own sodding screwdriver!”

 

“Mummy said…”

 

“Yes, another naughty word, didn’t she, Nicky?” This time Nikki didn’t attempt to hide her smile at the irritated look on Helen’s face.

 

“Well, I didn’t realise you were so perfect!” Helen snapped.

 

“Calm down, Helen. It was just a joke.”

 

“I’m sorry. I know it’s no excuse but I’ve had a rough day at school.”

 

Nikki looked to see if the toddler was listening but he had gone back outside. “Don’t let the little buggers get you down!” she said softly.

 

The last time Nikki had said something like that to her had also been the first time they had kissed. Helen looked at Nikki expectantly and saw the look in her eyes and knew she too was remembering. She smiled suddenly. “No, I won’t.”

 

“Does Anna live with you?” Nikki asked, trying to steer the subject to safer ground.

 

“No, she’s just here on holiday. Mum and dad as well. They come down every few weeks or so to see their grandson.” She looked at Nikki who was still watching her, an unreadable expression on her face. “Well, I’d better get Nicky’s tea ready,” she said as her son came back into the kitchen.

 

“Do you want to stay for tea?” Nicky offered. “We’re having fingers and hoops.”

 

“Fingers and hoops?” Nikki looked at Helen for clarification.

 

“Fish fingers and spaghetti hoops,” Helen informed her. “His favourites.”

 

“Yes, thank you, I’d love to stay for tea.” Nikki grimaced.

 

“Serves you right for coming, “ Helen muttered.

 

Whilst Helen prepared the meal, Nikki stripped off her jacket and, after rummaging through the drawer until she found a suitable screwdriver, tightened up the screws on the gate catch.

 

She went back into the kitchen where Helen was putting the cutlery on the table and stood looking at her. If anything she was more beautiful than ever. “You’ve lost weight. It suits you.”

 

“Meaning I was fat before,” Helen snapped.

 

“That’s not what I meant and you know it. As far as I’m concerned, you were always perfect.” Their eyes locked and held.

 

Helen was the first to look away. “Will you fetch Nicky in for me, please? Tea is nearly ready and I want him to wash his hands.”

 

“Did you mean it when you said you’d named him after me?” Nikki asked from the doorway.

 

Helen smiled. “Don’t forget to wash your hands as well.”

 

Nikki returned her smile, happier than she had been in months. “Yes, Miss Stewart.”

 

Helen looked through the kitchen window and watched Nikki trying to round up her son. She couldn’t believe she was really here again after all these years. She closed her eyes as a wave of desire invaded her body when she remembered the first time Nikki had been here with her. Nikki’s tender, unselfish lovemaking, her hands and lips touching her in all the right places. She had always had doubts about the depth of her feelings for Nikki but that night had dispelled them all. She had realised what she felt for her wasn’t just curiosity or a flirtation but a deep abiding love that had sustained her when her life was at its darkest.

 

She heard her son squeal with laughter as Nikki finally caught him and tucked him under her arm then ran with him straight into the kitchen and deposited him on the draining board. “Touchdown!”  Nikki yelled.

 

“Touchdown!” the toddler echoed clapping his chubby little hands together.

 

“You’re just a big kid at heart,” Helen said affectionately.

 

“But I’ve grown up a lot in the last few years,” Nikki told her softly. “Helen…” What she was going to say was lost as she heard her mobile ringing. She lifted Nicholas down from the draining board before picking up her jacket from the back of a chair and taking her mobile from her pocket. “Nikki Wade…Hiya, babe…Shit! You’re joking.”

 

“Mummy, Nikki said….”

 

“Shhh, sweetheart,” Helen murmured.

 

“Alright, I’ll be home straight away, Trish.” Nikki finished her call and turned to Helen a look of regret on her face. “I’m sorry, Helen. There’s a problem at the restaurant. The chef has walked out on us.”

 

“Don’t worry, your business comes first,” Helen said stiffly.

 

Nikki looked at her curiously before turning her attention to the boy. “Will you invite me to tea again?” He nodded suddenly shy. “Do I get a hug then?” She crouched down and he placed his arms around her neck. Nikki hugged him tightly to her. “See you later, Nicky” she promised. She stood up and turned to Helen. “May I come again?”

