Across the bar from Grant and Hannah, Jess stood tearing her hair out – Kurt and Burt were discussing what a benefit it had been when the German government had introduced the Deutschemark.
“One tomato juice, love.” The bartender pushed it across the bar surface.
Jess sighed. In the end, it all comes to this, she thought.
Suddenly something hit her on the side of the head. Not something big, mind, only a small thing. Another and another followed. She saw the things fall to the floor and recognised them as peanuts. She searched for the culprit amongst the faces and saw Grant and Hannah with a bowl beside them.
“Oi! Do you KNOW how much trace of urine there is in bar peanuts?!!” She yelled.
“Pardon me for interrupting.” The tender leant over the top. “But this is a very clean bar.”
“No it isn't.” Said Kurt.
“Ja! There is an awful guy there.” Burt pointed at Slant.
“Yeah, well? What's it to you?!” The bartender stomped off. Fed up with the accusations, and receiving several peanuts on the back of the head as he went from Hannah.
Jess was going to make a dive for her tomato juice but suddenly heard a beep from her pocket. She pulled out her phone to see she had a message. It read: “DON'T YOU DARE!” so she decided against drinking the glass of red liquid that sat in front of her.
She decided to make a last futile attempt at the red herring plan and went over to sit on Burt's tail on the floor. He was somewhat surprised and lifted it up, plus Jess, to eye level.
“Can I help you?” He asked.
“Pay attention to me.” She demanded in a small voice.
“I'm talking to Kurt at the moment but I'll pay attention to you in a minute.” He tilted his tail and she slid slowly to the floor. He then patted her on the head (also with his tail) and turned back to Kurt.
Jess stomped over to Hannah.
“It isn't working-“ She cut herself off. Hannah was sitting on Grant's lap. “Oi!”
“She got up here. I've had nothing to do with it.” Grant said, helplessly. Jess went back, got her tomato juice and returned.
“Sod this.” She muttered.
“Don't give up now, Jess! Look! You're going really well!” Hannah and Jess looked over at Kurt and Burt whose tails were playing hide and seek around their owner's legs. “Ok, maybe not.” Hannah continued.
“I want a tail.” Said Jess.
“No you don't.” Said Grant.
“Excuse me?!” Jess looked up in surprise.
“Many young girls make decisions they'll regret later in their lives: tattoos, piercings, breast enlargements and…” He paused. “Tails.”
“Shut up, Grant.” Jess said.
Grant looked sad.
“Don't worry! I still love you!” Hannah said, hugging him.
“Don't touch me.”
“I'm on your lap; it's somewhat unavoidable.”
Grant stood up, causing Hannah to slide off his lap. He gave her a smug look and began to walk off.
“NO! Come BACK! Dammit!” Hannah took Jess's tomato juice and downed it crossly.
“OI!”
“Sorry, J, but these are desperate times.” Hannah slumped on the bar stool. “We need a new plan. This one doesn't appear to be working.”
“You're not kidding.” Jess muttered.
“Follow me back to the restaurant. I'm preparing Plan B.” Hannah said, mysteriously.

They reached the restaurant a few minutes later. The windows were dark. Hannah took a key out of her pocket and unlocked the door.
“That's strange.” She pushed the door hard. “It won't open.”
“Why not?”
“Dunno. It feels like there's something blocking it from the other side.” Hannah reached in her bag and pulled out her mobile. She pressed a button and used the light it emitted to peer through the window.
“Oh my God.”
“What?” Jess asked, leaning over to see.
The whole room was FILLED with plates of curry. And I mean filled.
“No wonder I couldn't get the door open.” Hannah muttered.
They thought they could hear an extremely muffled: “Pukka!” from under all the plates but they weren't sure.
“Well, this solves a problem.” Hannah said, cheerily.
“Huh?” Asked Jess.
“Well, now we can abandon Plan B for Plan C.”
“What's Plan C?”
“Well…” Hannah looked mischievous. “We don't have anywhere to live now, do we? So it would be only gentlemanly of a certain two men on the station to take us in…” She grinned.
“Oh, for the love of Robin Hood.” Jess looked in the windows of the restaurant to hear a faint sound of Toploader floating through the curries from the kitchen.
“Guess he'll just have to eat his way out.” Hannah said, sadly.
“I'm not going to stay with Kurt.” Said Jess, sounding definite.
“Why not?”
“Look, I'm not having him see how I look first thing in the morning. I've got to have a guaranteed contractual marriage before that.”
“Hmm. Good thinking.” Hannah said. “So where now?”
“Well, there's only one other person we know around here. However unwell.”

Jess knocked a few more times on the door. After a while, lights came on inside and the door opened slowly.
“What do you want? My super-CD sale doesn't start 'till tomorrow!” Natalie croaked.
“Our home has been filled with CURRIES!” Jess explained.
“Is she alright in the head?!” Natalie asked Hannah, eyeing Jess suspiciously.
“Not really. Look, Nat- can I call you Nat?” Natalie was about to shake her head but Hannah just kept on talking. “I know that you and I have had our differences in the past, but-“
“You tried to kill me.”
“Um…yes.”
“TWICE.”
“Look, it was just-“
“And you tried to steal my boyfriend!”
“Well-“
“TWICE!” Natalie screamed.
“Oh, forget it then, you psycho-BITCH!” Hannah stomped off. Jess was about to follow when she heard a sound behind her…
BAMF!