“HUSKIES?” Jess shrieked. “No Goddamn WAY am I being dragged around by a bunch of HUSKIES!”
“C'mon, J, it'll be fun!” Hannah said, eagerly.
“It'll be DANGEROUS!” Jess protested.
“You got any other ideas of how we get off of Antarctica?” Grant asked her.
Jess paused.
“Swim?”
“Come on. We've got two sleds, so hop on and let's go.” Hannah said.
“I don't like dogs. I'm a CAT person.” Jess protested.
The dogs looked at her and growled, showing their teeth, or should I say, fangs.
“Ha ha…uhuh…only kidding.” Jess lied. “She ran around a wide circle keeping at least a five metre distance between her and the dogs, then hopped on the back of the sleigh.
“It's all Christmassy…isn't it?!” Hannah remarked, reminiscently.
“Apart from the snow…no.” Chris J answered. “MUSH!” He shook the reigns attached to the dogs and the huskies started up, almost causing Jess to fall off the back of the sled.
They moved off on their two giant sleds and shivered in the cold Antarctic wind, willing the dogs to faster to get to a warmer place.
“Have you any ideas what we're going to do when we get to the end of the ice?”
Jess was about to open her mouth and say 'swim' when Chris B put a hand over it.
“Let's leave that decision until we get there…” Hannah told them.
The sleigh stopped abruptly.
They looked around.
“Ok…so what is that decision?” Chris B reiterated.
“Bloody hell…the ice can't finish here…can it?” Jess said. “I thought we were far inland…in ice.”
“Global warming.” Kurt said, sounding depressed. “The only global killer we can't fight.”
“Pull yourself together and help me make a raft.” Hannah snapped.
“Out of what, smart arse?!” Jess asked. “ICE?”
“I don't bloody know! But you could at least do something instead of sitting there on the sled!” Hannah yelled.
“Don't insinuate I'm lazy, you BITCH!”
“Don't sit there and criticise my ideas, YOU bitch!”
“Girls, girls, girls!” Chris J interjected. “Come on - we'll have to co-operate if we're going to get anywhere.”
“We could break up the sleds and use the wood.” Kurt suggested.
“Thankyou, Kurt – at least SOMEONE'S attempting to come up with a helpful idea!” Hannah snapped, at Jess more than Kurt.
“Don't even START getting pally with him or I'll BITE YOUR BREASTS OFF!” Jess screamed.
There was a silence.
“I'll…I'll start breaking up the sleds.” Said Chris B.

Around 10 minutes later, Chris J and Chris B were hungry. Whilst everyone else was trying to mould some sort of nightmarish boat out of sleighs, they sat on a plank.
“Do you think we could eat him?” Chris J asked.
“I should think so…he might be a different colour but I reckon he's just as tasty.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. What with my continental meat-eating experiences, I say you can trust me.” Chris B said.
Chris J nodded. “Do you think we should put him on a spit?”
“Yeah.”
“Roast him slowly…”
“Yeah.”
“Juicy…succulent…meaty…”
Kurt, who had been listening to this entire conversation nearby, fainted.
“Ok, do you want to catch him, or shall I?” Chris B said.
“I'll give it a go.” Chris J jumped up and ran off after a little penguin that had been curiously watching the boat-building session.
“Right. All aboard!” Hannah said, triumphantly indicating the pile of wood which she was taking for a raft.
“We are NOT trying to sail away on THAT.” Grant said, firmly.
”What are you talking about? Why not?!” Hannah asked, crossly.
“Because it'll SINK!” Grant said, pointing at it.
“It's fine.” Hannah kicked it with her foot and it collapsed.
“SOD this.” Jess shook her head. “I'm NOT going to die just because Hannah won't admit her raft is a pile of CRAP.”
“YOU SHUT IT, MISSY!” Shouted Hannah, trying to reassemble her 'raft'.
“I could try to teleport us somewhere,” Kurt said. “But I can't guarantee we will remain in your universe and not MINE.”
“Suits me.” Jess grabbed his tail happily.
“Hang on, J – we need to think about this…you want to live in a world where everyone thinks you're a COMMUNIST?” Hannah asked.
“Oh. Oh, GOD, no.” Jess let go of Kurt's tail.
There was a honking noise from somewhere in the hazy snowdrift behind them.
“Ve could try and detach a bit of ice from the main land and float?” Kurt suggested.
“Yeah, good one…then we get into warmer waters, the ice melts and we're plunged into the sea.” Hannah exclaimed.
“At least the water would be warm…” Jess tried to defend her favourite mutant.
The honking noise sounded again but louder.
“Chris!” Hannah snapped. “Would you please leave that poor penguin alone and come and participate in an adult discussion with us!!”
“I'm not chasing the penguin!” Chris J said, shocked at the accusation. “He ran off half an hour ago!”
“Then what was that noise!?”
The answer came when out of the snowdrift behind them a huge boat appeared, looming over them. It banged into the ice and stopped. A porthole in the side opened up and a small set of steps fell out. A man in a captain's suit stepped out and looked around confused.
“Ooh arrrr, me maties! Who be you then?” He asked surveying the exceptionally cold looking people on the ice.
“Hannah.” Hannah answered. “Who are you?”
“Arr! I be Captain Haddock! Have you seen any fish!?”
They all looked at each other in amusement.
“Uhh…no, but I know where you can find some…” Hannah said cunningly.
“No you don't!” Said Jess.
“Ssh!” Hannah hissed through the side of her teeth. “If you take us to a main continent…say Europe…England…we'll show you where the fish are!”
“Arr! You be a fine lass! Get on!” Captain Haddock disappeared into the ship leaving the 6 standing in silence.
“I can't believe you just did that.” Jess said.
“Do you WANT to go back home or not?” Hannah asked. Jess thought of her hobbit action models back at home and nodded. “Right. So shut up and get on the ruddy ship.”
They boarded nervously and looked around. Several dodgy-looking members of the crew leered at them as they came up on deck.
“I don't like it here.” Jess said. “I think we should go for Kurt's ice idea.”
“We're here now, so make the most of it.” Hannah said quietly.
“Arrrr! Me hearties! Welcome to the Rolly Jodger.”
“Eh?” Grant looked confused.
“We be taking you back to England.” The Captain said.
“Yes. Jolly good.” Jess said, side-stepping away from a cabin boy who was trying to look up her skirt. “Erm…could you show us to our quarters?”
“Arrrr! Of course!” Captain Haddock called forward two cabin boys. “Jim! Fred! Show these fine people…down below…”
Chris J gulped.
“Follow me.” One of the grotty men led them down some wooden steps into the darkness.