 

“Nikki, I don’t think…”

 

“Please! We have such a lot to talk about.”

 

Helen looked at her. She never could resist Nikki’s dark soulful eyes. It was funny her son’s eyes were the same colour as Nikki’s, gave her the same looks. “If you want,” she said quietly.

 

“I do.” She smiled and looked down at Nicky, clutching his mother’s leg. “You should be very proud of him. He’s gorgeous.” Then she looked back at Helen. “And so are you.”

 

Helen’s stomach did a somersault at the look in Nikki’s eyes. She swallowed hard and looked down at the floor.

 

“Well, I’d better go. ‘Bye, Helen. ‘Bye, Tiger.” She slung her jacket carelessly over her shoulder and went out of the back door.

 

“She called me ‘Tiger’.” Nicky pulled at Helen’s skirt.

 

Helen bent down and clutched her son to her, her eyes suddenly filling with tears. So, she was back with Trish again.

 

“Why are you crying, Mummy?” A little voice demanded.

 

“Because I love you very much.” She wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. “Now, young man, tea, bath and bed for you!” She tickled his ribs and he screamed with delight. Yes, she loved her son but she also loved Nikki Wade!

 

 

Anna’s face contorted as she applied her eye make-up. She had a date with the barman from Nikki Wade’s club but at the rate she was going she would have to take her nephew with her. Helen was caught up in meetings at the primary school where she taught and her parents had gone to visit one of her dad’s old army friends for a couple of days. Shit! She was rushing and her mascara was going everywhere. She had just finished one eye when the doorbell rang. Damn and blast!

 

She opened the door to find a smiling Nikki on the doorstep. “Hi, Nikki,” Anna greeted her pleasantly. “Sorry, Helen’s not in. She’s got parents’ meetings at school.”

 

“Oh, right,” Nikki replied disappointedly and turned to leave.

 

“Why don’t you come in and wait for her?” Anna suggested. “ She shouldn’t be long. I hope not, anyway, I’ve got a date and mum and dad have gone to stay with some friends for a couple of days.” She stood to one side to allow Nikki to enter.

 

Nikki followed Anna into the living room where Nicholas was lying on his stomach surrounded by toy cars.

 

“Hiya, Nikki,” he said seriously when he saw her.

 

“Hiya, Tiger.” She bent down and ruffled his hair.

 

“Do you want to play cars with me?”

 

“Yeah, in a minute,” she agreed. She turned to Anna. “Look, if Helen isn’t back by the time you have to go out, I’ll look after him.”

 

Anna looked at her doubtfully. “I don’t really know.”

 

“I have looked after kids before, you know, Anna. I used to earn pocket money by babysitting,” Nikki reassured her.

 

“Nikki, come and play,” Nicholas ordered.

 

She looked at Anna and shrugged resignedly then took off her jacket and tossed it over the back of an armchair. She kept him entertained until Anna finished getting ready.

 

“Will I do?” Anna asked as she came into the room.

 

Nikki stood up and looked her up and down appreciatively. Anna was attractive probably more so than Helen but she had none of Helen’s womanly curves. “You look very nice,” Nikki assured her. “Except you’ve got a bit of mascara here.” She pointed just below her own eye.

 

“Here?”

 

“No, other side. Here let me do it,” she laughed as she moved closer to Anna and ran her thumb over the offending mark.

 

Helen chose that moment to come in and saw them standing close together, laughing, Nikki caressing Anna’s cheek. She felt a jealous rage build up inside her. Nikki and her own sister! “What the hell is going on?” she demanded.

 

Nikki spun round at the sound of Helen’s voice and was surprised to see she had a face like thunder. “Helen, what’s wrong?”

 

“What sort of a creature are you?” she stormed. “Trying it on with my own sister whilst my son is in the room!”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” Nikki said in astonishment. “I wasn’t trying it on!”

 

“Helen, you’ve got it all wrong,” Anna protested.

 

“And you’re no better!” Helen turned on her.

 

“If you won’t listen to reason, I’m going!” Anna exclaimed and flounced out.

