Sean watched Zane who was at least making more sense.
“OK! NOW WHERE'S MY MONEY?!” Zane looked around. His faithful yet annoying camera man handed him a �20 note. “Thanks, mate.” He turned back to the audience. “THE DARKNESS ARE NOW BANNED!!”
The audience bottled Zane off the stage.
“You're not making yourself very popular, Zane.” Hannah pointed out.
“I don't care.” Said Zane, sticking out his chest.
“Yeah, well, THEY do,” Said Brian, narrowly avoiding being hit by a bottle.
“ENOUGH of this!” Zane clicked his fingers and Tony Blair and George Bush's helicopter roared back into life.
“What are you doing? Where are you going?” Hannah yelled over the noise.
“I'm going to Number 10. I'm gonna live there now!” Zane grinned, leaping into the helicopter.
“WAIT! I'M GOING WHERE THE PLOT IS!” Hannah ran for the helicopter, then came back.
“You're coming with me!” Hannah grabbed Keanu.
“What? What about ME?” Jess yelled, the wind from the helicopter blades really buggering up her hair.
“Come with us! Hurry!” Jess turned back to her hobbits.
“But…but HANNAH…!”
“Choose a couple and HURRY UP!”
“ARRRGH!” Jess sank to her knees. “GOD, NO! DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE!”
“OK, I'll do it!” Hannah grabbed two hobbits and Jess and leapt onto the helicopter.

Jess opened her eyes to see Zane, Keanu and Hannah sitting in front of her.
“W-where are my HOBBITS?” She demanded.
“Over there…” Hannah replied.
Jess turned around tentatively and saw Billy and Dom sitting together sheepishly.
“HANNAH! WHERE'S MY SEAN!”
“Oops.”
“OOPS?! OOPS?!!” Jess was almost spitting (it really wasn't pretty).
“I'm sorry! I didn't know you were still hung up on him!” Hannah tried to defend.
“Quiet!” Zane said. “You're interfering with my mini-disk player!” He put his headphones back in his ears and scowled at the two argumentative girls.
Jess turned to Hannah and mouthed with hand signals. “YOU…OUTSIDE…NOW!!”
“WE'RE ON A HELICOPTER!” Hannah mouthed back.
“WHAT?”
“HE-LI-COP-TER!!” Hannah made hand signals which were beginning to freak Brian, Keanu, Dom and Billy out.
Jess, totally frustrated and so forgetting to mouth, burst out: “WHAT THE HELL'S A DUSTBUSTER GOT TO DO WITH IT?!!!”
“Just forget it.” Hannah muttered, slumping back in her seat.
“I'm-going-to-be-President-of-the-Wo-oorld, I'm-going-to-be-President-of-the-World,” Zane chanted.
“Oh, shut up, dude.” Brian moaned.
“Yeah.” Said Hannah. “That's NOTHING. Keanu's the ONE, aren't you, Keanu?”
“Er, I-“
“Yeah, so he's better than you.”
Zane looked cross.
“Bet he's not.”
“IS.” Hannah insisted.
“Um, Hannah…” Keanu was beginning to look worried.
“Well…how about we FIGHT to see who the best is?” Zane said.
“FINE! You're ON!” Hannah yelled back at him.
“Hannah! NO!” Keanu exclaimed.
“FINE!” Zane shouted back.
“GOOD!” Hannah added.
“Oh Buddha!” Keanu buried his head in his hands.
“So where are we going again?” Brian enquired. “Because I kind of jumped on this helicopter not knowing the situation…”
“10 Downing Street.” Jess informed. “Zane's going to live there.”
“Actually,” Zane said thoughtfully. “I'm going to knock down all those crappy houses no Downing Street and make a huge palace!”
“Oh dear.” Jess pulled out an edition of The Private Eye and started to read it.
The helicopter started to descend and Dom and Billy watched out of the window as the Thames went past. They recognised the Houses of Parliament and the helicopter finally touched down in Downing Street.
They all hopped out and Zane wandered up to Keanu looking meaningful.
“Alright. Fight. Now.” He commanded.
“What do we win if we win?” Keanu asked, not one for material possessions but interested all the same.
“President of the World position.” Zane replied. He turned to Brian, Hannah, Jess, Dom and Billy. “I think you should all go on in – I'm going to open up a can of whoop-ass on this actor, it'd be safer for you.”
The rest traipsed in and went to a nearby window, watching out eagerly.
“Hope Keanu wins.” Said Jess, excitedly.
“Yeah, that Zane dude is as weird and crazy as his name.” Billy commented.
“Can you imagine what it would be like if Keanu won?” Hannah said, dreamily. “The world would be as beautiful as he is…” She sighed and drifted into a fantasy world.
“Yeah, well…he hasn't won yet.” Dom observed.
“Of course he'll win. He's The One.” Hannah snapped.
“Oh, bloody hell.” Jess hid her face in her hands.
Outside, Zane had started circling Keanu menacingly.
“Look, dude – we don't have to do this…” Keanu started. “We can just go inside and forget all about this…”
“No chance, sucker!” Zane lunged forward suddenly and tried to punch Keanu, who side-stepped just in time, causing Zane to punch the wall behind where Keanu had been standing.
“Oooooooh.” Chorused Dom, Billy and Jess inside the house.
“That's GOTTA hurt.” Brian observed.
“OWWW!” Zane shrieked, clutching his fist with his other hand. “Right, now you're gonna get it, Buddha-boy!” He ran at Keanu and tried to strangle him.
“Come on, Neo! KICK HIS ARSE!” Hannah yelled.
“Hannah, it's Keanu, not Neo!” Dom explained.
“Don't worry about it; she's just having trouble separating fiction from reality.” Jess said nonchalantly.
“What? Does she do that often?” Billy asked, concerned.
“Occasionally. Now be quiet, Pippin, I'm trying to watch the fight.”
“We don't have to fight, Zane. I don't want to be President of the World!” Keanu said to Zane who he was currently holding up against the wall.
“I can't live with being President if I know you're around!” Zane exclaimed, angry, trying to bite Keanu's arm.
“So, you're saying fight to the death?!” Keanu asked, fancying his chances against the mad Kiwi.
“Yes.” Zane finally managed to make Keanu drop him by tickling his underarm.
“Heehee! OW!!” Keanu reeled back as Zane punched him. Then, clicking into a fight sequence previously seen in The Matrix, Keanu kicked Zane's arse.
By the end of the taekwondo, super-human influenced set, Zane lay, ominously still, on the floor.
There was a tumultuous applause from inside 10 Downing Street. Meanwhile, back out on the street, Keanu was rather worried he'd seriously hurt the poor fella, particularly since he wasn't responding to any stimuli, including an extremely pokey stick.
“He's not dead is he?” Hannah peered slightly guiltily out of the window.
“Nah.” Jess said, reading her edition of The Private Eye.
Keanu ran in. “Does someone want to call an ambulance?” He looked around apprehensively.
“Oooh dear…” Billy said, looking out of the window.
“What?” Everyone turned and ran to the window.
“He's gone!” Said Hannah, shocked.
“Impossible!” Keanu, surprised, blinked,” I knocked him flat!”
Jess screamed.
“WHAT?!” Everyone swivelled around in unison.
“One of the priceless shotguns in the antique cabinet is GONE!!”
“So?” Said Hannah, not bothered.
“Well it's got to be ZANE!!”
“ARGHHH!” Everyone screamed, dispersing in different directions, trying to hide from the mad Kiwi with a shotgun.