“ARGH!” Jess cowered down into a small ball.
“It can't come right down to the bottom, can it?!” Hannah asked everyone, doubtfully.
“Well…the wire does.” Chris J pointed, tugging at it.
“We're doomed!” Chris B exclaimed.
“It's ok! Look!!” Hannah gestured to the shut doors she had just spotted next to her, obviously why the lift was heading down towards them. “Help me get them open!!”
Kurt, Chris B and Chris J ran over and tried to pull open the door.
“It's not opening!!” Chris B said, going red in the face with exertion.
“Quick!” Chris J said after looking up to see the rapidly descending lift.
Kurt was trying to pull with both hands and his tail, trying hard to insert the forked tip in the metal gap.
“ARR! HURRY!” Jess said, cowering in the middle of the floor.
“HELP!” Hannah screamed.
Suddenly a small door on the other side of the shaft opened up and a random man popped his head out. “Do you need help?”
“YES!” Everyone chorused in unison.
“Well come on through!”
They dived through the door just as the lift hit the bottom.
“Phew! That was close!” Hannah sat up and breathed deeply to calm herself.
“I thought I was a gonner!” Jess exclaimed. “My whole life flashed in front of my eyes…it would have made a good film, actually.”
“Who are you?” Hannah looked up at the guy who had saved them.
“My name's Grant.” He replied. “I work down here.” He indicated the room they were sitting in, which appeared to be the hospital boiler room.
“PROSPECTS.” Jess muttered to herself.
“Well, thanks for saving us, mate.” Said Chris J. Kurt, Jess and Chris B mumbled in agreement. Hannah stared at Grant intently.
“Hang on!” She reached in a seemingly bottomless pocket and drew out a Feeder album. “You're Grant Nicholas! From FEEDER!”
Grant took the CD and stared at the cover.
“Well, my surname IS Nicholas, but I've never heard of 'Feeder'.”
Hannah frowned.
“SURE you have!” She exclaimed. “You know…'CD player, player, player, player, player, player, player, player-“
“WHAT?”
Grant looked dreadfully confused, poor boy. “I've really never heard of this before.
“Oh my God,” Jess said, suddenly. “Do you know what this is?”
“What?” Asked everyone (except Kurt, who said 'vat').
“We're in a parallel universe!” She exclaimed.
“A what?” Chris J asked.
“Haven't you ever seen that episode of 'Red Dwarf'?!” Jess started. Hannah shook her head. Chris J shook his head. Kurt shook his head. Grant shook his head. Chris B shook his head but then hesitated.
“Oh. Well…yes.”
“Well, the crew go to a place in space where they're in a parallel universe, where most things are the same but there are vital differences.” Jess explained. “They find a duplicate of their ship but when they meet their counterparts they find they're female versions of them and that women are the dominant sex – there is no feminist movement; there's a masculinist movement instead.”
“What are you saying?!” Chris J asked. “That there'll be male versions of you?”
“Not necessarily. Anything could happen. In Grant's case, he didn't become a rock star, but the Grant in our universe did.” Jess was clinging onto her understanding of what she was about by her fingertips by this stage. “So here Hannah and I might never have met…or we may have got married…or one or both of us could have died.”
“Blimey.” Hannah looked confused. “So…you're not in a band, then?” She asked Grant.
“No.”
“So you're not famous?”
“No.”
“So you haven't got any impossibly high standards.”
“No.”
“FAB.” Hannah leapt on top of him.

“…and one Strongbow.”
“Grant put the last drink down on a cardboard box that was acting as a coffee table.
“Thanks.” Hannah picked the bottle up and took a swig.
“You alright, love?” Chris J asked her.
Hannah took another hurried swig. “Fine.”
“So what does your job comprise of?” Jess asked, dying for some intelligent conversation after falling several floors onto concrete.
Grant looked confused.
“Your job? What does it comprise of?”
“What does it what of?”
“Comprise.” Answered Jess, getting rather frustrated.
There was a short silence. Grant picked up his drink and started to talk to Kurt instead.
“Stupid boy…” Jess muttered, surveying the boiler room which was, as expected, quite warm and quite messy.
There was an ear piercing whistle all of a sudden and Grant sat up straight. “Excuse me a minute…” He got up and went to shovel some coal onto a fire.
“They use fossil fuels here?!” Jess said, astonished.
“Of course, what else would we use?” Grant asked, dusting his hands.
“Aren't you worried about the O-Zone layer?” Hannah asked.
“No – there's isn't one.” Grant replied.
“Oh.” Hannah nodded.
“So, what were you doing at the bottom of a lift shaft in a hospital on a moon of mars?” Grant asked, chattily.
“Well, the stupid lift broke.” Chris J said. “And it probably had something to do with my STUPID wife pressing the button too hard!”
“EXCUSE ME?” Hannah said, aghast. “If you'd brought some of your rock star millions with you then we wouldn't have been on the run from the doctors in the first place and I wouldn't have HAD to press the button!”
“You never press my buttons.” Chris said sulkily.
“So it's YOUR fault!” Hannah concluded.
“If your stupid friend hadn't needed hospital treatment…” Chris began.
“Oh, now don't drag HER into it,” Chris B said, thinking he might get a bonus for defending his employer.
“Yeah, she wouldn't have been concussed if Kurt hadn't teleported onto her HEAD!” Hannah yelled at Chris J.
“DON'T start on KURT!” Jess warned Hannah, angrily.
There was an angry silence. “Ok…sorry I asked…” Grant said apologetically.
Everyone gave each other evil stares.
Chris went to open his mouth.
“Look, DON'T even start!” Hannah exclaimed.
The tension was as thick as the soot in the air.
“Another drink?” Grant asked, trying to smooth out the ruffles in everyone's relationships.
“Yes plea, Grant.” Hannah smiled appreciatively.
“Oh no you don't.” Chris J said in an authoritive tone. “It was your drinking that got us into this situation in the first place!”
“Oh don't blame me just because Jess can't hold her drink!!” Hannah retorted.
“If I was an accusing man, I'd say you were an experienced alcoholic!!”
Hannah growled and in one swift move, picked up a nearby shovel and whacked Chris J over the head with it. Chris fell onto the floor unconscious.
Hannah looked at the shocked faces around her. “Oh, don't get me wrong, that's not the way to sort out domestic spats, but it sure makes it easier.” She reflected.
“Blimey.” Jess backed away slowly.