BARRIER OF DOUBT

 

 

Chapter 13

 

 

Nikki was sitting on the settee, her feet on the coffee table, nursing a bottle of lager when Trish and Mandie came home in the early hours of the morning.

 

“What have you been up to tonight then, Nik?” Trish asked as she dropped down beside her

 

“I had dinner at Helen’s,” Nikki informed her with a grin.

 

“Do you want a cuppa, Trish?” Mandie asked on her way to the kitchen.

 

Trish stretched wearily and kicked off her shoes. “Please, love.”  She turned her attention back to Nikki. “You’re seeing a lot of Helen, aren’t you?”

 

“Not as much as I’d like to see,” she said with a leer.

 

“Is it serious then?”

 

Nikki nodded. “But all one-sided, I’m afraid. What Helen felt for me – if anything – was over a long time ago,” she said regretfully.

 

Trish touched Nikki’s arm sympathetically. She still cared very much for this woman she had shared her life with for so long and didn’t like to see her hurting. “Don’t you think you might be better off cutting your losses now? Supposing Helen finds herself another man, he’s not going to want you hanging around her, is he?”

 

Nikki laughed bitterly. Trust Trish to give her a cold, sharp shock of reality. “I guess I’ll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. Anyway, there’s Nicholas. I love him and I’m not prepared to give him up just yet.”

 

“I can’t believe you have become so attached to that kid, Nikki,” Trish said in astonishment. “You never wanted kids when we were together.”

 

“Well, you didn’t either,” Nikki countered.

 

“No, I guess I didn’t,” Trish agreed. “The funny thing is, Mandie and me, we’ve been talking about having a baby of our own,” she said almost shyly. “What do you think, Nikki? Do you think we’d make good parents?”

 

“You mean you, giving birth?” Nikki demanded in surprise.

 

“No, idiot!” Trish exclaimed. “Mandie.”

 

“Did someone mention my name?” Mandie asked as she came into the room carrying a tray laden with mugs of tea and ham sandwiches. “Feet, Nikki.”

 

Nikki swung her feet from the coffee table and as Mandie deposited the tray, swooped on the plate of sandwiches. “Trish was just telling me about your baby plans.”

 

“What do you think then, Nikki?” Mandie asked as she sat down in the armchair opposite her. Trish stood up and went and sat on the chair arm. She slid a possessive arm around Mandie’s shoulders and pulled her against her hip.

 

“Yeah, I think it’s great. If it’s what you both want,” Nikki replied as she helped herself to another sandwich.

 

Trish and Mandie looked at each other lovingly. “It is,” Trish said softly.

 

Nikki purloined another sandwich. “Well, don’t forget me when you want a godmother.”

 

“You’ll be our first choice,” Mandie told her affectionately. She stretched wearily than ran her hand down Trish’s thigh. “I’m going to bed, sweetheart.” She picked up her drink and what was left of the sandwiches. “And I’m taking these with me before gutsy here eats them all.”

 

“Just one more sandwich, Mand,” Nikki begged.

 

“No,” she said trying to sound stern. “Make your own if you want another one. Don’t be too long, Trish. ‘Night, Nikki.”

 

“Be up in a minute, Babe.”

 

“Yeah, ‘night, Mandie.” Nikki smiled as she watched her go. “It is what you want, isn’t it, Trish? A baby, I mean,” she asked seriously when they were alone.

 

“You mean, am I just doing it because Mandie wants to?” Nikki nodded and Trish continued. “Believe it or not I want it too. Look, Nik, what you and I had was really special. It had to be or we wouldn’t have lasted so long but Mandie and me, we’re…” she hesitated as if searching for the right words.

 

“Soulmates?” Nikki supplied. She laughed as Trish looked at her with a frown. “The one person you’ve waited all your life for. The one person who’s tuned to your channel.”

 

“Since you put it like that, yeah you’re right,” Trish laughed then she suddenly became serious. “Sorry, Nik, I don’t want you to think I’m trivialising our relationship. I really did love you.”

 

“I know, Trish. I loved you as well but as far as I’m concerned Helen is my soulmate and I’ll never love anyone as much, or in the way, I love her.” She looked at Trish dejectedly. “Unfortunately, she doesn’t feel the same way.”

 

“Well, all I can say is, it’s Helen Stewart’s loss.”

 

“Try convincing her of that!”

 

 

Nikki arrived at Helen’s on the dot of eight. Helen, wearing a red silk shirt and a pair of black trousers, was waiting for her at the door.

 

She bounded up the steps, a smile on her face. “Helen you look…WOW!”