 

Helen glared at Nikki. “Well, why don’t you go after her?”

 

“Oh, I’m going,” Nikki said angrily as she snatched up her jacket then she lowered her voice. “But you’re way off the mark, Helen and if your son wasn’t in the room I’d prove it to you!” She left the room and Helen heard her call ‘Anna, wait’ before the front door slammed shut.

 

Helen woke as she heard Anna’s key in the lock and glanced at the clock, it was three-thirty. She had fallen asleep on the settee and had a crick in her neck. She stood up and was just flexing her neck as Anna came into the room.

 

“I thought you’d be in bed,” Anna said stiffly.

 

“Well, did she get what she wanted?” Helen demanded angrily.

 

Anna looked at her smugly. “She’s gorgeous, sexy, rich and I had a great shag!”

 

“You’re disgusting!” Helen exclaimed distastefully.

 

“Why? Because I do the things you’re too tight-arsed to do?” Anna retorted. “Get over yourself, Helen. If you want Nikki, go and give her one before somebody else does!”

 

“I thought you already had!”

 

“Helen, I was with Dave, the barman from Nikki’s club. She gave me a lift into town that’s all.” She went and hugged Helen to her. “You’re a silly cow, Hel. If I fancied the pants off Nikki – which I don’t – I wouldn’t do anything about it because I know how you feel about her.”

 

Helen put her arms around her sister. “Oh, Anna. I’m so sorry for the horrible things I said to you,” she said dismally.

 

Anna drew back and looked at her. “Nikki’s the one you should be apologising to, Helen, not me. You really hurt her.”

 

“Alright. I’ll call her tomorrow…or rather today.”

 

 

Helen opened her bag and took out the business card Nikki had given her. She was dreading calling her she knew how unforgiving Nikki could be. Taking a deep breath she picked up the cordless phone and punched in Nikki’s mobile number. “Nikki, it’s me,” she said nervously when her call was answered.

 

“What do you want, Helen?”

 

“Anna explained what happened.”

 

“So, that makes it alright does it?” Nikki exclaimed. “You believed her but not me.”

 

“I’m sorry, Nikki. I jumped to the wrong conclusion and if you weren’t so bloody intolerant you would be gracious enough to accept my apology!” Helen replied, her anger rising.

 

“Me! Intolerant!” Nikki repeated.

 

“Yes, you damn well are! I was going to invite you round for dinner tonight but I don’t think I’ll bother.”

 

“What time does Nicky go to bed?” Nikki demanded.

 

“About half past seven!” Helen snapped.

 

“Fine, I’ll see you at half past six.”

 

Helen blinked in surprise as the phone went dead, then her face broke into a smile as she looked down at her son. “I think your mummy has just been forgiven!”

 

 

Helen opened the door to Nikki’s knock to find herself face-to-face with a large bouquet of flowers.

 

“Peace offering,” Nikki’s voice came from the other side of them then the flowers were lowered and her smiling face came into view.

 

“Nikki, they’re lovely but you shouldn’t have they must have cost a fortune,” Helen protested as she took the flowers from her. “Anyway, I should be the one giving the peace offering. I am really sorry.”

 

“Well, I’m gracious enough to accept your apology,” Nikki replied with a twinkle in her eye.

 

“Don’t push it,” Helen said with mock severity. “Come on in.”

 

Nikki stooped and picked up a bottle of wine from the top step. “You’ve got a generous milkman,” she said jokingly.

 

“What’s that?” Helen pointed at Nikki’s hand.

 

“Bottle of wine.”

 

“The other hand, you fool.”

 

Nikki held up a child’s tricycle. “My new form of transport.” She smiled shyly. “It’s a present for Nicky. You don’t mind, do you?”

 

Helen’s face softened. “No, of course not. He’ll be thrilled. He’s through there.” She smiled as she watched Nikki go into the living room and heard the delight in her son’s voice as he yelled Nikki’s name.

 

Whilst Helen prepared their evening meal, Nikki spent the next half hour pushing Nicholas around the garden on his present and teaching him how to ride it.

 

“Time for your bath,” Helen eventually called from the back door.

 

“I’ll bath him for you,” Nikki offered as she pushed Nicholas up to his mother.

