“How about him?” Hannah nudged Jess's elbow.
“He's not blue.”
“He's wearing a blue shirt.”
“Nope.”
“Hmm. Well, I might have that one, then.” Hannah took out a pen and paper and wrote down 'man in blue shirt'.
“HANNAH! You can't have a list! That's verging on the immoral!”
“Shut up and pick someone.”
Jess sighed and looked around. Maybe if a load of people were arriving that evening then her red herring might miraculously appear…but she wasn't going to hold her breath.
“I've got 'im.” Hannah leapt up.
“What? Already?! Where?” Jess craned her neck to try and spot the guy.
“At the back there. The blonde one.”
“The one with the guitar?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Not ANOTHER rock star, Hans.”
“He might NOT be. He might just play the guitar. Play rock on the guitar. And be in a band-“
“Maybe you should go for someone completely different.” Jess suggested. “How about him?” She indicated to a guy with glasses sitting in the corner reading a copy of Bleak House.
“Ha. I think NOT.” Hannah headed off towards the blonde guy. “I'm on the prowl. Don't disturb me.”
Jess rolled her eyes and turned back to the bar.
“Can I get you anything?” Asked the barman.
“No, I'm not allowed. My friend says I have to wait here until someone BUYS me one.”
“Oh.” The guy gave her a sympathetic look and carried on drying a glass with the white cloth he was holding.
Jess sighed. This was ultimately humiliating. Nothing was going to happen, she thought, absolutely ridi-
“'Ello.” A man said in a foreign accent, beside her.
“KURT?” Jess shrieked, seeing a blue man beside her.
“Ahh no!” The chap replied happily in what sounded like an ancient Germanic sounding German-like accent. “My name is Burt.”
“ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!” Jess emitted an extremely loud scream.
BAMF!
“ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!” Jess hopped off her stool as Nightcrawler appeared beside her.
“Ooh, Guten tag.” Nightcrawler said. “Who are you?”
“My name is Burt.”
“Guten tag! My name is Kurt.”
“ARGHHHHHH!!!”
Jess got onto another stool simply so she could fall off again.
“Are you ok?” Asked Burt, leaning down to help her up.
“Um…um…oh, good lord.” Jess searched the crowds frantically with her eyes for Hannah. She spotted her dancing rather indiscreetly over to the blonde guy.
“What do I do?” Jess mouthed to her.
“FILRT!” Hannah mouthed back. Jess looked quizzical.
“What's that?!” She didn't get any other guidance from Hannah as she was picked up by two blue 2-digit hands and pulled to her feet.
“Are you ok?” Burt repeated.
Jess decided the best course of action was to copy Hannah's behaviour from the last 5 books…
She tripped over her own feet on purpose and landed on top of Burt, knocking him to the floor.
“OH! Oh, I'm sorry, what a KLUTZ I am…”

Hannah finally reached her target.
“Hi! I'm Hannah, what's your name?” She asked the blonde guy who looked a bit like Grant, now she came to think about it.
“Hi,” He said, smiling. “I'm Slant.”
Hannah stared at him.
“SLANT?”
“Yeah.”
“That's a weird name.”
“Yeah, well.”
“Any particular reason for you having such a weird name?”
“Well…” Slant looked shifty. “No.”
Suddenly Hannah saw a familiar face through the crowd. It was Grant. She grinned to herself.
“Showtime.”
“Really? Great! I've been wondering where some good entertainment would be found round here.” Slant started. “Silence.” Hannah ordered.
Slant looked shocked.
“Don't worry, I'm quite commandeering but you'll get used to it.” Hannah said.
Slant smiled. “Oh, really?!” He winked.
Hannah tried not to visibly grimace and hoped that Grant would get his arse into gear because she didn't know how much more of this Slant bloke she could take.
“Hey hey!” He winked at her again.
“Oh dear God!!” She yelped.
“What?” Slant asked.
“Nothing…just…kiss me.” She grabbed a hold of Slant as Grant walked past. She prayed that this would work.
Grant did a double take.
“HANNAH?!”
“Oooh, hi, Grant,” Said Hannah, holding a still puckered Slant at arm's length. “This is Slant. Say hi…” She had started to feel quite wobbly…this Slant guy must have been utterly plastered, because she felt light-headed by the SMELL of him.
“But…who is he?” Grant asked.
“He's SLANT,” Hannah tutted. “I TOLD you.”
“But…when did you meet him?!” Grant looked an interesting mixture of shocked, concerned and annoyed (which was rather cute, she noticed).
“About 3 minutes ago.”
Grant grabbed Hannah's arm and pulled her aside.
“Hannah, don't you think it's a bit DANGEROUS to go off with random, unsavoury men you've only known for three minutes?!”
“You're right, Grant, I've seen the error of my ways,” Hannah threw herself on him and clutched at his shirt. “I need guidance, Grant! GUIDE ME!”
Grant steered her towards the bar. When the bartender looked up from his glass-drying, Grant said: “On coffee, please.”
“I'm not DRUNK, Grant!!” Hannah said.
“Mmm.” Grant looked back at the Slant character and shuddered. “Did you actually kiss him?”
“Well, not exactly.” Hannah started.
“We might need to get a mouth swab – you might have caught something.”
“Oh, for God's sake, Grant!!”
“There's nothing wrong with being safe.” Grant said. “Here's your coffee.” He pushed it across the bar to her.
“I don't drink coffee.” Hannah uttered, fed up.
“Fair enough.” Grant knocked it back himself.
“When I said I needed 'guidance' I didn't mean for you to become a BORING OLD FART!” Hannah muttered under her breath.
“What?”
“Oh, NOTHING.” Hannah slumped at the bar moodily and ordered a triple vodka.
“You won't find the answer to your…issues…at the bottom of a bottle.” Grant commented as Hannah downed her drink in one.
“It's not a bottle, it's a GLASS.” She retorted.
“Why were you hanging around with that guy, anyway?”
Hannah laughed. “Oh, it's all part of the PLAN.”
“Plan?”
“Yes. The PLAN.” She indicated to the barman to get her another drink but he didn't seem to see her.
“What plan?”
“It's secret; I can't tell you.” Hannah said. “But I CAN tell you that it's not going TOO WELL at the moment.” She suddenly leant right over the bar. “OI! Can I have another drink, PLEASE?!”
“Ok, love, I'll get it just after I've done this tomato juice.” The guy said.
“Great.” Hannah suddenly stopped in her tracks. “TOMATO JUICE?!” She cried. “OH NO!”