Chapter
11
Barbara Hunt opened the door of her bungalow and smiled with
relief when she saw who her visitor was. “Thank goodness you’ve come, Helen.
She’s frightening me. I don’t know what to do.”
“Where is she?”
“Out in the garden. She spends most of the day out there just
staring into space. I brought her here the day after Claire’s funeral three
weeks ago and she hasn’t been away from the house since. She hardly eats,
sleeps or talks and she hasn’t cried at all, not even at the funeral.”
“I’ll just get his lordship out of the car and I’ll see what I can
do. Don’t worry, Barbara,” Helen Stewart told her kindly. She went back to her
car where her son was waiting patiently to be released from his child-seat and
opened the car door. “Come on, my son. Go and say ‘hello’ to your Auntie
Barbara,” she said as she unfastened the restraining straps and lifted him onto
the ground. She locked the car and followed them into the house.
“What we gonna do with her, Barbara?” Helen asked as she watched
Nikki through the kitchen window. Her heart went out to her. Gone was the tall
erect figure, instead her shoulders were stooped like those of an old woman.
She had never seen her this bad even when she had been at her lowest ebb at Larkhall.
Claire’s death had obviously devastated her. She turned and looked at Barbara.
“Did she know I was coming?”
Barbara shook her head. Since her own release from Larkhall, Helen
had become a frequent visitor, making sure her visits never coincided with
Nikki’s and they had developed a close friendship. She hadn’t told Nikki about
Helen’s visits and she did feel guilty sometimes about deceiving her but
Helen’s family was far away and she had no one else. “I didn’t dare tell her.
When she does talk she flies off the handle at nothing."
“She always did have a short fuse,” Helen mused then looked around
her. “Where on earth has he gone now?”
Nikki had a feeling she was being watched. She turned round to
find a small boy standing behind her. She frowned. She couldn’t remember seeing
him before. He didn’t look like one of the neighbours’ kids. “Hello,” she said
softly. “Where did you come from?” She crouched down as he stood silently
watching her. “What’s your name? I’m Nikki.”
“Nicky.”
“That’s right,” she said patiently. “Now, what’s your name?”
“Nicky.”
Nikki smiled to herself. She was getting a long way here. She
tapped her chest. “I’m Nikki. Who are you?”
He put his finger on his chest. “I’m Nicky.”
She started to laugh then, without warning burst into tears and
great heaving sobs shook her slender shoulders.
Helen looked back through the kitchen window and smiled. Nikki was
on her knees and her son was standing in front of her. She saw Nikki’s body was
shaking and ran outside calling her name.
Barbara had followed her out and they dashed across the lawn.
Helen’s voice had startled her son and he began to wail. “Take him, Barbara.
He’s frightened. Give him a cuddle and a biscuit and he’ll be ok.” She fell to her knees in front of Nikki and
wrapped her arms around her. “It’s alright, Nikki. I’m here.” She stroked her
hair, gently soothing her as she sobbed uncontrollably. “Let it all out,
sweetheart.”
As Nikki’s sobs started to abate Helen drew her gently to her
feet. Keeping an arm around her for support, she guided her into the bungalow
to where Barbara was nursing her son who was happily munching a biscuit. She
took her through to her bedroom and, still keeping her arm around her sat her
down on the edge of the bed. “Let’s get you into bed, sweetheart,” she said
softly.
Nikki looked at her as if she had just realised who she was.
“Helen?” she murmured.
“I’m here, Nikki.” She stooped down, unfastened Nikki’s trainers
and pulled them off. “Stand up, love,” she said patiently.
Nikki rose mechanically to her feet and Helen pulled back the
bedclothes. “Come on. Get into bed. We’ll soon have you well again.”
When Nikki was in bed with the covers tucked under her chin, Helen
sat on the bed beside her and stroked her hair until her even breathing told
her she was asleep. With a final concerned look back at the sleeping woman she
left the room and quietly closed the door behind her.
“How is she?” Barbara asked as Helen entered the living room.
“She’s sleeping at the moment.” Helen sat down opposite Barbara
and her son scrambled onto her knee. She kissed the top of his head lovingly.
“Do you think we ought to call a doctor? Maybe he could give her a sedative.”
