Number One Priority: GET YOURSELF IN A SAFE PLACE!

When you have the urge to SI, the last place you need to be is in a kitchen where there are steak knives and the like. Find a safe environment that does not include obvious objects to harm yourself. I am not being naive. I have been in hospitals, and in those "totally safe" environments have found ways to SI. What I am saying here is this: don't make it easy to SI. In the end, what you will need to learn is why you SI. Then you will be able to effectively work on stopping the behavior altogether. That should be your goal.

In the meantime we need ways to cope that prevents us from engaging in SI

I am offering you a list of alternatives to SI. Some may work for you, and some may not. The key thing is this: practice them before you actually need them, so that when you do need them, they will work better. I am dividing this list up into sections, depending on the way you are feeling at the moment you want to SI. But just because something is under one category, don't hesitate to use something from another category, even if you don't feel that particular emotion. The key thing is to find what works for you. It is different for every person. I will try and keep this list updated, as I have several sources I am drawing from. If you have suggestions, go to the about me page and click on the email me link.

Here it goes:

Depressed, Melancholy, Unhappy, Sad, Blue

• do something that makes you feel comforted--for some this is cuddling up with a favorite stuffed animal, for others it is a bubble bath, for others it is calming music.
  
• if you like it, use incense. Lavendar is a very calming scent, as is chamomile.
  
• listen to quiet, calm music. be careful with this one: some quiet and calm music includes lyrics that can be quite depressing. while some people like to match their music with their moods, some do not. know what works for you.
  
• this is a "girlie-thing" I think: use a nice smelling body lotion, the movements over your skin may replace the urge to hurt your skin
  
• get your favorite movie and tuck yourself under a blanket with some popcorn and just relax and be in the movie
  
• visit a friend: this helps with depressive symptoms in general, as it prevents you from isolating.
• Get to know others in general: in the library, at a store, at school. Isolation is not a good thing.

Frustrated, Restless, Angry

• It actually doesn't hurt to do something violent--as long as it is not directed at yourself or anyone or any animal.
• Throw a pillow--multiple times
  
• Hit a punching bag
  
• Flatten aluminum cans for recycling
• Rip up old newspapers or phone books
• Get some silly putty or play dough and through it, smash it, bounce it off walls
• Throw ice into the bathtub or against a brick wall hard enough to shatter it. (No clean up involved for this one!)
• Throw eggs in the bathtub. Yes, eggs. Sometimes we want to see a mess, and raw eggs will do that. It's actually quite fun, and it is rather easy to clean up, just hose everything down the drain then let the water run for a couple of minutes.
• Break sticks.
• Crank up some music and dance. Or stomp to the beat. Scream with the lyrics.
• This one is NOT for me: Clean your room. Or house. (yeah right, is running through my mind, but I have a friend who does this. In fact, she came over one day after cleaning her house and started to clean mine.)
• Go for a walk, run, sprint around the block, rollerblade, ice skating--get some physical activity going in general. This is a good way to relieve tension.
• Honor your anger. Allow yourself the right to feel angry.
• Find a garden and offer to pick weeds. Just make sure you know which are weeds and which are flowers/vegetables.
• Draw a picture of who/what is making you angry and make it all ugly and all that and then you can laugh at that person. It may not be good to do this in school, where the other person can find it. That may cause you more stress.
• Go somewhere where you can scream and yell. My car is the place for me.

