All Things Crap And Useless is a site written by myself, Mr Thomas Walker, as an attempt to contravene various parts of the Trade's Descriptions Act by actually only containing SOME of the things around which are crap and useless. As an added extra, I have managed to use this space to subtly vent some of my annoyance and confusion at the world in general. Also, if you feel like making yourself useful, you could complete this here user poll - but if you have anything else to do at all then I would suggest you don't waste your time on it.

You may well have noticed the lack of pictures around here. This feature is quite deliberate, and has been expertly installed to steer away the stupid. Anybody who is upset in any way by this policy is fully welcome to visit my old site, which not only contains pictures, but also bright colours, exclamation marks and probably one or two other attractions for those whose attention span is easily curtailed. Another thing you may have spotted (although it's not exactly what you'd call likely) is that said site was also given the handle 'All things crap and useless', but - vitally - it doesn't feature the breath-saving acronym "A.T.C.A.U.", which you may wish to pronounce "at-cow", and more importantly is what all the hip cats on the street will be saying in reference to this latest plethora of shite.

Just about the only other thing I could be bothered with is this list of inspirational quotes. Just so as to highlight my utter lack of imagination, these quotes are all by the same fictitious individual, created by someone other than myself. And, in order to dispell any misconceptions that such references disqualify My Good Self from being adequately and fairly represented by the single word, "philistine", I would like to point out that I was lead to discovering this most enlightened of minds by way of listening to a band, the name of which I grow weary of re-iterating.

So there it is - the first and, if my previous site is anything to go by, only 'update' of my main page. I hope it gives you herpes. Now is your chance to retort as wittily as the following selection of anticipated replies will allow:

1: For reasons my solicitor advises I do not disclose at this juncture, I urgently need to find out what the intro page looks like. My short-term memory has been destroyed by a parasitic life-form chewing away large sections of my brain, so I must insist that you send me back there this instant.

2: I have read all of your deranged drivel and wish to email you about this, or possibly some other interesting subject.

3: Please - get me away from this place.

Bye.


WAIT!!! - Another Thing

I've thought of another thing to put on this site. It's a Thought For The Day. This obviously doesn't mean I've raised the enthusiasm to update this site every day, of course - those of you who assumed that just aren't thinking laterally enough. This thought is my thought for every day. No matter what day you're reading this on it will undoubtedly be my thought for that day. Now, be prepared - this will require either reading the whole of the page I'm about to link to or scrolling down to the part of it that is in the biggest lettering - but don't just read the first couple of sentences and assume that you have the gist of what I'm talking about.