Hannah insisted on taking the monorail to the shops, even though it meant a detour of 10 minutes. She went to a row of newsagents and walked into the nearest one to pick up some milk.
There was a long row of fridges with clear glass doors and Hannah looked in one which had all the milk in it next door to a fridge that a man was picking stuff out of.
She opened the door up and glanced over all the milks.
“Hannah?” Came an Australian voice beside her.
“Tim?!” Hannah turned, concerned that this random Australian surfer dude was stalking her. She recognised the man in the fridge next to her through the glass doors and gasped. “CHRIS?!”
Chris Joannou, Hannah's husband…or ex-husband (nobody really knows), looked back at her in shock.
Hannah decided to hide in the fridge but only succeeded in getting cream all over herself.
“HANNAH?!” Chris dropped the six cartons of milk he was carrying.
“What are YOU doing here?” Hannah squeaked.
“What are YOU doing here? And who's 'Tim'?!” Chris demanded.
“He's my half-naked surfer dude, but that's irrelevant!” Hannah ignored Chris's shocked expression. “How have I managed to bump into you on MARS?!”
“I thought you were dead!” Chris exclaimed.
“Yeah, well, it wouldn't make for a very exciting book if I was dead, would it?!” Hannah said, exasperated.
“I can't believe this.” Chris sank down to sit in the puddle of spilt milk in shock. “It thought I'd never see you again…I annulled the marriage-“
“YOU DID WHAT?!” Hannah screamed.
“I thought you were DEAD!” Chris reiterated.
“That's no excuse!” Hannah slapped him.
“You said I could!” Chris tried to defend.
“I did?” Hannah tried to think of the near-death, near-plane crash experience. “I must have been insane.” Then added: “Must have been the effect of being near Jimmy again.
“JIMMY?” Chris looked up, shocked at the mention of his cousin.
“Yeah…he was piloting the plane!” Hannah said in a tone that would suggest Chris was stupid.
“Really?” Chris looked dumbfounded.
“Didn't he tell you I was alright?!” Hannah asked, temper rising.
“Well, he didn't mention he'd seen you…” Chris said, sounding frustrated.
“STUPID JOANNOU ARSE!!” Hannah cursed.
Chris looked hurt.
“It's ok darling, I wasn't talking about you…” Hannah lovingly pinched one of his cheeks. “I hope you haven't been seeing anyone else.” She said threateningly.
“Erm…” Chris looked shifty. “No.”
Hannah decided to believe him – it saved precious beating up time – and grabbed a carton of milk.
“Right, well, you'd better come back with me, then. We've got lots of wasted married life to catch up on.”
Hannah grabbed Chris and dragged him out the shop.

Hannah pushed open the door of Jess's room to see total chaos. Dom, Billy and Brian had knocked over a huge pile of books from a shelf and had got themselves wedged underneath them (well, they WERE hardbacks). Jess and Chris were fighting over the hoover and Keanu was sitting among the madness on the floor, meditating.
“G'day!” Tim appeared in front of Hannah. “I wondered when you'd be back.” He stopped short. “STREWTH, mate – that's Chris Joannou from Silverchair!”
“Correction – that's MY Chris Joannou from Silverchair.” Hannah said, proudly. “He's my husband.”
“Uhh, Hannah? I don't think you can technically say that anymore-“
“Quiet, Chris. I'm still wearing the ring so it still counts.” She said, holding out her left hand.
“I didn't notice that.” Tim said, sounding shocked.
“Why should that be a problem?” Chris asked, curious.
“No reason.” Time said, sounding suspicious.
“You haven't been seeing anyone else, have you?” Chris turned to Hannah.
Hannah considered this question carefully – there had been Keanu…and Tim…and she had a strange feeling about Grant Nicholas even though she could have sworn she hadn't met him before.
“Well?” Chris said, expectantly.
Hannah ran off.
“No, I'm hovering!”
“No! I'm hovering!!”
“You spuds.” Hannah said, walking up to them. “Ooh, Jess, guess who I bumped into in the newsagents…”
“Who?” Jess asked, dropping the hoover. “Was it Sean? Was it? Was it Sean? It was Sean, wasn't it?!”
“No.” Hannah sighed. “It's better than that.”
“TWO SEANS?” Jess yelped.
“NO!” Hannah slapped her. “Look!” She pointed to where Chris was standing, looking at Tim suspiciously.
“Oh no” Jess gasped. “He doesn't know about Keanu, does he?!”
“Um…no. You keep quiet.” Hannah said, shiftily.
“We can't have two Chrises in the book, Hans, that's just too confusing.” Jess said, worried.
“Good point.” Said Hannah, raising a hand to her chin in thought. “Oh, well, it's a problem easily solved.” She turned back into the room. “OI! CHRIS!” Both Chrises turned around. “Not MY Chris, Jess's Chris.” She added. Silverchair Chris returned to his observation of Tim, leaving Butler Chris looking at her. “Yeah, you. Piss off.” Hannah strode over and tried to shoo him out the door. “Go on, get lost.”
“NO!” Jess ran over and shut the door. “No one just dismisses my book characters!” Jess looked over at Hannah's 'husband'. “He can go instead!”
“Now, that's just plain silly, Jess. He's my husband.” Hannah said.
“No-“ Chris started.
“Quiet!”
Tim wandered over. “Well, if he's your butler,” Tim said, pointing at Chris Joannou. “Then call him 'Butler'.”
“He's not a butler!” Hannah exclaimed.
“I thought it would be weird to have the bassist of Silverchair as your Butler…” Time reflected.
“Stop confusing everyone!” Billy said, having managed to escape from the pile of books and entering the room at the wrong time.
“Butler…Butler…” Jess played around with the name. “I could get used to that…”
“I couldn't!” Chris exclaimed, offended.
“You'll do as you're told.” Hannah told him.
“It's the only way.” Jess reflected.
“What are you suggesting? That I call my Chris 'Husband'?” Hannah asked.
“Why not?” Jess said. “That's his function isn't it?”
“I'm not just an OBJECT,” Chris interjected, crossly.
“Yes you are,” Jess and Hannah replied in unison.
“All men are.” Hannah added.
The two Chrises, Brian, Keanu, Tim, Billy and Dom looked at each other in terror.
“Right, that's settled, then.” Jess said. “We'll call you 'Husband' and 'Butler', or, in times of crisis, Chris J and Chris B.”
“Oh, that's NICE.” Brian muttered. “You two treat men like crap!”
“So do you.” Jess retorted.
“True. But I'm allowed to.” Brian sulked.
“Screw this. Let's go find the nearest bar.” Hannah said, leaping up.
“Do they have bars on Mars?!” Dom asked.
“Sure they do.” Hannah said, hoping to God there was, because she REALLY needed a Strongbow.
“Do we have to go to the bar?” Jess whined.
“You don't have to…” Chris (Butler) Barrie suggested.
“Oh, come on you pathetic farts!” Hannah exclaimed, dragging them out.
“But…the hoovering!”