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"Oh Kitten, my Kitten", I said that 100 times a day. Where's my baby? Where's mother's love? I looked for you all the time. Everything I did, you were a part of... how will it affect my Kitten? I needed to see where you were... that you were ok, all the time, throughout the day. Then I was ok. You were my center, my heart, my soul mate, and my love. You completed me. You were what I loved... and what loved me most. I clung to you, and needed to see you and be near you all the time or I felt so lost and such angst. I think I loved and lived for you... and you were worth every second of every day and everything I ever had to do, or did, or had to give up to keep you safe and happy. The number one rule in this house was "Don't upset the Baby". It was all about you, and all for you. The world revolved around you, and it should have. You were so worth it. You were such a blessing. You were a complete and total joy. If I had to sum you up in one word, that would be it, JOY. You were a light in my heart, in my life, in this house. You made everything, and every heartache, bearable by just being here, and being you. I always said, "I can take anything as long as I have my Baby". But this, this is unthinkable, unimaginable, unbearable. This is a void. This is darkness. This is emptiness that I cannot bear. I don't know how to go on without you, without your light, your beauty, your presence, the perfection that is, was, and always will be you... my angel, my foo-foo kitty, my heart, my love. I am lost and so alone without you. Most of this world will not get this. They can't comprehend the depth of a love so deep and complete, for a cat... "just a cat", for they are incapable of feeling a love this deep. It makes me feel odd, and different, and so alone. That's part of why I love you so much. I am different. I am alone... I wasn't though with you. You got me. You understood me. I could feel that by just the look in those clear, bright, beautiful golden eyes. We connected like no two people can. I saw into your heart and soul, and you into mine. I loved you, and will always love you with my whole heart... the heart that you took with you... the heart that is broken... the heart that wants to feel love, your love, again... and never will. It lives inside me, but I need to see it and feel it and hold you in my arms. I ache for you Kitten. I long to see you, feel you, and be with you. You are the love of my life both times. Come back to me Kitten...
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That foofy tail,
That gorgeous mane,
With eyes so bright
They'd stop this pain.
Your little beak,
Your foofy feet,
Your soft belly,
Where can they be?
That light that shone,
So deep and true...
Where can it be?
Where are you??
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I want to make this go away
I do not want to write
To live in this denial
Inside of me I fight.
With what I'm being forced to face
But do not want to feel
So I cannot write
For this cannot be real.
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The loss of your sweet face
Cannot be replaced.
And I no longer see
A light inside of me.
Mere words cannot describe
The pain I feel inside
A loss that cuts so deep
An ache that will not cease.
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But I cannot find
The words to describe
The loss and the ache
I feel inside.
I can't do you justice
For it is so true
Nothing I can write.
Is good enough for you.
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Your presence and your spirit
Such a sweet and lovely boy
Everything about you
Brought us so much joy.
You were my heart and soul
A beacon in the night.
Just looking at you made
Everything all right.
Why did God have to take
You away from me?
I'm alone now in this darkness...
without my Sweet Baby.
Nothing in my life
Meant more to me than you
A foofy orange cat
That made my dreams come true.
I lived without you years before
When Kiki went away.
Then 5 long years later
He sent you to stay.
Now I'm without you once again
In this dark and lonely home.
How can I survive?
And face this world alone?
The sound was not that of a kitten, but the squeaky little "eeeeek!" I was hearing was definitely coming from the little orange ball of fur in front of me. Diane and I had prepared the back yard for this occasion - we had made sure there were no escape routes under the fence, no way under the gates. The mama cat had been bringing her kitten to our back yard for some days, and we knew we had to catch them.I chased the orange kitten around the yard until he got to a small pine tree. He climbed up into it until he was about 5 feet in the air. He got scared there, and seemed to freeze. I just reached in and grabbed him. "eeeeek!" It was such a tiny little sound, but it seemed so cute. Who knew that kittens grew on trees?
We took in him and his scared feral mama, and initially kept them isolated in one bedroom so they could get acclimated to the house (and the other cats) gradually. We noticed that on the kitten, some of the hairs were longer than others in his fur. Maybe he was a longhaired cat?? We eventually saw that he indeed was a Maine Coon, totally unlike his short-tailed, short-haired mama.
This little kitten was appropriately named "Sweet Baby", because that's just what he was - a sweet little baby. He was not your typical kitten; he wasn't at all destructive, didn't claw up the furniture or curtains. He was just so sweet and playful. Sweet Baby would try to get up on the bed to be with his mama, but couldn't reach, so we put a box on the floor for him. He loved it! He used to run up and down from it, and when jumping down, he would spread his front legs out to the sides almost as if he thought he was flying. It was the cutest thing!
After a few days, we put a gate in the doorway to their room, so they could see some of the rest of the house. While we were around, we would sometimes raise the gate just high enough off the floor so Sweet Baby could sneak out under it.
Eventually, we took the gate off the doorway; Mama got a bit braver, and explored the doorway. Then Sweet Baby made up a game with her. She'd come out into the hall, and he'd run around and around, as if to say, "My Mama's here! My Mama's here!!!" Then he'd chase her back into the room - "get back in the room! Get back in the room!!!"
In time, Mama lost her feral fears, and became one of our happiest cats; Sweet Baby grew and soon sprouted a full-blown foofy tail. It took him about three years to grow out a full beautiful mane, though.
Sweet Baby became the joy of the house, the bright spot in whatever room he was in. He loved to sleep on the bed, right up against my pillow. He loved to sit near the front door and watch as the birds, squirrels and wind-blown leaves went past. He'd sit on the upper shelf of the cat tree and swat the toys that I'd throw up for him.
On my pillowHe loved to get brushed, and he had a way of getting us to brush him: he knew the brush was on top of my tall dresser, so he'd face it, lean back, balance on his two back feet, and stare up at where the brush was: "brush me please... NOW!!" He could do this 5 times an hour, which can be just a bit annoying if you are busy trying to do anything else at the time. We came to call this his "bush-dog". It was really adorable. I'd give anything to see him do it again.
Doing "Bush-dog"Eventually Sweet Baby developed some serious problems, such as diabetes and IBD, and more recently needed surgery for a liver cyst that had burst, causing a septic peritonitis. Turns out he also had pancreatitis, cholangeohepatitis, and the surgery left him with another major infection requiring some heavy-duty antibiotics. After the liver surgery, Sweet Baby wouldn't eat, and we wound up having to have a feeding tube put in him. It seemed that all these problems were things he should be able to recover from, so we forged ahead, spared no expense, and did anything we could to support him and help his body to heal. Unfortunately, we could never get him to hold down enough food, even with a feeding tube. He became very frail and debilitated, and on February 5th, 2009, we lost him.
Sweet Baby was a joy, a pure and gentle spirit. He was a beautiful cat, a cat I was so proud to own. He was a smile. Sweet Baby lived up to his name in every way, and I'll miss him for the rest of my life.
