“I think there's been some mistake,” Hannah said, shocked. “These are hammocks.”
“Arrrr.” Fred said.
“We don't sleep in hammocks.” Jess pointed out.
“Especially not hammocks caked in DIRT.” Chris B noted.
“Arrrr, you could always be sharing my bunk for the night, me hearty.” Jim suggested.
“Er…no thanks.” Jess ran and hid behind Kurt.
“Aren't you cold?” Hannah asked Jim who had a skimpy sailor vest on.
“Arr no,” Jess replied. “We have ways to keep warm 'ere…arrr!” Jim looked suggestive.
Hannah shuddered.
“I'm going up deck to gamble and drink! Anyone else 'ere?!”
Chris J made a move to go.
“Oh no you don't.” Hannah ordered, pulling him back.
“But I won against the drunkards back in the Wild West…” Chris J pleaded.
“Wiggy wiggy.” Jess emitted.
“Indeed.” Chris J nodded.
“NO.” Hannah said definitely. “Plus, you don't have any money to gamble with!”
“I could use my jewellery…” Chris J trailed off.
“No.”
Jim went upstairs.
Chris B magically pulled out a feather duster. “Would you like your bed cleaned, madam?” He asked Jess.
“Ooh yes.” Jess grinned.
“It's not fair. I wish I had a butler.” Hannah sulked, looking at her own, filthy bunk.
“Hey, you opted for a husband, I opted for a butler. I won.” Jess shrugged, climbing up into her now vaguely presentable hammock.
“Clean my bunk.” Hannah ordered Chris J.
“What? No sodding way. I'm not your servant.” Chris replied.
“Bugger.” Hannah sat on a piece of the floor which wasn't totally covered in crap and sulked.
“I vote we try to get a good nights' sleep.” Grant said, optimistically. “Maybe things will look better in the morning.” He paused. “Maybe we'll be in England by the morning!”
“Oh, yeah, Grant, because this boat REALLY goes at about 3000 miles an hour.” Jess muttered.
“I was just trying to lighten the mood.” Grant sulked.
“Yeah, well, you're CRAP.” Jess concluded.
“Let's just go to bed.” Hannah said, knackered and pissed off.
They all headed off to their bunks.
“There's room for two in MY bunk…” Chris J started.
“NO.” Hannah snapped.
“Don't suppose there's room for two in-“
“NEIN, Jess.”
“Ok. Night, everyone.”
Jess blew out the candle and everything went black.

“ARR! WAKE UP YOU SCALLYRAGS! IT'D BE TIME TO LINE UP ON DECK FOR INSPECTION!!”
Jess rolled over, forgetting that she wasn't in a bed and fell out. “OW!” She groaned, trying to spit out fluff she had got on herself.
“What do you mean 'inspection'?” Hannah asked Captain Haddock who was standing in the entrance to their sleeping quarters.
“ARR, SHINE YER SHOES AND GET UP ON DECK! IF YER DON'T PASS INSPECTION, YOU'LL HAVE TER WASH THE DECK!! ARR!!” Captain Haddock disappeared, yet he could still be heard going 'ARR!' down the corridor.
“My shoes aren't shineable…they're trainers.” Said Hannah, looking down sadly at them.
“Shame on you.” Said Jess, hurriedly polishing her boots, with Chris B's feather duster.
“Why do we have to do this anyway?” Hannah said, in a sulk at being woken up too early. “We're guests.”
“Guess he just wants to keep his ship in check.” Grant said.
“Oh yes. And he does that well, doesn't he?” Jess said, voice thick with sarcasm.
“Just get up on deck.” Grant said, fed up.

Five minutes later, they were standing on deck alongside the dubious-looking crew of the Rolly Jodger.
“Arrr! Tidy your beard! Avast! Shine your shoes. Arrr!” Captain Haddock worked hi way down the line.
“I don't like this.” Hannah said, looking nervous.
“Don't worry, love – if he criticises you, I'll kill him.” Chris J said encouragingly.
“Arr!” Captain Haddock came to their part of the line.” Nicely turned out, lad, well done!” Grant smiled proudly. “Arr! You be a fine lass!” Hannah breathed a sigh of relief. “Arr…what the barnacles be you?!” Kurt blushed.
Suddenly there was a loud bang from across the water and the boat shook.
“What was that?” Jess asked, afraid.
“Arr! We be under attack!” Captain Haddock yelled. “Load the cannons!”
“Oh, bloody hell.” Jess made a run for it. She ran to take cover in a small cupboard but taking one look at the state of it, ran off fast in the other direction.
“Why are they under attack? Surely if a ship's under attack, it's for gaining wealth…but this ship must be worth all of 3p.”
Chris J nodded. “Duck!” He jumped on top of Hannah and they landed on the deck, narrowly missing being hit by a sword. “That was close.”
“Was it? Or was it just an excuse for you to jump on me?!”
Chris J looked shocked, then guilty, then shocked again. “No!”
All the sailors were trying to fire the cannons but they were so rusty and old that they were refusing to fire. It was beginning to look like a total walkover.
“Oh, for God's sake…” Jess pulled off her shoe and hurled it at the boat firing at them. It hit the guy firing the cannon and he accidentally pulled the front of it around and shot a hole in the deck of his own ship.
“Nice shot.” Observed Grant, pulling off his own shoe and throwing it, ripping a hole in the sail.
“Let's destroy their boat!” Suggested Chris B, getting excited.
“Arrrr!” Captain Haddock lined up his men. “Lads – shoes OFF!” The pirates all pulled off a shoe. “Arrr! HURL!” They all threw their shoes at the other boat.
“ARRRRGH!” Cannons fired randomly and the sails ripped.
“ARRR!” Jess and Hannah gave in to piratedom and laughed as the crew jumped ship.
“Let's raid their ship and steal all their underwear!!” Captain Haddock ordered.
“Bloody hell.” Jess muttered. “They need underwear that badly?!”
“Shall we raid the ship before it sinks, J? There might be jewels on there!”
“Hannah, this isn't the 18th century – we don't need jewels to pawn off!” Jess replied.
“Although it would be handy.” Hannah tried to sway her.
“Yeah.”
Chris J threw a ladder over between the two ships and ran over it quickly.
Hannah, with a squeak, followed suit and joined Chris across the divide. “Jess? You coming?”
Jess, slightly interested in the thought of nosing round the other ship that looked clean, decided that if she were going to do only one thing that was mad in this book, it was to be this. She leapt across.