"Come through!" An alien came forward and ushered them into the huge hangar.
"I am so freaked out." Jess announced.
"Join the club." Hannah looked around at the aliens. Some were wearing t-shirts with Jess or Hannah's faces on. Some had banners with quotes from The Book on too.
Jess looked up ahead. There were two thrones up on a platform.
"No FREAKIN' WAY." Jess gaped.
"Take your places in your rightful seats, as our QUEENS!" The alien leading them said.
"Oh boy." Jess was pushed into one of the thrones by several little aliens.
"What about ME?" Chris asked, hovering by the thrones.
"Get lost, INFIDEL!" Said an alien wearing a t-shirt saying: 'JESS + KURT 4EVER'.

Jess and Hannah were shown to a lavish room after they had sat on their thrones and had been subjected to a long and bizarre ceremony involving songs, dances, and a parade based on them.
"These are your quarters." Said the alien showing them in.
"Erm...where's Chris/" Jess asked.
"You can stay here in complete luxury." The alien continued.
"Um...sorry - where's Chris?" Jess repeated.
"If you require ANYTHING, just ask." The alien added.
"Sorry to keep coming back to this, but - WHERE'S CHRIS?" Jess asked again.
The alien walked out.
"I don't LIKE this, Hannah." Jess said, looking around the room nervously.
Hannah looked at the twin beds which had Jess and Hannah duvet covers and matching pillow cases.
"Me neither." She inspected the framed pictures on the wall of 'her men'. Jimmy, Josh, Chris J, Ben, Daniel, Kelly...
"Hannah, LOOK!" Jess pointed to a computer in the corner of the room and ran over to it. She tapped a few keys, then froze.
"What?" Hannah came over. "What is it?!"
"Fan fiction." Jess paled. "And it's SLASH."
Hannah gasped and covered Jess's eyes with her hands. "Get AWAY from the SCREEN!!" Hannah wheeled Jess's office chair away from the computer and towards a window. She withdrew her hands and announced: "Look at the beauty and INNOCENCE!"
Jess opened her eyes and looked out of the window to see several hundred red aliens outside waving at her. One was holding a huge blow-up model of Jimmy. "ARGHHH!" Jess screamed. "That's not beautiful!"
"I know! It was just better than that!" Hannah shuddered at the thought of the slash online. To put her mind at rest she picked up the lamp sitting next to her and threw it at the screen, smashing it.
"Something wrong?!" A small red alien poked his head through the door.
"No."
"Are you sure, Queen Hannah?"
"Yes."
"Sure?!"
"YES! You can leave now, please!" Hannah said impatiently.
"If you need anything else-"
"THANK YOU!!"
The red alien left.
"Look, I know I'm horribly biased, but I think we should go and find Chris." Jess said.
"Well, I'm impartial but I suppose there's nothing better to do around here."
"Yey!" Jess ran out of the door and down the corridor, knocking the small red alien over.
"Wait up!" Hannah ran after her.

"Where do you think he is?" Hannah asked as they walked around outside with great difficulty. Well, they were the top celebrities of this scary planet so moving around was sort of like trying to move a moped through a small lane full of cows.
"Trust me, if I knew, we'd be there." Jess answered.
They were walking down a street full of shops and aliens. Up on one of the towers was a large TV screen. On it was a red alien with a posh hair style who was talking to the camera. Suddenly, the camera panned across to a clapping audience and then focused on a door, out of which came Chris.
"Look!" Hannah pointed.
Jess stared, open-mouthed at the screen as Chris waved amiably at the audience and sat down next to the alien, appearing to answer questions.
"He's on a CHAT SHOW!" Jess yelped.
"Quick! Let's find the studio and get him." Hannah said.
"More like let's get a video on to record this interview!" Jess said, lapping it up.
Hannah grabbed her and dragged her, with difficulty, away down the road.

"Excuse me?"
Hannah was pissed. She had been trying to get information out of this bunch of aliens for 30 minutes and all they'd done was stare at her, open-mouthed.
"I'm going to ask you ONE MORE TIME." Hannah said. "PLEASE. Do you know the whereabouts of THIS man?" She held up one of Jess's Red Dwarf DVDs.
"I do." Said a voice at the back of the crowd of aliens.
"You DO?!" Jess jumped forward. "WHERE? Where is he?" She asked, desperately. "Is he OK?!"
"I'm not telling you." The alien went quiet.
"You little..." Hannah grabbed him. "If you know where he is, you GODDAMN TELL ME!"
"H...H...HANNAH IS TOUCHING ME!" The alien stammered.
"Woooooooooo..." The other aliens watched in wonder.
"TELL US WHERE CHRIS IS, YOU LITTLE BASTARD, OR SHE'LL DO MORE THAN TOUCH YOU!" Jess screamed.
There was a silence.
"You really like him...don't you?" One of the aliens said.
"Well...I..." Jess went pink, then purple, then sort of...black.
"Let it all out, mate." Hannah said, patting Jess on the back. "Jess let it all out."
"YES!" Jess erupted. "YES, ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I ADMIT IT! I REALLY LIKE HIM AND THE THOUGHT OF HIM BEING IN POSSIBLE DANGER MAKES ME FEEL DESPERATE TO THE POINT OF TEEEARS!"
There was a silence.
"Do...do you like him more than...more than Patrick?" One alien asked.
"What?" Jess looked incredulous.
"Is he more important to you than...say...Sean?" Another alien asked.
"Jess considered this.
"Yes." She said, in a small voice.
The aliens gasped, looked at each other, then formed a small huddle.
After a second they turned back to Jess and Hannah.
"We have decided that, because of the special circumstances, and due to the importance of this person to Queen Jess, we will take you to the TV Studio where he is."
"Thank Christ!" Hannah and Jess followed the group of aliens down the road quickly.