“A sedative would only dull the pain. She’s got to work through
her grief and only time will do that.”
“Well, let’s see how the weekend goes and it’s half-term next week
so if you need any help with her, call me.”
Barbara stiffened as she heard the noise, almost like a soul in
torment. Nikki! She flung back the covers and hurried to Nikki’s bedroom. Helen
had beaten her to it, she was already there cradling a weeping Nikki in her
arms. “Helen, I’m sorry,” Barbara whispered.
“It doesn’t matter, Barbara. You go back to bed. I’ll stay with
her.” Helen lay with Nikki until she was once more sleeping soundly. She
quietly closed the bedroom door and went into the living room where she found
Barbara sitting on the settee nursing a brandy. “Mind if I join you?”
“Help yourself,” Barbara answered wearily. “You know, this takes
me back to when I was in Larkhall.”
“You mean you drank brandy in the middle of the night whilst you
were in Larkhall,” Helen laughed as she poured herself a drink then she sat
down opposite Barbara.
Barbara joined in her laughter. “No, Nikki keeping me awake half
the night. Usually when the two of you had been arguing.”
“I’m sorry, you must have had a few sleepless nights towards the
end,” Helen said apologetically.
“Helen, I have never pried into your relationship with Nikki but
why did you leave Larkhall? Was it because you didn’t want to be with her?”
“I’m surprised she didn’t tell you.”
“She did but you threw up a good job so I thought there must be a
deeper reason.”
Helen looked at her in surprise. “Barbara, I didn’t throw up a
good job, I was sacked. The Home Office received a letter telling them about my
relationship with Nikki and I had to resign. Didn’t she tell you?”
“Sacked!” Barbara repeated incredulously. “She didn’t tell me, Helen,
because I don’t think she knew.”
“I couldn’t tell Nikki myself because they wouldn’t let me go back
so I asked Dominic to tell her I loved her and would try and get to see her
somehow.”
“That wasn’t the message she got. He said you were sick of all the
arguments and you didn’t want anything more to do with her.”
“The bastard!” Helen said under her breath. She took a mouthful of
brandy and grimaced as it hit the back of her throat. “So, do I take it Nikki
never said she didn’t care about me or my job.”
Barbara smiled. “Oh, she probably said it more than once but she
didn’t mean it and I can assure you she didn’t say it to McAllister. Nikki
loved you totally, Helen, even after she thought you had deserted her.”
“And I loved Nikki totally. Not that she ever believed that,”
Helen said sadly. “I was only hanging onto my job until she was freed then I
would have packed it up and we could have gone away together but by the time
she was released, I was pregnant and she had Claire.”
“Nikki and Claire didn’t get together until after she was
released, she was so devastated when you said you had found someone else.”
“I had to tell her that. I knew Claire was in love with her and I
thought she would be better for Nikki than I was.” She took another gulp of
brandy. “Dominic called me some terrible names when I told him I was pregnant
and I couldn’t bear for Nikki to think about me like that.”
“What about Nicholas’s father?”
“I…er…I,” Helen stammered.
“Helen, I’m sorry. It’s nothing to do with me,” Barbara put in
quickly.
“Well, they do say confession is good for the soul,” Helen smiled.
“As far as I was concerned Nikki was the love of my life and she rejected me. I
even made a pass at Dominic and he rejected me. I was stupid. I got drunk and had
a one-night stand. When I found out I was pregnant I decided to keep the baby.
Abortion wasn’t an option I considered and selfishly I needed someone to love.”
She glanced at Barbara who was watching her sympathetically then looked down at
her glass. “Do you think I wanted Nikki to see me for what I was…a drunken slut
who got herself pregnant!”
Barbara heart went out to her. “Don’t beat yourself up about it so
much, Helen. Nicholas couldn’t wish for a better mother and that day in the
hospital, even I could see Nikki still loved you.”
“And I still loved her but I saw the look in her eyes when she
first saw me then Claire came and they looked so right together.”
“The short time they had together, Helen, they were happy. I would
be lying if I said they weren’t.”
“I’m glad,” Helen said sincerely. “Nikki has so much love to give
and Claire was a lovely person.”
“Yes, she was,” Barbara agreed. “But maybe Nikki had so much love
to give, it was more than one person could handle.”