 

Helen flushed with pleasure under her admiring gaze. “You don’t look so bad yourself.” She had never known anyone as modest about their looks as Nikki and she looked stunning in the light grey trouser suit and black shirt. “Come in and meet my mum and dad but don’t make too much noise. If his lordship knows you’re here we’ll never escape without him.” 

 

“Just don’t leave me alone with them,” Nikki hissed as she entered the house.

 

Helen looked at her in surprise. “Who? Mum and dad?” Nikki nodded. “Don’t be daft,” she said affectionately then looked at her closely. “You’re really nervous, aren’t you?”

 

“Crapping myself!” Nikki replied bluntly.

 

“Come on, you’ll be OK, I’m with you.” As she led the way into the living room she could hear Nikki nervously clearing her throat behind her. “Mum…Dad…this is Nikki, a friend of mine.”

 

When they left the house five minutes later, Nikki breathed a sigh of relief.

 

“Not so bad, was it?” Helen said as she closed the front door.

 

“Yeah, they were great but I wonder if your dad would have been so pleasant if he knew I’d slept with his daughter,” Nikki replied with a grimace.

 

Helen started to walk down the steps. “Well, console yourself with the knowledge we didn’t actually do any sleeping,” she flung over her shoulder.

 

“No, we didn’t, did we?” Nikki laughed dirtily as she hurried down the steps to join her.

    

“So, where are we going?” Helen asked as they were driving along.

 

“Well, we can go to a country pub or somewhere a bit more upmarket,” Nikki suggested, keeping her eyes on the road. “It’s up to you.”

 

“Country pub it is then,” Helen decided.

 

“That’s what I hoped you’d say but I’ll have to make a detour to the club first. I’ve left my money in the office.”

 

“Let me pay for a change,” Helen offered.

 

“No, way!” Nikki exclaimed. “I asked you out. It won’t take long.”

 

“Nikki, please…”

 

“No, Helen,” came the stubborn reply.

 

“Have it your own way,” Helen said resignedly.

 

“Will you come in with me?” Nikki asked as she pulled into her reserved parking space outside the club. Helen nodded.

 

“Alright, Nikki. Alright, Miss Stewart,” Denny greeted them cheerfully at the door.

 

“Denny, you can call me ‘Helen’,” she told her warmly.

 

“Right. Thanks, miss,” Denny beamed.

 

Nikki smirked and raised her eyebrows at the exchange. “Would you like a drink?” she asked as they went into the club.

 

Helen shook her head. “No, thanks. I’ll save myself for later.”

 

“Nik, what are you doing here?” Trish asked in surprise as she came up to them. “I thought it was your night off.”

 

“Helen, this is Trish. Trish…Helen.” Nikki introduced them. “I’ve left my money in the office. Look after Helen for me whilst I go and get it.” She touched Helen gently on the arm. “Won’t be a minute.”

 

“It’s good to see Nik looking so happy,” Trish told Helen with a smile as they watched the tall woman walk away.

 

“Yes it is,” Helen agreed.

 

The stood in an embarrassed silence for a few moments before Trish spoke hesitantly. “Helen, I know it’s nothing to do with me but you’re the reason for Nikki’s happiness, you and your son. She loves you both very much but I beg you, if you can’t give her what she wants, and I think you know what I mean, end it with her now because I can’t bear to see her hurting again.”

 

Helen looked at Trish in surprise. This, coming from the woman who had herself broken Nikki’s heart when she was in Larkhall. “You don’t have to worry, Trish. I won’t hurt Nikki, I’m in love with her.”

 

At that moment Trish looked away as someone called to her. She turned back to Helen. “Sorry what did you say?”

 

“I said, you don’t have to worry. I won’t hurt her,” Helen repeated but Nikki came back so she didn’t finish the sentence.

 

“What are you two talking about?”

 

“Only you,” Helen told her with a teasing smile. “Nothing important.”

 

“That’s alright then. Come on, let’s go. See you later, Trish.” She took Helen’s arm and steered her out of the club.

 

“She’s lovely. Trish, I mean,” Helen said as they walked back to the car.

 

“Yeah, she’s OK,” Nikki gave a non-committal reply.

 

“You must have thought she was more than OK once,” Helen persisted.  

 

“Yeah, I did but that was a long time ago,” Nikki shrugged. “She’s not my type anymore.”

 

“And what is…?” Helen began but Nikki stopped dead and looked at her sternly. She held up her hands in submission. “OK, I’m sorry. I was just being nosy.”

 

“Well, two can play at that game,” Nikki muttered. “So, Helen, since Nicky’s father, has there been anyone else.” She saw a look of pain cross Helen’s face and instantly regretted her words. “Helen, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise it still hurt you so much. Maybe we should stop there and talk about something else."

 

“Maybe I should just go home,” Helen replied dismally.   

