Little after four hours since they had all been sitting on the log and Harry had tootled along (slowly), they all arrived back at the Wizard's house. The Wizard was only 10 miles from the log (yes, we're not sure of the logistics either), but they had to make several stops for Lion who simply couldn't clench his bottom muscles tight enough.
Everybody piled out of the car, Lion piled behind a tree, and all filed to the Wizard's door.
'TAP TAP TAP!'
Nobody opened the door.
'TAP TAP TAP!'
Still, nobody answered.
'TAP TAP TAP!'
Nothing.
"I'm going to have to get knuckle dusters soon," commented Harry, knocking again.
A window above them was flung open and out popped the old man's head. "What the bloody hell do you want?"
"Nice to meet you too…" groaned Harry. "…I'm beginning to wish I'd never come back."
Otto screamed up to the old man, "Get his royal bloody highness down here or we'll take his pet possum and…and…" Otto trailed off, stuck for terrorising thoughts.
Jess, sitting on the floor, tapped him on the knee and when he bent down, whispered in his ear.
Otto stood up and grinned. "OR WE'LL TAKE HIS BLOODY POSSUM AND SHOVE IT UP-"
A large truck went past and blared its horn.
"You taught her that you dirty disgrace of a father!" Ben slapped Xander.
"I'll…see if he's in," said the old man, backing away into the depths of the courtyard.
"How long do you think we'll have to wait," asked Lee, tapping his foot and trying to look through the old man's spy-hole.
"Not long, I hope," Lion commented, from his position behind a suit of armour. He didn't realise the suit was occupied until it was too late…
The old man returned and poked his head out at them again.
"WHAT do you want?!"
"We already told you!" Hannah exclaimed in exasperation. "We're here to see the Wizard!"
"You just went to get him!" Otto exclaimed, furious.
"Oh…oh, yes. Sorry," the old man said, apologetically. "I passed the castle kitchens on the way and the cook had just made these delicious cinnamon muffins…"
"GO!" everyone screamed at him. He disappeared post haste.
Five minutes later the old man returned munching on a cinnamon muffin.
"He says he can't see you," he scoffed some more muffin.
"Did you tell him about our threat against his precious possum?" Otto asked.
"Oh no, forgot about that." The old man practically spat most of his muffin out whilst talking.
"Well tell him we'll chop off his possum's head and put it in his bed if he doesn't see us all."
The old man looked at Otto in shock.
"Oh forget it!" They all barged past into the courtyard and up some spiral staircases with Harry leading. Worryingly, he seemed to know the way to the boy's bedroom without hesitation. They walked along a corridor and Harry knocked on the boy's door which had a large 'KEEP OUT' sign on the door.
"GO AWAY!" the wizard shouted through the keyhole.
Jess shoved her finger through it and they heard an 'OW!' then the door opened.
"What do you want?" the Wizard asked, a hand over one eye.
"We bought you your stupid possum," Otto said. "Now change Jess and Hannah back."
The Wizard suddenly ran out, between Otto's legs and disappeared down the stairs.
"You'll have to catch me first!" he yelled as he careered into the grand hallway at the bottom of the stairs.
"Oh, now I'm p*ssed!" Otto tried to run after the Wizard but Ben caught his arm.
"Hey - you clearly don't know how to handle kids. Let me do it."
"Oh, because you're the MODEL parent!" Xander snorted, sarcastically.
Ben pulled a face and went down the stairs to exert his parenting skills. Suddenly they all heard him shout, "LISTEN TO ME, YOU LITTLE SH*T! IF YOU DON'T COME HERE AND CHANGE THEM BACK, I'LL KICK YOUR HEAD IN!"
"That is the RIGHT way to handle children," Hannah observed.
"I'm not listening to this," Xander said, clapping his hands over his ears. "Jess, you and me are going to go on a long holiday when we get home, and it's likely that you're not going to see mummy for a long time."
Jess burst into tears and tried to wipe her nose on Hannah's trouser leg, but Hannah kicked her out of the way.
Ben came stomping up the stairs pulling the Wizard along by his right ear.
"I'm going to turn you into a hamster!" the Wizard cried at Ben.
"Told you so," Harry said knowingly to Xander.
"Look you little squirt," snapped Otto. "If you don't turn these two around, give that bloody Lion continence and chat to this man, I'll pierce your butt cheeks together!"
Wizard pulled out his wand and there was a flash.
"NO! I said I'd pierce YOUR butt-cheeks, you evil b*st*rd!" Otto squeaked.
The Wizard laughed and skipped from Otto's grasp, before turning back towards the group and turning Harry into a banana.
"You can't stop me! I am the Wizard of SofaLand!" he yelled, clambering up onto a chair.
"Will you get down from there and do what you promised?" Lee shouted at him.
"NO!" The Wizard stuck his tongue out at them. "I'm going to go eat cinnamon muffins!" He suddenly wobbled on the chair and fell over the arm and onto the ground with a thump. There was an ominous silence before he began wailing and clutching his leg. "OOW!" he screamed, tears flying in all directions. "I WANT MY MUMMY!"
"Ben, DON'T," Xander said, catching his arm.
"Will you stop fiddle-arsing around and change them back, now?" Otto yelled at him. "Or do I have to graze the other knee?!"
"No! I'll do it!" the Wizard sobbed. He waved his wand weakly and there was a flash.

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� Jess and Hannah 2002