“What do you mean?” Helen frowned.
“Maybe Claire just borrowed Nikki for a little while.”
“If you’ll forgive me for being blunt, you do talk some crap, Mrs
Hunt!” Helen laughed.
“And am I also talking crap when I say, you’re still in love with
her, aren’t you, Helen?”
“Yes, I am,” she admitted. “But whilst I would gladly have given
up my life for her before, I won’t give up my son for anyone!”
It was midday before Nikki woke. Christ! I feel like shit, she
thought as she swung her legs out of bed and found she was still wearing the
jogging bottoms and T-shirt she had donned…whenever. Her head was a jumble of
disjointed images. There was a kid then there was Helen. Just when she needed
her most, Helen was there or at least she thought she was. She didn’t know what
day it was let alone anything else. Then she thought about Claire and her eyes
instantly filled with tears. She put her hands up to her face momentarily
giving way to her grief then brushed away the tears with the back of her hand,
angry with herself for being so weak but she felt weak, physically weak. She
remembered sitting down to a meal Barbara had cooked and pushing the food round
the plate but she couldn’t remember when or what day it was.
She padded to the bathroom where she cleaned her teeth and
showered, letting the hot water spill over her like thousands of soothing
caresses. Wrapping a bath towel around her, she went back into the bedroom
where she dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt. After running a comb through
her still damp hair she walked bare-foot into the kitchen to find Barbara
sitting alone at the table. She looked up as Nikki entered.
“You’re looking a lot better,” she said kindly.
“I feel it, thanks,” she said with a wan smile. She went and stood
behind the older woman and placed her hands on her shoulders. “Barbara, I’ve
been a real bitch to you these past few weeks and I’m sorry.”
Barbara reached up and patted one of Nikki’s hands. “It doesn’t
matter, Nikki. I’m always here for you, I know how much you’re hurting.”
She went around the table and sat opposite Barbara. “Was Helen
here or did I dream it?”
Barbara looked at her guiltily. “Yes, she was. I’m sorry, Nikki, I
didn’t know what to do. I was afraid you were going to make yourself ill, so I
asked her to come down. I didn’t know who else to call.”
“And the little boy?”
“Helen’s son, Nicholas.”
“Where is she now?”
“She went back home. She had some work to do before school
tomorrow.”
“School?” Nikki echoed.
“She’s a teacher.”
“You seem to know a lot about her,” Nikki commented.
“We’ve become good friends,” Barbara admitted reluctantly. “After
she had been to see me in hospital she kept in touch. She wrote to me whilst I
was still in Larkhall and since I’ve been released she’s been to visit me.”
“It’s a pity she had to leave. I would have liked to thank her for
everything. If you have her address I’ll drop her a line.”
“She still lives at the same address, Nikki. She decided not to
move after all,” Barbara said cagily.
The doorbell rang and Helen looked up from her book in surprise.
Who on earth could that be, she thought? She went and opened the front door.
“Nikki!”
“Hello, Helen. I’m sorry to call unannounced.”
Helen smiled remembering the night Nikki had escaped from
Larkhall. That call had also been unannounced. “If I remember rightly, you have
a habit of doing that to me, Nikki Wade.”
“What? Oh, right,” Nikki nodded as she too remembered.
“Do you want to come in? There’s no one else here. Just me and
Nicky.”
Nikki shook her head. “I’ve just come back from Barbara’s and I
wanted to thank you for what you did last week.” She turned away and started to
go back down the steps, then she turned back again. “Your son. Did you name him
after me?”
Helen looked at her for a long while then she nodded.
Nikki smiled absently then walked off into the night.
As the months passed, Nikki found solace in work. She moved back
to Trish’s. Half the house still belonged to her anyway and Claire had willed
her house to her sister. She still grieved for Claire. Still wept silently in
the privacy of her own room but gradually the pain lessened until she could
think about her memories of Claire with a smile instead of a tear. Denny, who
was now head doorman, seemed to have appointed herself as Nikki’s number one
cheerer-upper, to use her own words, and they used to spend hours regaling each
other with stories about Larkhall.
“Call me if you need me, Denny. I’m going over to the restaurant.