 

“Please, don’t, Helen” Nikki begged. “Look, I promise I’ll stick to safe subjects…football, gardening, the weather.”

 

“Alright, on one condition,” Helen relented. Nikki looked at her suspiciously as she continued. “You don’t talk about football or gardening.”

 

“That’s two conditions,” Nikki grinned then howled with pain as Helen punched her on the arm.

 

    

Outside Helen’s flat, Nikki switched off the engine and turned to Helen. “Thank you for a wonderful evening.”

 

“I should be the one thanking you,” Helen said softly. She turned to Nikki and their eyes met.

 

Nikki reached out and laid her hand against Helen’s cheek. “You are so beautiful,” she said softly then leaned forward and pressed her mouth against Helen's. She drew back, a lecherous glint in her eye. “Do you fancy getting in the back seat?”

 

Helen looked at her aghast. “No! No!” she exclaimed as she unfastened her seat belt and fled from the car leaving the passenger door open.

 

“Shit! Wade, why don’t you just keep your big gob shut?” Nikki chastised herself angrily. She reached across and slammed the door then switched on the engine and roared off down the street.

 

 

At breakfast the following morning, Nikki downed her second cup of coffee as Trish came into the kitchen. “’Mornin’, Trish. You’re up early,” Nikki commented.

 

“I couldn’t sleep,” Trish mumbled. She made herself a black coffee and sat down at the table. “How did your date with Helen go?”

 

“What do you think?” Nikki snapped. “I don’t know why I bother with her.”

 

“Because you love her, you fool,” Trish observed wryly. “What’s happened now?”

 

“We were getting along great, surely you could see that then I took her home and she just flipped.”

 

“Well, something must have upset her. What did you say to her?”

 

“Oh, yeah! I knew it would be my fault!” Nikki exclaimed. Trish gave her a knowing look. “Alright. We kissed and then I suggested getting in the back seat. It was a joke for Christ’s sake but anyone would think I was going to rape her the way she ran off.” She saw Trish bite her lip. “Sorry, did I bring back bad memories?”

 

“It’s not that, Nik.” She turned to Nikki a guilty look on her face. “Nikki, don’t get mad, but I had a word with Helen.”

 

“You what?”

 

“Nikki, after Claire died I never thought I would see you happy again so I’m pleased that you’ve got a second chance with Helen but if she can’t give you what you want, and it’s obvious that she feels she can’t, you’re going to get hurt.”

 

“If there weren’t so many interfering bastards in our lives,” Nikki yelled jumping to her feet. “Helen and I would have been together years ago but if I can only ever have with her what I’ve got at this moment then that’s enough for me. I love her and Nicky more than my life.”

 

“But you deserve to be loved in return.”

 

“How the hell do you know what I deserve?” Nikki demanded. “But yes, you’re right, I do want Helen to love me and I do want a physical relationship with her. I want her so much I sometimes think I’m going to explode but she doesn’t want me that way.”

 

“Then find someone who does.”

 

“You just don’t get it, do you, Trish? I don’t want anyone else.” She had told Helen her hormones were under control but they weren’t. They were raging, even more than they had been at Larkhall. She wanted Helen Stewart in her life and even more so in her bed!

 

 

Over the next few days she lost count of the number of times she started to dial Helen’s number then hung up. Maybe it would be best if she severed all ties with Helen. Apart from anything else, she was getting too attached to Nicky. She had never felt this way about a kid before and it wasn’t just because he was Helen’s. She wanted to care for him and protect him and spoil him.

 

“You and Miss Stewart an item then, Nikki?” Denny demanded as she leaned over the bar watching Nikki bottling-up.

 

“Why don’t you mind your own business and get your arse round here and help me?” Nikki snapped then relented when she saw the hurt look on Denny’s face. “Sorry, Denny. Bit of a sore point at the moment. I don’t know what me and Helen are. Best of enemies, I think best describes it.”

 

“Me and Shaz always thought you two belonged together,” Denny grinned. “We saw the looks you used to give each other,” she teased.

 

“If only,” Nikki muttered. Her mobile phone rang and she reached into her jacket pocket. “Yeah, Nikki Wade,” she said absently.

 

“Miss Wade, this is Angus Stewart, Helen’s father,” a gruff Scottish voice spoke in her ear.

 

Nikki grimaced. “What can I do for you, Mr Stewart?” There was silence at the other end of the line. “Mr Stewart?”

 

“Sorry, Miss Wade. Helen asked me to call you…”

 

Fear clutched at Nikki’s heart as his voice broke. “What the hell is wrong, Mr Stewart?” she demanded.

 

“It’s my grandson. He’s been abducted!”

    

 

On to Chapter 14

 

Back to Home Page

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1