Jess leapt through the trees, and leapt over logs, coconuts and the occasional banana. She reached the beach in a minute or two and heard the beeping and music of slot machines in one of the huts. She ran inside.
Hannah, blank-faced, was feeding coins into one of the machines, monotonously pulling the lever and watching the spinning symbols.
“Hannah – NO!” Visions of losing all their money and having to give back the island (and consequently Ian) flashed in front of Jess' eyes.
“I'm playing,” Hannah replied, feeding in more coins.
“Stop it!” Jess exclaimed. “You'll use up all our money!”
“I own the bloody casino! I can open the machine and get all the money out when I'm done.”
“Then what's the point in gambling?!” Jess asked, exasperated.
“It's fun when I win.”
“But it's your money anyway!” Jess was almost hysterical.
“You really just don't understand, do you, Jess?” Hannah said, patronisingly. “I'll explain when you're older.”
Jess scowled under her breath, turned around and kicked one of the machines, which consequently burped out several hundred metal coins, which were all 10 strands (worth �1000 each). Ten famous people, including David Bowie, ran to her feet and started scooping up as many coins as possible. Jess glanced at her watch. “Hannah, it's tea-time… come and eat with us… please?” Jess got no reply and so turned around to face her, saying, “Come on, Hannah, you'll turn into Patr—” she trailed off as she saw who had come and sat down next to Hannah, holding a cup of 10 strand pieces.
“Thanks, Patrick,” said Hannah monotonously.
“No problem,” replied Patrick, pulling the lever.
“Patrick!” cried Jess. Thank the lord she hadn't finished that last sentence, or there'd have been HELL to pay.
“Hello,” he said.
“Hi…” Jess looked around in a panic. This was NOT good. “I'm going to go and… shampoo my goldfish… I won't be long.” She ran out of the hut, straight into Toby, Jimmy and Ian.
“What's up with you?” asked Jimmy. Jess and he still weren't getting on that well.
“God has turned on me! He hates me! The Earth is ended and we're all going to fall into a boiling river Styx!” she ran into the trees and consequently ran into a palm. A coconut came down and smacked her on the head. Everything suddenly seemed alright again… and also dark.

“Jess? Jess? Jess!” Jess slowly opened her eyes and Jimmy, Ian, Toby, Hannah and Tyke's faces came into focus.
“Oh, great. She's alright. I'd better go now, because Patrick's holding my machine for me.” Hannah ran out of the nurse room in the hotel towards the Casino Hut.
Tyke licked Jess's forehead and sat on her hair.
“ERLACK! GET THAT DOG OFF ME!” Tyke whimpered and ran off, closely followed by Toby. “Do you ever consider that that boy's life is controlled by his dog?” Jimmy and Ian nodded. “Should be the other way around.” They nodded again. “Hannah's got a gambling problem and Patrick Marber's back, and Patrick's gambling problem is back also…” Jess decided that now would be a good time to pass out again. She couldn't deal with this.

“Won anything yet?” asked Hannah, returning to the Casino Hut.
“No… there's no real excitement when I know you could open up the back and give me the money at any time… takes away the edge.”
“Oh, right.” Hannah wasn't listening. She had started on the roulette wheel.
Toby and Tyke entered and went over to Hannah. Tyke swallowed one of the roulette balls.
“Erm… Hannah?”
“What?”
“I was wondering—“
“What?”
“If you don't mind me asking—“
“WHAT?” Hannah screamed, placing all her chips on black 2.
“I wanted to know if you'd come over to the Star Bar with me and Tyke… for a drink?”
“Hannah no drink. Hannah WIN,” Hannah said blankly.
“Oh, right…” said Toby, drooping his head and walking out. Tyke hopped up onto the table and swallowed all of Hannah's chips on 24.
“Black 25 takes all!” cried the dealer. “That dog's a lucky terrier!” Everyone started chipping in at the game in the vain hope they'd win something. Tyke burped up a chip, happily full for the first time in his life. The chip landed on red 44 and took all the winnings. Tyke walked off with 10,000 strands in his mouth and took them to his b*tch.

“I don't know why I have to be the support post!” Jimmy grumbled as he crouched on the floor with Ian on top of him and Jess standing on Ian's shoulders.
“Shut up! That's the fortieth time in three minutes!” Jess cried desperately.
“Whatever! You know what? This is such deja-vu! But you weren't spying on him that time, it was him spying on you!”
“He said he was birdwatching!” Jess cried in disbelief.
“Yeah, well, he lied.” Jimmy concluded.
“The smarmy, lying b*st*rd.”
“I'm sorry?” Jimmy exclaimed.
“He can gamble himself into oblivion, for all I care!” Jess said, getting all upset and tearful.
“Oh, Christ, have you got your period again?” Jimmy asked.
“WHAT?!” Ian asked, thoroughly confused and ever so slightly sickened.
“NO, Jimmy, I HAVEN'T!” Jess scowled down at him and jumped off Ian's shoulders.
“Well, what's your problem, then?” Jimmy asked, meanly, straightening up and making Ian fall off his shoulders.
“You are so mean, Jimmy Joannou!” Jess shouted at him. “Just because Hannah doesn't like you any more you think that the rest of us have to suffer! You're bitter and twisted and it's NOT FAIR!” She sniffed, which was rather unattractive.
“Jesus, get a grip!” Jimmy snorted.
“For your information, the only three people I give a toss about around here have all deserted me, so I will not 'get a grip'! Hannah and Patrick spend all day gambling and the other person has an obsession with f***ing COCONUTS!” Jess paused for breath.
“Who, Toby?” Ian asked. Jess turned on him.
“NO, you bloody idiot! YOU!” she nearly exploded.
“Oh.”
“So THAT'S my problem!” Jess screamed at Jimmy. “You got a PROBLEM with that?!”
“Erm… no?” Jimmy replied.
“GOOD!” Jess turned around and stormed off back to the hotel.
“Oh my GOD!” sighed Jimmy, turning around to Ian who was wearing an expression of shock. “You alright, mate? She's pretty scary, isn't she?”
“I'M NOT!!!” came an echoing scream over the trees.
Ian, unfaultered by the shout, continued confused, “I'm not obsessed with coconuts… what on Earth gave her that idea?!”
Jimmy shook his head. “I'm more worried about what you're wearing, frankly.”
Ian looked down at himself.
“Y'know, you could get arrested in several countries for that.”
Ian laughed nervously. “Jess insisted that I wear it all the time. She said it makes her laugh and gives a professional look.”
“What?! A bloody Nazi uniform?”
“LEAVE HIM!” Jess screamed.
“Come with me,” Jimmy whispered, gesturing back through the forest.

<< back to Book 2.2

� Jess and Hannah 2002