Chef is throwing a wobbly,” Nikki informed her as she went out of the club. It
was a Saturday night and the place was crowded, noisy and hot and the last
thing she needed right now was a bloody prima donna threatening to quit because
someone had upset him. She wished Trish was here, she usually dealt with the
restaurant side of things but it was her night off.
Outside the restaurant Nikki took a deep breath and went inside.
Mel, one of the waitresses came up to her as she entered. “What’s wrong with
him now?” Nikki demanded.
“He’s had a go at Cheryl and she’s flounced off so we’re a
waitress short,” Mel informed her.
“Anything I can do?” Nikki offered. “Preferably not in the kitchen
or I’m likely to sack the pain in the arse.”
“Thanks, Nikki,” Mel said gratefully. “If you can sort me out
these drinks, that will be a big help.” She handed Nikki her pad.
Nikki busied herself with the drink orders until a red-eyed Cheryl
reappeared. “Are you ok?” She looked at her in concern.
“I’m fine, Nikki, thanks.” Cheryl forced a smile. “I’ll take over
now.”
“Any problems and I’ll come back.” She came from behind the bar
and looked around the restaurant. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw a
familiar figure sitting at one of the tables. Helen! She took a deep breath as a wave of desire invaded her body. Out
of curiosity she turned her attention to Helen’s dinner companion and was
surprised to see it was a woman…a very lovely and much younger woman. She
looked back at Helen just as she turned her head and saw her. Shock momentarily
masked her face and then she smiled. She excused herself from the table and
came over. Nikki had never seen her looking so gorgeous but then she’d never
worn a black sleeveless dress with a plunging neckline at Larkhall.
“Hello. This is a nice surprise,” she said huskily.
“Hi.” Nikki smiled nervously. “It’s good to see you. You look
stunning.”
Helen flushed with pleasure. “Thanks. You’re looking well, better
than when I last saw you. Will you join us for a drink?”
“Sorry, I’m supposed to be working. Anyway I don’t want to
interrupt.”
“Please,” Helen smiled at her disarmingly. “Just spare five
minutes. I want you to meet my sister.”
“Your sister!” Nikki exclaimed in surprise and relief. “You mean
I’ve got two beautiful Stewart ladies in my restaurant tonight.” She looked
down at Helen’s left hand. “If it is still ‘Stewart’, that is.”
“It is,” Helen said softly.
“So, he didn’t make an honest woman of you then?” she said
bitterly. “Where is he tonight? Babysitting?” She saw the pain in Helen’s eyes
and immediately regretted her words. “I’m sorry, Helen. I should have my tongue
cut out. You don’t deserve to be treated like that, not after what you did for
me. I’ve never thanked you properly for saving my sanity. Forgive me?”
“Maybe we’ve both done and said things we should be asking
forgiveness for.” She smiled suddenly. “And for your information, my parents
are babysitting. Now, do you want to meet my sister, or not?”
“If she’s as beautiful as you are, lead on MacDuff,” she said as
she followed Helen back to her table.
“Nikki, this is my sister, Anna. This is Nikki Wade, a…” She
stopped and looked up at Nikki who smiled at her reassuringly. “A friend.”
Nikki supplied.
“Helen tells me you own the restaurant,” Anna looked at her with
interest.
“I’m only part owner,” Nikki corrected her. “I have a partner.”
“So, where did you and Helen meet?” Anna demanded.
Nikki caught Helen’s eye and raised her eyebrows questioningly.
Helen nodded. “I first met your sister when she was a Wing-Governor at HMP
Larkhall and I was an inmate.”
“You mean you were a prisoner?” Anna exclaimed and Nikki nodded.
“Why? What had you done?” Anna continued.
“Anna, I think you’re getting a little bit personal now,” Helen
reprimanded her. “Nikki’s past is behind her.”
Not wishing to embarrass Helen any further Nikki decided to excuse
herself. “Look, I’ve got to get back to the club. Why don’t you drop in after
your meal and have a drink with me?” She took a business card from her jacket
pocket and wrote on the back of it then handed it to Helen. “That’s your
calling card whenever you want to see me. Show it to the doormen and they’ll
let you straight in. By the way, Helen, you’re in for a surprise when you get
to the club.”
“What’s that?” Helen asked suspiciously.
