"What the hell do you want?!" the Wizard of SofaLand said, walking in wearing seriously over-sized robes.
"Language!" Hannah exclaimed. "Who on Earth taught you that?"
"What? It was just 'hell'. What's your problem with saying 'hell'?"
"It was the way you said it," Hannah scolded.
"Look, change them back. NOW!" Otto shouted.
The Wizard burst into tears and ran to his bedroom slamming the door behind him.
"Oh, well done, Otto," said Jess, forgetting the sarcasm.
"Are you serious?" Otto raised his eyebrow at Jess.
"I don't know anymore," Jess sighed.
"Look. I'm not sure." Hannah sighed. "I'm not sure if I want my brain back.
Everyone gasped.
"But who can I talk to about Cradle of Filth? Marilyn Manson? Amen?!" Otto hysterically asked.
"Oh, I can still talk about them. Sure. I just can discuss the pros and cons of men wearing heavy PH'ed makeup and concealer."
Everyone turned to Jess.
"What!" she exclaimed, seeing everyone looking at her.
"Do you want it back?" asked Peter.
"Do I want what back?" she asked.
"Your...BRAIN...?" Ben said, slowly.
"My what?"
"YOUR...BRAIN...?" Xander repeated, ultra-slowly.
"Sorry, this is all way over my head. Could you talk a bit slower, please?"
Xander smacked his head against the wall.
"Eeeeeee!" Spike squeaked at Jess who nodded and said:
"Oh, I see. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" She turned back to everyone. "I guess I'd quite like my brain back....I'm not really that bothered."
"That's good enough for me." Lee banged on the Wizard's bedroom door. "COME OUT HERE, you little SH*T!" Lee screamed.
"Yeah...come out or we'll...tell your parents!!" Ben added.
"I'LL SMASH THE BLOODY DOOR IN!" Otto yelled.
The door opened a crack. "Y...y...yes?" the Wizard asked, petrified.
"Hi." Lee cleared his throat. "Could you change Jess and Hannah back to normal, please?"
"And could you come up with a better solution as to how to get home, please?" Xander added.
"Can I have a new pelvis?" Lion called, dragging himself along the floor, dripping a trail of urine behind him.
"There was something else as well," nuttered Ben, thinking hard. "Hang on a second." Ben reached for Hannah's back pocket of her jeans for the list.
The slap could be heard in the field of cows.
"It was men...famous ones," Xander whispered to Ben. "But don't mention it otherwise we'll delay going home.
"Ben nodded in agreement whilst rubbing the large red slap mark across the right side of his cheek.
The little boy looked at the group of travellers. "You have to wait until tomorrow. Sorry." He added at the end looking at Otto.
"WHY?" Otto screamed.
"Well...I er, have to wait for a day until I can perform another spell...otherwsie I'll be told off...you can go and shop in the Sapphire City shops to waste away time."

"Stupid juvenile wizards," Otto muttered. Him and Hannah were standing in a music shop, looking around. Hannah was discussing Beethoven's piano sonatas with a young man who was clearly out of his depths. He kept nodding his head once every minute just to keep in the debate which Hannah was holding entirely by herself.

Meanwhile, Jess was in the comedy store trying to read a book of 'The World's Funniest 1000 Jokes'. She wasn't being entertained however. She sighed turning yet another page with no laughter. "I just don't get it."
"Ok, basically, let me read it to you." Ben tried to get Jess to understand, "What's brown and sticky?"
"Jess shrugged.
"A stick!" Ben said enthusiastically.
Jess, however, looked glum. "I don't get it," she said.
"Alright. Well what is it implying?"
"What's 'implying'?"
"No, what is it implying?"
"What's 'implying'?" Jess repeated.
Ben smacked his head against a shelf on the bookcase. "IT'S IMPLYING THAT IT'S SH*T!!"
Jess went very quiet, then laughed hysterically. "YOU...YOU SAID 'SH*T'!" She rolled around on the floor in hysterics.
"Xander, would you go and get some tranquilizers from the hunting shop down the road?" Ben asked.
Peter and Spike, meanwhile, were at the video rack, looking at their own videos.
Suddenly a Japanese man ran up to Peter. "Are you..."
"NO."
"Aw." The man turned away and disappeared.
Then another Japanese man came over to Spike. "Greetings...are you-"
"NO."
"Aw..."

Later that evening, everyone met up to find a hotel. They ended up discovering a small Bed & Breakfast near to the Wizard of SofaLand's house.
"Hmm convenient!" Lee commented, then added. "Oh yeah, I built it."
It was run by...yes, horses. And when they all asked for a room each, the brown horse almost fainted claiming that they were the only customers they had had all year. Sure enough, evidence of this was present when they entered their rooms to find a layer of dust covering everything. Everybody was pleased with their room, except for Peter whose window looked out onto a wall - the end of SofaLand.
He was still moaning when they all met up for dinner in the hotel's restaurant.
"If you hate it that much, there's room for two in my room..." Jess said.
"Um...no, I don't think so," said Ben. "If there's going to be dispute, I'll swap with you."
"YOU'LL share my room?" asked Jess.
"NO! I'll swap with Peter."
"Oh," said Jess. "Damn."
"Why wouldn't they give me an en suite bathroom?" Lion moaned, crossing his legs under the table.
Because you're a Lion," said Hannah. "Belonging to the Feline family of cats, originating in South Afric-"
"Should you be eating curry?" Otto asked Lion. "It's not good for the digestive system."
"Oh...oh, GOD!" Lion ran from the table and out of the room.
Otto looked over at Hannah and patted the chair beside him now left spare.
"What are you insinuating?" Hannah asked him.
Otto had no idea what 'insinuating' meant, so he took pot luck and replied, "Do you want to come and sit next to me?"
Peter who was sitting next to Hannah gave Otto a big thumbs up and mouthed 'Yes!' - for he was very bored of Hannah's talks of the conflicts in the Middle East and the few benefits to which the Iron Curtain by Russia brought to Poland and Hungary.
"No thank you. Quite happy enough over here!" she exclaimed.
Peter dropped his head into his scrambled egg.
"They both seem to be getting increasingly worse!" Ben commented to Xander quietly whilst watching Jess giggle herself silly looking at a napkin ring.
"Do you reckon he actually will change us back?" Hannah asked.
"With any luck," Spike weebled, shuffling away from Jess who kept squeezing his knee under the table.
"Do you think the Wizard would let me keep Jess' brain? Or just half of it?" Hannah asked.
"I doubt it," said Otto, touching up his eye makeup. "Oh...dammit! Could someone pass me a cotton bud?"
"I suggest we sleep on it. He said he'd sort it out tomorrow," said Xander.
Everyone agreed.
As they walked up the stairs a voice boomed around the hotel, "JESS! FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, I'M NOT SLEEPING IN YOUR BATH!"

<< back to Book 3.2

� Jess and Hannah 2002