"Guten Tag, Jess!" Kurt said,
beaming. "Jess?" He looked around, confused.
So did Hannah - Jess had been standing next to her but there now seemed to be a
cloud of dust where she had been. "JESS?!" Hannah called. "DON'T LEAVE ME IN
HERE ON MY OWN!!" She sighed. No response. Jess must have disappeared. Hannah
tried to find her.
"So, how are you?" Kurt started.
"Not the time." Hannah pushed him out of the way and walked in the direction
that Jess and herself had been heading in originally. She went once to the left
then two right turns and then after a long corridor, a turning to the left.
She stopped in her tracks.
"Well, hello Hannah."
Kelly Jones from Stereophonics-fame stood in front of her, leaning idly against
a wall.
"Oh, phew, hi Kelly, it's only you." Hannah said, looking at all the corridors
around her for any sign of Jess.
"Hi Hannah..."
Hannah jumped as Zane Lowe appeared around the corner. "Will you NOT
sneak up on me like that!"
"I wasn't sneaking," Zane stated. "I was just coming to check that you had the
correct password to go through this corridor."
"What are you talking about?" Hannah asked, mildly worried.
"I'm saying, no password? No go." Zane said bluntly.
"ARGH!" Hannah stamped her foot in annoyance. Nothing seemed to be simple
these days. It was all high-tech, Space-related and orange these days. "Oh, I
don't know." Hannah snapped. "'I want to take over the World'?!"
"WRONG!" Zane cackled evilly. "Now you'll have to stay with me here FOREVER!!"
"NO WAY!" Hannah pushed past him violently and ran as fast as her legs
would carry her wailing: "JESS! JESS!" as she went.
She rounded a corner and ran smack-bang into Jess who had been running very fast
towards her.
"JESS!"
"HANNAH!"
"What's wrong?!"
"I just ran into Mik and Bruce!" Jess exclaimed.
"I thought they were both dead?" Hannah said, confused.
"They ARE!" Jess yelped.
"ARGHH!" Hannah turned and ran with Jess back in the direction she had just come
from.
From somewhere outside the maze, Jess and Hannah
thought they could hear the presenter alien announcing something and the
audience cheering.
They rounded a corner and came to a fork in the path. Standing in the two
pathways were Daniel Johns chatting to Sean Astin and Chris Joannou having a
natter to Patrick Marber.
"CRYPTIC." Jess scowled.
"That's so damn mean!" Hannah squeaked. Then, "Ah, hell. Daniel." She
started walking towards him.
"No! Hannah! It's all a TRICK!" Jess yelled.
"But JEEEEEEESS...!"
"NO!"
Hannah put her hands on her hips.
"It's DANIEL!"
"It's NOT Daniel! None of them are real; it's entertainment for
these SICK-ARSE aliens!"
There was a gasp from outside the maze from the audience.
"SOD this, give me a leg up, quick." Jess demanded. Hannah linked her hands and
Jess stepped into them and jumped up as high as she could against the maze wall.
She managed to grip the top of the wall and pull herself up, kicking her legs up
and over so that she fell down on the other side.
"I DID it!" She yelled with glee. "I'm OUT!"
"You're not supposed to...to get OUT!" The presenter alien said, bemused.
"You didn't bank on me being SUPER-JESS!" Jess said, smugly.
The presenter narrowed his eyes.
"Release the turtles."
A small door in a nearby wall opened and approximately 200 randy turtles were
let loose and made a beeline for Jess.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAA! NOOO!" Jess turned and fled.
"What the bloody hell's going on?!" Hannah had made a pyramid by placing
Silverchair in a line on their hands and knees, then positioning Patrick Marber
and Kurt above them, and then balancing a rather frightened Kelly Jones right up
on top. She clambered up to reach the wall.
"Hannah, don't tread on my FACE."
"Sorry, Ben."
"Careful!"
"Sorry, Patrick."
"OW!"
"Sorry, Kelly."
Hannah finally reached the wall and leapt up over it, falling onto the ground on
the other side with a bump.
"HANNAH! HELP ME!" Hannah looked around and spotted Jess being pursued by
several hundred randy turtles.
"HANG ON, J, I'M COMIN'!" Hannah ran after her and started booting turtles out
of the way left, right and centre.
The audience were going mental by this stage, whooping, cheering, and chanting
'J and H! J and H!' repeatedly.
"Let's get the HELL out of here!" Jess sobbed in terror as Hannah drew level
with her.
Suddenly, as they circled the studio for the 50th time, a door opened and Chris
Barrie appeared through it.
"THIS WAY!" He yelled.
"YOU TOOK YOUR GODDAMN TIME!" Hannah yelled at him.
They sped through the door and Chris pulled it shut with a bang. Turtles slammed
into it on the other side noisily.
"Quick, they'll be coming for you soon!" Chris said, trying to lead them away
into what was now clearly backstage.
"WAIT!" Jess said, stopping in her tracks. "How do we know that you're the REAL
Chris?"
"Yeah!" Realisation dawned on Hannah. "Yeah, you could be another one of..." She
looked back at the door suspiciously. "THEM."
"Well, you're not going anywhere if you don't trust me." Chris observed.
"LOOK!" Jess cried, suddenly, pointing behind Chris. "A BENTLEY!"
Chris whirled around. "WHERE?!"
"It's him." Jess concluded.
"Let's go." Hannah grabbed them and all three ran out.
� Jess and
Hannah 2003-2004
(Yes, that's right, it took us 18 months)