“Wait and see,” Nikki teased. “I’ll see you later.” With a last
lingering look at Helen she went back to the bar and spoke to Mel. “Table 8,
when they ask for their bill, tell them it’s been taken care of and then let me
have it.”
As Helen sat back down, Anna grabbed Nikki’s card from her and
read what she had written, “V.I.Lady…N Wade. So, Helen, what had Nikki done to
put her behind bars?” Anna demanded.
Helen knew she would get no peace until she told her. “She
accidently killed a man who was trying to rape her girlfriend. She served part
of her sentence then she successfully appealed and was released.”
“Her girlfriend!” Anna exclaimed.
“Don’t look so shocked, Anna.”
“I’m not shocked, Sis. I’m starting to see you in a whole new light,
that’s all.”
Helen breathed a sigh of relief as the waitress brought their meal
and distracted Anna. She picked up Nikki’s business card. Was that really how
Nikki saw her? Very important lady!
After the meal Helen and Anna made their way across to the club.
Helen was embarrassed Nikki hadn’t let them pay and intended to seek her out.
There was a long queue outside the club and Anna nudged Helen. “Nikki said to
go to the front of the queue, so come on.”
Helen blinked in surprise at the doorman…Denny Blood, resplendent
in a black suit, crisp white shirt and black bow tie.
“Hiya, Miss Stewart,” Denny greeted her warmly.
“Denny! So, you’re the surprise Nikki was talking about. How are
you?”
“Great, miss, thanks.” She waved them in with a flourish.
“See you later, Denny.”
As they went into the club, Anna looked at her in surprise. “Who
was that? Don’t tell me, another Larkhall inmate. You’re a dark horse, Helen.”
Helen laughed. “You’d be surprised, Anna. Now, go and get the
drinks whilst I try and find Nikki.”
Helen knocked on the door marked ‘Private’ and waited until she
heard Nikki call, “Come in.” Then she opened the door.
“Helen,” Nikki’s face lit up when she saw her. She stood up and
came round the desk where she had been working on the accounts.
“I saw Denny on the door. She’s looking well.”
“She’s the head doorman now. Quite an asset really. She can sniff
out drugs better than any dog can.”
“Maybe I should have used her in Larkhall to deal with the drugs
problem,” Helen laughed.
“Helen, Denny was part of the drugs problem in Larkhall,” Nikki
answered cynically. “ Anyway, enough about Denny. Did you enjoy your meal?”
“It was lovely, thank you but I would like to pay for it.”
Nikki shook her head. “Where’s your sister?”
“Chatting up your barman.”
“Would you like a drink?”
“No, thanks. I’ve got one waiting for me. Please, Nikki. I really
do want to pay for the meal,” Helen insisted.
“Helen, forget it. I once promised to show you a good time when I
got out of Larkhall remember. Call it a down payment.”
“I’m surprised you
remember,” Helen snapped before she could stop herself.
“I remember everything about you, Helen.” She started to advance
towards her and Helen turned away abruptly.
“I’ve got to go, Nikki.”
Nikki smiled. How often had she heard that one?
Helen’s hand reached out for the door handle just as Nikki came up
behind her. She placed her hands on Helen’s waist and drew her back against
her. Helen stiffened as she felt Nikki’s full breasts pressing into her back.
“I remember everything about you,” Nikki repeated nuzzling Helen’s
neck. She slid her hand down the front of Helen’s dress and cupped her breast,
caressing the soft skin with her thumb. Her breathing quickened as she felt the
nipple harden against the palm of her hand and her voice was barely a whisper
as she spoke against Helen’s ear. “Your soft skin under my hands, the smell and
taste of you when we made love, the way you cried out my name as you…”
“Don’t, Nikki!” Helen exclaimed.
“Don’t what? Don’t touch you or don’t remind you?”
“Either! Both!”
Nikki reluctantly removed her hand and turned Helen round to face
her. The desire in her eyes was unmistakable as she pulled Helen towards her
and sought her mouth. Helen slid her arms around Nikk’s neck but as their
kisses became more urgent she pushed her away with an anguished cry, “No,
Nikki.”
