I started to cut when I was 11 years old. This behavior continued throughout my adolescence, although it would come in spurts. No one knew that this was happening. I hid it well. And I was a swimmer and a runner, so I wasn't wearing the best "uniforms" to hide cuts.
I started counseling at the end of my sophomore year of college. I was sort of tricked into it by someone who knew I was depressed, even though I wouldn't admit to it. When my grandmother died that semester, he used that as a perfect excuse to get me to go to the counseling center. He actually took me there himself the first day because neither of us though I would actually show up if left to my own devices! (He was probably right because I was so scared.)
That was in the spring of 1997. My counselors job that summer and fall and winter was to keep me alive any way he could. We didn't do heavy therapeutic work, but there were weeks that I saw him every single day, even if it was just over a bagged lunch. He needed to see me and make sure I was okay. Nov. 2, 2002, I attempted for the first time. That is when everything started to fall apart. I was hospitalized five times in less that a year before I would come to the realization that I wanted to stop cutting.
In order for me to stop cutting, I was hospitalized for three months. Immediately after that I did a three month out patient program for self-harm at the hospital. I have to say that I did more work during the three month out-patient program than I did in any semester. It was hard as hell. The therapists were confrontational and expected me to put in the effort required to get better. The therapists were also very supportive, however, and validated me for the steps I took in the right direction. After taking a year off of college, I returned to my senior year a week after finished the out-patient program. I continued to travel to that hospital once a week for skills group and therapy.
If you are going to stop cutting, that is a wonderful and beautiful thing. There are some things that I will suggest.
~Have a supportive therapist. If you are not in treatment, find treatment. If you are resistant to treatment, please make sure that you have a good support system around you. Let them know what you are doing. Let them know your successes, and tell them that you will need some extra support while you tackly this problem. It will not be easy giving up one of your "favorite" coping skills.
~Lose the sharps. Get rid of the favorite razor blade, or the most often used implement. Don't make it easy to reach for a sharp object.
~Surround yourself with comforting things. Take a look at the alternatives list I have here, and pick some things out from it and put them in an easily accessible place. When you are in a stressfull situation, you do not want to have to search for a more effective coping skill, you want it to be right in front of your face.
~Support, support, support!!!! I can not say enough about this. Find the support if it is not already there. You may have to take a risk and reach out. I got a lot of online support when I was recovering from anorexia, and there are online support bulletin boards all over the place. You can remain anonymous, which is an added bonus. You might also want to just look around you in school, or at work, or at the gym. You know the signs. Self-harm is not as uncommon as people would like to think it is. Unfortunately, because of the stigma people have of SI, those of us with scars try and hide it.
~Make sure you are at a time in your life when you can handle stopping. If you are going through an external crisis and do not have the support you need, stopping cutting now may lead you to feel more depressed and hopeless, leading to more suicidal feelings. In the long term, your goal should be to stop the behavior, but you need to be in a safe place to do so.
~This may sound silly: but reward yourself for the days that you go without self-harming behavior. Crayola makes these great markers that write on glass and mirrors and can be washed off. I put a star on my mirror for every day that I do not self-harm when I am going through a rough time. Get a calendar and put stickers on the good days. Don't berate yourself for the days that you fall back into the behavior. It takes time and patience to stop this pattern. It is a learned pattern that you have reinforced over time. It will take time to unlearn it. Don't be afraid to buy yourself a little gift when you reach a certain goal. One of my friends bought me a tigger
Alternative Coping Skills
429
Combatting Ignorance
What self-harm is NOT and what it is
Silverware
doll when I reached 100 days without self-harm for the first time. She had been keeping track on her own and then this tigger doll arrived on my doorstep. The gesture was the important thing, but looking at the doll reminds me that I can do this.
Here is a good place to start looking for things to do besides self-injure
Front page on self-harm
&nmbsp first look at dispelling some common myths
Discusses common misconceptions about self-harm, and what it really is about
just an old random mental musing