"Ok...so we mix this sodium tricolate with this can of diet coke, and then..." Xander dripped a blob of coke onto the pile of white powder. There was a poof and a puff of smoke.
"Ok...I hate to belittle you in front of everyone, Xander, but THAT is not going to blast Gregory into space," said Ben, sarcastically.
"ACTUALLY, Benjamin," said Xander. "I will of course be multiplying the quantities of both the coke and the sodium tricolate, so the effect will be much increased." Xander smiled smugly.
"Whatever you do, hurry up about it," said Jess. "I think he's waking up.
Otto helped Xander to make a big pile of sodium tricolate powder (courtesy of Ben's jumper) and then carried Gregory's limp body over to the pile.
"Ok, everyone," said Xander, clutching a can of diet coke. "Stand back."
He cracked open the can and poured.

The next thing Jess realised, was that she was lodged butt-first in a plant pot back by the house. By her calculations (which weren't very mathematical) that meant she had been thrown backwards 15 metres butt-first. Oh well, worse things happen at sea.
"Hey, look it worked!!" Hannah shouted from somewhere behind her in a bush.
Jess looked up and saw that sure enough it had worked. At least it did for a while...
"Oh crap, it's coming back down again!!!" Otto screamed, his butt stuck in the half open kitchen window.
The rocket had gotten quite a far way up before it started to nose-dive. There was an enormous bang as Gregory crashed back down to Earth.
"Well, if he wasn't dead before, he is now," Ben said, followed by an evil cackle.
"I guess I forgot the essential ingredient..." Xander said thoughtfully.
"And what's that?"
"A rocket."
Jess decided to stay lodged in the flowerpot - it might be more interesting.
Otto ran over to the body.
"Well he's not breathing. Oh...oh wait." Otto stamped on Gregory's face, hard. "No, he's not breathing, now."
"All this VIOLENCE," Jess muttered, shaking her head.
"Aww. Do you want mummy to cover your ickle eyes?" Ben began.
Jess punched him.
"Now we have to get rid of this body," said Otto.
"How are we going to do that?" asked Hannah, scratching her head (she had an itch).
"Aw, no problem - I've done it all before many times," said Otto, matter-of-factly.
"I want my mummy to cover my eyes," whined Jess, running to Ben.
"Fetch me a bin liner and a shovel," said Otto to Hannah.
"Shovel?" she repeated.
"Yes. I need to bury it in the garden."
"Not in my garden!" Jess squealed.
"Jess, you don't have a garden. It's a hole in the ground."
"It's a hole...but it's MY HOLE!" Jess paused for thought. "Stay away from my hole!"
There were a few crash and bangs from the shed and a few terracotta pots narrowly missed Gregory's dead body as Hannah rooted around. "Jess I must commend you on the high level of crap that you have in here..." Another pot went flying followed shortly by a spade. "AHA!!" Hannah jumped out.
"Where?! Can I have their signatures?!!" Xander got all excited.
"Un spade-o!" Hannah presented the rusty implement to Otto.
"I asked for a shovel," Otto said unamused.
"You asked for that, but you get this, so shove it!!" She pushed it into his grip.
"But I can't! It's not a shovel."
"SHOVE...IT!!"
"BUT-"
"I'M THE ONE HOLDING THE SHOVEL HERE SO WATCH WHAT YOU SAY!!" Hannah screamed.
"YOU SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN THE FACT THAT I'M HOLDING IT TOO!!" Otto retorted. "AND IT'S NOT A SHOVEL! IT'S A SPADE!!"
"Whatever." Hannah shrugged and walked off leaving Otto with the spade. He began to dig.
Jess sniffed. "I used to have a bird bath there," she remembered nostalgically.
"Now you have a bird caving complex," Otto replied, enlarging the hole.
"Birds don't like caving," Ben said thoughtfully.
"But miners used to take canaries into mines, didn't they?" said Hannah.
"Not out of choice, Hannah - they were in cages," Ben muttered.
"Oh."
"This should be deep enough." Otto stopped digging. "Shove him in a bin-liner and pass him over here."
Ben dropped Gregory into the black bag being held open by Xander and passed it to Otto.
"Right. Ashes to ashes, space slime to space slime, etc." Otto said unceremoniously, as he dropped Gregory into the hole. "Give me a hand to fill the hole back in."
The others kicked and scraped the mud back into the hole, slowly covering Gregory's body.
"He was a good friend..." Hannah started with a sniff.
"Hannah...you only met him a couple of hours ago."
"Well...y'know...still..."
Otto stamped the mud down and smiled with satisfaction. "Ah...it's been a long time," he commented with a sigh.
"Promise me you'll NEVER leave me alone with him," Jess whispered to Ben.

<< back to Book 3.4

� Jess and Hannah 2002