 

“You!” Helen said in surprise.

 

“Why is it such a mind-blowing thought to everyone that I know how to look after kids?” Nikki demanded.

 

“Ok then, since you’re offering but you’ll be sorry,” she laughed. “You undress him and I’ll go and run the bath.”

 

Nicholas tried to run back outside with the tricycle. “No you don’t,” Nikki said as she grabbed hold of him. After much struggling she got him out of his clothes and carried him into the bathroom where Helen lifted him into the bath.

 

“Right then, I’ll leave you to it and carry on with the meal. Good luck!” She went into the kitchen where she finished preparing the lasagne and popped it in the oven and mixed a green salad.

 

She heard giggling and splashing and went back into the bathroom to find Nikki threatening to dive bomb her son with a plastic duck. She stood watching them for several moments before she spoke. “If they could see you at Larkhall now, Nikki Wade, they would never believe it.”

 

Nikki turned, a sheepish grin on her face, as Helen came all the way into the bathroom and crouched beside the bath. “Are you being a good boy for your Auntie Nikki?” she said as she dropped a kiss on the top of her son’s head.

 

“Don’t I get one of those?” Nikki teased.

 

Helen looked at her sharply then, realising she was joking, joined in with her flippant mood. “That depends upon whether you’ve been a good girl or not? Have you learnt how to be a good girl yet, Nikki?”

 

Nikki smiled at her. “I think so.”

 

Helen cupped Nikki’s face with her hands and their eyes met. As Nikki moved closer Helen tilted her head and kissed Nikki’s brow then stood up quickly. “Since you’re already wet you can have the pleasure of lifting him out of the bath.”

 

“Spoilsport,” she heard Nikki mutter.

 

By the time Nikki had managed to lift a reluctant Nicholas from the bath and wrap him in a large bath towel, she was soaking wet.

 

Helen, who had been laughing at her struggles, looked at her apologetically. “You’re soaked. I told you you’d be sorry. Hold on, I’ll get you one of my tops.”

 

She left the bathroom them came back carrying a white short-sleeved blouse. She handed it to Nikki and started drying her son whilst Nikki stripped off her wet T-shirt. Helen flushed and looked away.

 

“No need to be embarrassed, Helen,” she said in a sarcastic undertone as she slipped on Helen’s blouse and began to fasten the buttons. “You’ve seen it all before.”

 

Helen looked up at her, her face flushed not by embarrassment but the feeling of desire that had gripped her at the sight of Nikki’s partially clad body. “I think you’d better go, Nikki.”

 

“Yeah, I think I’d better.” She picked up her T-shirt and dropped a kiss on Nicholas’s cheek. “I’ll let you have the blouse back.”

 

“There’s no rush. Drop it off when you’re passing.”

 

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather I kept on going?” Nikki demanded sarcastically. She turned to leave but Helen’s voice stopped her.

 

“Nikki, wait!” Helen walked over and stopped just in front of her. “I don’t want us to go back to the way we were, always arguing and bickering so if you can’t handle that, don’t bother coming back.”

 

“You always were beautiful when you were angry.” Nikki smiled breaking the tension.

 

“And you can stop that!”

 

“Why? Doesn’t it do anything for you anymore?”

 

Helen lowered her head. “No,” she lied. “Now, if you want to stay, go and set the table whilst I put Nicky to bed. The place mats and cutlery are in the top drawer in the unit.”

 

Nikki was just putting the finishing touches to the table when Helen came into the dining room. “I didn’t know if you would still be here.”

 

“Helen, I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since breakfast so I’m not passing up on a free meal no matter how grouchy the cook is,” she replied mischievously.

 

Helen wagged her finger at her playfully. “You’re pushing it again. Nicky wants to say ‘goodnight’ to you.” They went into his bedroom to find him fast asleep.

 

Nikki looked tenderly down at the sleeping child. “He’s beautiful, Helen,” she whispered. “He looks so much like you when he’s asleep.”

 

Helen looked at Nikki illuminated only by the bedside lamp. You’re beautiful too, she thought longingly. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. “Come on, let’s eat.”

