“Jewels!” Cried Captain Haddock.
“Food!” Yelled Jess and Hannah.
“UNDERWEAR!” The crew of the Rolly Jodger exclaimed.
They all stampeded into the cabins and started looting.
“Blimey – they've got a lot of stuff, haven't they?!” Hannah exclaimed, eating six slices of bread and a banana at once.
“Yeah…” Jess had discovered a stash of sushi and was now otherwise engaged.
“Erm…I hate to disturb the looting and pillaging,” Chris B said, looking with concern at something at the head of the table they were currently eating off. “But, erm-“
“Spit it out, dude!” Hannah said, eating her way through a pile of rice cakes and accidentally biting Kurt's tail, which was resting on the table.
“OW!”
“Ugh; not vegan…sorry, dude.”
“LOOK!" They all turned to see a throne at the head of the table.
“Oh.” Jess looked down at the plate she was eating off. It had the words 'SS QEII' written on it.
“Oh, good mother of Rolf Harris.” Chris J said.
“We've just attacked and taken over the Queen's boat.” Jess said. “And, judging by this…” She put her hand on the throne. “She was here.”
“How do you know?!” Asked Hannah.
“Still warm.” Jess exclaimed.
“We are in SO MUCH trouble.” Chris B observed.
Suddenly a loud voice came booming in from outside on a megaphone.
“COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP! THIS IS HER MAJESTY'S POLICE AND ATTACK FORCE!”
“Oh, BALLS.” Jess said.
“How do we get out of this?!” Hannah said, scared. “I think I'd rather be back in the black hole!”
“Maybe there's a worm hole round here somewhere…” Grant ran around in circles like one of those really annoying flies.
“LEAVE ALL YOUR POSSESSIONS AND WALK, VERY SLOWLY ONTO UPPER DECK!!”
“KURT!” Jess exclaimed.
“Ja?” Kurt turned, still cradling his nibbled tail in his hands.
“You can get us out of here!!”
Kurt shrugged. “I have no idea where I'm going though…we could end up in the sea!”
“That's surely a better position to be in than going back to jail…” Hannah reckoned. “I mean…we'll get a lifetime, at least.”
“We shouldn't be in trouble! They attacked us! Arr!” A scared sailor said.
Captain Haddock walked past very slowly. “ARR. I be screwed.” He disappeared up the stairs.
“Ok, either a lifetime of jail or sharks in the sea, right?” Chris J said. “I chose secret option number 3…”
“Ooh, sounds promising.” Hannah optimistically looked up. “Go on…”
“We claim we were taken capture by Haddock and his crew! That they were force feeding us and filling our pockets with their loot…”
“You mean, in other words, own up.” Jess said.
Chris J looked downtrodden.
“YOU HAVE TWO MINUTES!” The voice yelled outside.
“Oh no!” Jess panicked. “What are we gonna do?”
“We'll just have to own up. Maybe if we do they'll be lenient.” Chris B said.
“Or…they could throw us in jail.” Grant said.
“You're such a pessimist.” Jess muttered.
“Let's take a vote.” Chris B said. “All in favour of going up on deck?”
Jess, Chris B, Kurt and Hannah raised their hands.
“All against?”
Grant and Chris J raised their hands.
“Bugger.” Chris J muttered.
“Come on.” They trooped up on deck.

“IF YOU DON'T COME UP ON DECK I'M GOING OT RIP- OH…GOOD, YOU'RE ALL HERE!” The loudspeaker voice announced, as Jess, Hannah, Grant, Kurt, Chris J and Chris B walked out onto the deck.
The QEII was surrounded by no less than 20 ships, all with guns and martial arts-trained assassins pointed towards them.
“Gee, they don't exactly go to town, do they.” Hannah said sarcastically.
“Hans, we did just try to hijack the QEII.” Jess said.
“I'm surprised at how easy it was to take out.” Chris J said, as they paraded the deck to line up with the other guilty looking sailors.
“I wonder where the Queen is…” Hannah said thoughtfully.
“They probably air evacuated her out of here.”
“Look!” Chris B pointed.
They looked up to see an old woman in a nightgown, flustered by the wind, being carried across the divide between ships by a helicopter.
“Oh, you're KIDDING.” Jess stared in disbelief as the helicopter landed on the landing pad and the woman got out.
“Hello, subjects.” She said.
“Erm…hi, your majesty…” Jess said, curtsying.
“Is he one of mine?” The Queen asked, nodding at Chris B in his butler outfit. “Has he escaped?”
“Er…no. He's mine.” Jess said, assertively.
“So…why have you attacked one's boat?” The Queen asked.
“It was an accident, your majesty.” Hannah insisted. “We didn't realise it was your boat.”
“Yes, we were attacked by PIRATES!” Chris J added.
“Yes. They rescued us from Antarctica.” Grant said.
“Our spaceship crashed there.” Kurt pointed out.
“And we crashed after we went through the black hole…” Chris B said.
There was a silence.
“I see.” The Queen said, raising an eyebrow. “So, I repeat, why are you attacking one's boat?”
“Not bright, is she?!” Hannah mused.
“Hannah!” Jess said, shocked.
“Ok, it goes a little something like this…” Hannah said in a loud voice. “We didn't get on this boat to steal all your stuff, but were instead forced on by these manky pirates-“
“'Manky'?” The Queen repeated curiously.
“-and we never participated in the attack and bringing down of your boat in the first place, which I'd like to point out is currently sinking at an increasing rate, so if you could hurry a little…?”
The Queen made an indignant noise. After a while she seemed to have come to a decision. “Alright then, I will tell you what will happen…you can all get off one's sinking boat if, and only if, I can have you!”
Everyone followed the Queen's pointing hand.
“Oh NO!” Jess let slip.
Chris B gulped. “M-m-me, your Royal Highness?”