The reason that we were divorced is because my ex wife and I are two completely different types of people. We could easily each watch the same movie and one of us love it while the other would be feverently praying for it end. She often believes that the end justifies the means regardless what type of example she may be setting for others. I am stubborn, a trait that I freely admit that I have....but one that I try to temper with common sense. I tried to do the best that I could with what I was making. I grabbed a full time position with a bank headquatered locally to get health insurance for everyone. The salary over my career there was below the poverty level for a family of five, but we managed to make ends meet without government assistance. Of course that meant many nights of eating hot dogs and mac & cheese or eggs and toast for dinner, but we managed to get by. I tried very hard not to approach my parents for money unless it was absolutely neccessary for a bill. We lived paycheck to paycheck and often it was paycheck to a few days prior to the next paycheck. There was never really money for a vacation anywhere or to really do anything. We would look forward to getting our income tax refund to go out as a family and get a good dinner. I didnt have a problem at all waiting for things to improve as time went on. I understood that you acquire more as time goes on and I made sure that the basics were covered while occasionally looking around for another job. My ex wife wanted everything and wanted it yesterday. It didnt matter to her often that the money wasnt there for it, thats what credit was invented for. I kept telling her that I would help her to get her G.E.D. as she did not graduate from high school. What she heard instead of me offering help, was offering to give her the answers. It was almost as if whatever I said to her, she would hear a twisted version of. I learned quickly to very deliberately choose my words to her and speak them clearly so that at least in my mind there could be no mistaking what I was saying. That was a waste of time. She still heard what she wanted to and didnt understand about compromising. It got to the point where I knew that whatver I said to her would be twisted around to suit her so I began to shut down verbally around her. I couldnt communicate with her because nothing was getting through. That of course didnt do anything to stem the tide of imagination. I felt as if I was slowly going crazy. I would say things over and over that would fall on deaf ears. Then afterwards being told that we should have done this or should not have done that, which was very likely advice that I tried to give at the start. I was slowly getting frustrated at not being able to get through as to what my thoughts were on how we should be managing things. It got to the point where I didnt neccesarily want to be home to listen to all of the 'problems' of the day if none of my proposed solutions were going to be listened to.
One day after work, I was in a very down mood and just wanted to vent about everything that was going on. There was a girl that worked in the same building as I did that I often ate lunch with and I asked her if she wasnt doing anything if we could just go out somewhere because I needed someone to talk to. She agreed and we drove our cars seperately to a local restaurant. We went in and each ordered an iced tea and I just began pouring out all of what had been gnawing at me emotionally for so long at home. To her credit, she didnt judge what was said or openly choose sides. She didnt offer advice without being asked for it. This went on for a few hours and it felt to me like a huge weight was slowly being lifted from my chest allowing me to breathe again slightly. When I noticed that it was now dark outside, my stomach sank as if it was filled with lead as I realized that I was going to be going back into that environment shortly. She hugged me in the parking lot and kissed me on the cheek for luck as we walked to our cars. As I drove home, I began to feel physically ill to my stomach. I know that I didnt do anything blatantly wrong or against my wedding vows, but I knew how it would be received at home. For those few hours sitting there, I felt more alive then in my few previous years of home life. It was because someone finally listened to everything that was building inside of me for quite some time. The load was temporarily lifted, but I also knew that having done that, I was in for a rather large new load of problems to deal with.
When I got home, my wife was about in the middle of a nervous breakdown. She was supposed to have been working that evening, but she called my parents to tell me something as I picked up the kids and was told that I wasnt there yet. She walked out of her job and after calling my job to verify that I wasnt there, had someone start driving her out and around to track me down. I can understand normal concern, but she always seemed to go a bit overboard. I walked in the door and sat down on the couch to a fast and furious barrage of questions as my guts twisted into a large knot. I told her that I was out with someone, a female. At that, there was a huge cry sounding like a wounded animal and she ran out the door working up to a major caniption. Needless to say, I got very little sleep that night before having to get up and go back to work the next day. It did hurt me to have caused her pain, but by the same token, I needed my sanity as well and that was getting very near the breaking point the way that things were going in the house. In an effort to prove to her that there was nothing that I was hiding about that evening, I (stupidly) took her to work one day when I was off to deliver some hoagies my co workers had ordered. Well, my wife managed to get someone there while I was busy to take her to where this girl worked. The next thing that I knew, I was being requested by management to get into this conference room with these two and get whatever was going on taken care of. With my wife being there, shouting was a given. No matter what this other girl or myself said, my wife would not believe us. There was an obvious impasse. The only thing that I got out of it was a complete earful driving home along with a formal letter of warning in my file for the occurance since my wife went into a restricted area to confront the other girl. This event was the beginning of the end of our marriage.