     

“My compliments to the chef,” Nikki said as she eventually placed her knife and fork on her plate. She had devoured two helpings of lasagne and umpteen slices of garlic bread.

 

“I don’t know where you put it,” Helen said in disbelief.

 

“I have to do something with my big gob apart from putting my foot in it,” she grinned.

 

“Did you get your chef sorted out?” Helen asked as she sipped her wine.

 

“He’s still with us but, after that meal, if you want the job I’ll sack the pain in the ar…rear. Your son is having a bad effect on me,” she laughed.

 

Helen joined in her laughter. “He certainly speaks his mind.”

 

Nikki looked at her, suddenly serious. “He doesn’t take after his mother then.”

 

“What do you mean by that?”

 

“We were lovers but I never knew what was on your mind or where you were coming from,” she said accusingly.

 

“You’ve some need to talk,” Helen snapped. “You didn’t even believe me when I told you I loved you.”

 

Nikki sighed. “I know I didn’t. I was crazy not to but when you made me go back I thought it was because you didn’t want me.”

 

“Nikki, how could you think that? Didn’t I prove how much I wanted you that night?” Helen asked, her cheeks burning as she remembered their lovemaking. “And I did everything I could to get you your appeal. I put my job on the line at every turn but I did it gladly because I wanted to be with you.”

 

“Barbara told me about how you lost your job because of me. I’m really sorry, Helen. If it’s any consolation, I think Shell Dockley sent the letter.”

 

“Dockley!” Helen echoed in surprise. “What makes you think she sent it?“

 

“The day I left Larkhall she said she’d fixed you, almost fixed me and she was going to fix Barbara.”

 

“Shell always did have an eloquent turn of phrase. Go on then, Sherlock, tell me more,” Helen laughed.

 

Nikki grinned. “Well, she sent the letter and got you the sack, killed Dominic and almost framed me.”

 

“But why did she beat Barbara up? What was the point after you’d been released?”

 

“She said she was going to fix Barbara to wind me up so I would do something stupid and I very nearly did but Barbara stopped me,” Nikki admitted. ”Barbara told me afterwards that she had sussed out that Dockley had murdered Dominic and confronted her and that’s why she’d beaten her.”

 

“Dominic told me he thought you’d sent the letter.”

 

“Out of spite, you mean?” Nikki demanded.

 

Helen nodded. “But then again Dominic told the both of us so many lies, I don’t know what’s the truth anymore.”

 

“Believe this, Helen, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, then or now.” She laughed bitterly. “I know it’s wrong to speak ill of the dead but the bastard sure screwed us up, didn’t he?”

 

“If our relationship had been stronger maybe he wouldn’t have been able to screw us up. We didn’t really stand a chance, did we?”

 

“So, where do we go from here?” Nikki raised her eyebrows. “Can we…Do you still want to be friends?”

 

Helen nodded. “I’d like that. We were good friends once, weren’t we?” She added teasingly. “Before your hormones kicked in, that is.”

 

Nikki looked at her with an expression she couldn’t read. “Don’t worry, Helen, they’re firmly under control now,” she told her with a hint of regret in her voice.

 

Helen looked at her and smiled. “It is good to see you, Nikki. I’ve really missed you.”

 

“Enough to have dinner with me one night? Say, tomorrow?” She looked at her hopefully.

 

“Don’t you think Trish might have something to say about that?” she answered stiffly.

 

“Trish?” Nikki frowned.

 

“You may not think twice about two-timing your girlfriend, Nikki, but don’t make me a party to it,” she snapped.

 

“Helen, I’ve never two-timed anyone in my life and for your information, Trish has a girlfriend, Mandie. They have been together for almost two years and are very happy.”

 

Helen flushed under Nikki’s accusing gaze. “I’m sorry. I heard you on the phone to her and…”

 

“Put two and two together and came up with five. I hope you don’t teach maths at this school of yours,” she teased. “So, will you have dinner with me tomorrow?”

 

“No,” Helen said softly.

 

“Ok,” Nikki forced a disappointed smile, which was replaced by a broad grin at Helen’s next words.

 

“But I will the night after!”

 

 

On to Chapter 13

 

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