Needing a focal point, calming down from a manic state, frazzled

• Mindfullness skills are great in general. Mindfullness is an eastern technique that can be practiced just about any place and any time. What mindfullness entails is doing something with all of your attention on that one thing and that thing only, using all of your senses. You can walk in mindfull fashion, and you will find that it is hard to walk fast if you walk mindfully. In the OP program I went to we did this exercise with snow peas one day. First, we held them in our hands, and concentrated on the texture of the pods, and the part of the vine still attached. Next we did smell. Then sight. Then we did taste. The only option for hearing in this one was when we snapped them open or when we were chewing them. My favorite thing to do is to hold Mr. Bear and write down everything, one sense at a time. Mr. Bear has been to every hospitalization with me, has flown with me, has been just about everywhere. He's a cool guy.
• Do something that makes you focus. Play solitaire. Or a computer game like tetris or something. Crocheting works for me, because I can just focus completely on what my hands are doing, and I figure as long as my hands are busy crocheting, then they aren't doing anything harmful. Color in coloring books. When I was an RA at college, I had a box of coloring books and crayons on my floor lounge. Everyone used them just to de-stress from time to time.
• Make a list of twenty to thirty things that some random object in the room can be used for. (try a thumbtack, and try listing thirty things for that. It's not that easy)
• If you're a computer person, just pick a random subject and start doing some research on it. You may just find yourself lost in the web and not even be aware of when you stopped feeling like wanting to hurt yourself.
• Repetetive reality checking (It's April, 22 and I am going to be fine)
• Carry tokens to remind you of peaceful and comforting things/people
• Count yourself down. (10....9....8....) I also do this, but I do it in spanish, which is not my native tongue. I start with one and just keep going until I feel more under control.

Wanting to see b lood.

• Draw on yourself with a red pen.
• Take a small bottle of liquid red food coloring and press the tip of the bottle against your skin, tracing where you would want to see your b lood.
• Draw on the areas you want to cut using ice that has been made by dropping six or seven drops of red food coloring into each ice-cube.
• paint on yourself with red tempera paint or a red lip-liner pen.
• If you are in the mood to see scars, get a henna tattoo kit. Put the henna on as a paste (make sure you are not allergic to it) and leave it on overnight, and then you can pick it off like you would a scab and it leaves a reddish-orange mark behind.

General Coping Skills

• Make a "safe place." An area in your room/home where you put things that are calming and centering, with the intention that when you are in that space, you will not hurt yourself. Make this place comfortable, and soothing.
• Go DO something. Don't isolate. (does that sound repetitive yet?)
• Help someone around you. Your annoying little sister may need help with long-division. Your roommate may need help deciding what clothes to wear on her date the next night. Go volunteer somewhere on a regular basis. It helps to help other people.
• Make a phone list of people you can call for support. Put this list in a prominent place, so you know where it is and don't have to search for peoples' numbers. It is also helpful to know how late you can call someone. I have one friend that I know I can call at 3 am and we'll go get coffee if I need it. She can also call me at that time. But here is the important part of that relationship: we don't abuse that. We only call at 3 am if we really do need it. Some people may not want to be called after nine, or ten. Some won't want to be called before noon if they sleep in or have a different work schedule. You need to respect those wishes. Abusing someone's friendship only pushes them away in the long run. To use a cliche "been there, done that" and there really are some bridges that cannot be rebuilt. There are hot lines available. There are also "warmlines" springing up. Hot-lines or crisis lines almost always can trace the call, and if they think you are suicidal, they will come and find you. Warm lines usually do not trace calls, and are there for "just below a crisis" crisis. They will recommend that you go to an ER if they think it is neccessary, but they cannot force you to go.
• HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) these can be triggers for self harm
• Go do something fun!
• Lose the "shoulds, woulds, coulds" from your vocab. they only cause mental anguish in the long/or short term
• Put memories in air tight containers. Seriously. Write something down, and then put it away. And as you are putting it away physically, say to yourself that you are putting it away mentally as well. You deserve vacations from bad memories.
• notice black and white thinking.
• Write a poem. Or a story. Or a novel. Or an article.
• Plant flowers somewhere. A small piece of beauty that will be near you.
• Learn relaxation techniques. These will be helpful for almost all feelings that are overwhelming or upsetting
• Write in a journal--but be careful. You may not want to write about a lot of painful things, because it may just cause you to be more upset.
• Paint, draw, sketch
• Write an unsent letter to the person who is upsetting you or making you angry. say anything that comes to your mind, whatever it is. Sometimes it feels nice after you write it to rip it up to a million pieces.

SO, ARE YOU READY TO STOP?
    this is not always an easy decision

429
    Front Page on Self-Harm

Ignorance
    Page that begins some explanations of self-harm

What Self-harm is NOT and is
    Listing of facts on why people self-harm, and more importantly, why they don't.

Silverware
    an old mental ramble

About Me