“You still can’t cope with it all, can you, Helen?” Nikki’s voice
echoed down the corridor after Helen’s fleeing back. She ran her hands through
her hair in frustration then closed the door with a resounding slam.
Outside her flat, Helen paid the mini-cab driver and watched as he
drove away. She smiled at Anna who had been surprisingly silent on the way
home. “Helen,” Anna began hesitantly. “I saw you tonight at the club. You came
out of that door like a bat out of hell.”
Helen looked at her in surprise. “So?”
“I got it wrong when I said you were daydreaming about a handsome
prison officer, didn’t I?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Helen flushed under Anna’s searching
gaze.
“You were daydreaming about an inmate…Nikki Wade…weren’t you? I’m
not stupid, I saw the way you looked at each other.”
Helen opened her mouth to deny it then nodded. “Anna, I beg you.
Please, don’t tell Mum and Dad.”
“Hey, Sis, I’m not going to tell them but your street cred has
gone up leaps and bounds in my book.” She linked her arm in Helen’s. “You’re
still my sister and I still love you. If she makes you happy, go for it!”
Nikki kept her finger insistently on the doorbell. “Alright, I’m
coming!” Called an impatient voice from within. As the door was unlocked and
opened, she removed her finger from the doorbell.
“Nikki! What the hell are you playing at?” Barbara exclaimed
angrily. “Do you know it’s after midnight?”
“No, but you start singing and I’ll join in with the chorus,” she
grinned.
“This is not a laughing matter. I’m very angry with you!” Barbara
blustered. “Now, are you coming in or are you going to stand there all night
grinning like an imbecile?”
“I’ll come in and grin like an imbecile.” She brushed past Barbara
and went into the living room.
“So, what was so urgent you had to wake me up in the middle of the
night?” Barbara demanded as she came up behind her.
“Barbara, I saw Helen tonight. God! You should have seen her,
she’s never looked so beautiful,” Nikki gushed.
Barbara’s heart sank as she listened to her friend. How often in
Larkhall had she seen Nikki’s euphoria turn to tears? “Oh, Nikki, will you
never learn? Why don’t you just let Helen get on with her life in peace?”
“Because I’m in love with her and deep down I know she still cares
about me but there’s something holding her back and you’re going to tell me
what it is.” She looked at Barbara menacingly.
“I don’t think so, Nikki. If you want to know anything about Helen
you go and ask her because I will not
betray a friend’s confidence.”
“You’re supposed to be my friend!” Nikki exclaimed.
“Then stop acting like a spoiled brat who has had her favourite
toy taken away!” Barbara snapped. “Helen chose to end it with you all those
years ago so she must have had a damned good reason but she is going to have to
tell you herself.”
“No, you’re going to tell me because I am not moving from here
until you do.” Nikki folded her arms stubbornly. “I want to know who Nicky’s
father was...is.”
“Then ask Helen.”
“Was it McAllister?”
“No, of course not!”
“Then who was it? Barbara, so help me, I’ll make you stand there
all night if necessary. Now tell me who it was!” Nikki’s voice rose angrily.
“Who the hell do you think you are? This is my house and you’ll
kindly remember that,” Barbara snapped, her patience wearing thin.
“I’m sorry, Barbara,” Nikki said more calmly. “But I have wasted
almost three years of my life…”
“So, your time with Claire was wasted was it?” Barbara said
hurtfully.
Nikki flushed as the barb hit home. “No, it wasn’t,” she replied
quietly. “I loved Claire as much as I was able to love anyone other than
Helen.”
“I know you did, Nikki. I’m sorry, it wasn’t a very nice thing to
say. Look, sit down and I’ll tell you as much as I can without breaking Helen’s
confidence.”
Nikki listened in silence until Barbara had finished. “McAllister
kept us apart! And to think I once liked the bastard!” she exclaimed angrily.
“So, she hasn’t been living with anyone at all?” Barbara shook her head. “I
suppose I should hate her for lying to me but I guess all the time I’ve known
her she’s only ever had my best interests at heart. I was just too stupid to
realise it.”
“You’ve got to realise one other thing, Nikki. Helen has always
come complete with baggage. First it was her job and now it’s Nicholas, so if
you really can’t handle being second in her life, if you can’t accept that the
child will always come first then walk away now because you’ll only get hurt!”