
They were back in the
sphere. Hannah scrambled for the door handle and rolled out onto
the mauve carpet.
Wha Hannah felt dizzy and unable to finish a
sentence. Ah, it was nice to be back to normal again.
Hello, again, baby, said Austin, standing in front of
Hannah and Jess. You spent a long time travelling through
time we thought it was time we brought you back to
reality! Jess looked at the mauve carpet and the pink
walls.
Reality
yes
she said sarcastically.
It's getting late
you may go to your rooms now and
you'll be briefed on your mission tomorrow.,#148; said the
important looking man behind Austin.
This way, a woman in a pink and red checked gingham
dress indicated to a door to their left.
The girls traipsed
through. They were led into a
large circular room with three doors; one for Jess' bedroom, one
for Hannah's and the other they walked through now to get into
their living room.
Once the woman had left them, they stood dazed and shocked for a
while before Hannah screamed, Bagsy the right room!
And ran off. She ran straight out and screamed, They've got 'American
Woman' by The Guess Who!
The next morning they ate
breakfast in their circular lounge and walked off to meet Austin
as was planned at 10:10am. They met him
in the 'Totally Way Out Meeting Room' which was red and green.
He
looked as eccentric as usual, wearing a red velvet suit with a
lacy white cravat and lacy sleeves. Ok, babies, Austin said, looking excited. We're
on a mission to save Oxford.
Bit late for that, observed Jess.
But that's exactly it, baby! Austin exclaimed.
With our time machine we can go back and prevent it
happening. The evil mastermind who destroyed Oxford will only
truly be stopped if he never existed. We want to try and scrub
him out before he became evil.
So who is this person? asked Jess.
It's
Is it Dr Evil? asked Hannah.
No, it's
Fat B*st*rd? Jess inquired.
No, um, it's
Mini-me?
Bin Laden!
Hannah gasped,
Evil son of a b*tch!
Precisely baby! Austin said. Now, you two are
the best agents we've got
(actually, the only
ones)
anyway, you've got to go back in time and get
him!
Yeah baby! Yeah! Jess exclaimed.
Hannah looked at her
in shock.
Sorry
it's catching.
Five minutes later they had
both been briefed on all that they were to do and bring back.
There's something not quite right, commented Austin
when they were both ready to go. Can't you both change into
something a little more
60's?!
Hannah and Jess looked at each other, then Hannah said,
Just no catsuits, ok?
Hannah came out of the
changing room to a round of applause.
The entire company of the 'Secret Shagging Spy Service' had come
out to watch the two spies off, but first they had been ordered
to find something sixty'ish to put on, out of the changing room
selection
apparently it was tradition.
Hannah came out with purple flares, a psychedelic purple tight
halter-neck top and a cornflower blue bandana, with lilac makeup.
Underneath the flares were her trusty nike trainers of
course
what else?!
Jess was
wearing a pair of velvet black flares and a v-necked pink top.
You two look groovy, baby, yeah! Austin exclaimed.
Right, where are we going? asked Jess impatiently.
You're going back to just before Oxford was destroyed. You
have to catch Bin Laden's agents before they can plant the
bombs.
Right. Hannah leapt into the sphere. Let's
roll.
You always say that, and it usually ends with us in
trouble, Jess observed.
Chill out, dude! Peace! Hannah exclaimed,
holding two fingers up to Jess, sadly the wrong way around.
Don't forget the
remote baby, yeah!
I'LL take that! Jess snatched the remote from
Hannah's clutches. No more wacky adventures with Hannah, oh
no thank you! We're here to do a job
hear that
Hannah? J
O
B!
Hannah looked back blankly.
Give you the control and we'll end up in Daniel John's
bl**dy bedroom
Jess walked into the sphere which Hannah had just walked out of
and slammed the door.
Err
Jess! Wait for me! Hannah whined, knocking
on the door. Don't embarrass me like this! She
glanced cautiously at the S.S.S.S. company workers staring at
her.
Jess swung the door open, hitting Hannah in the face, yanked her
inside and slammed the door shut.
Hey, look! said Jess, opening
the sphere door. Hannah looked out.
HMV! It's still here! Hannah ran out in the road.
Oxford hasn't been blown up yet! Jess exclaimed.
We have to find the bomb or whatever.
Oh, yeah, and how are we going to do that? You got a
bomb detector in those flares?
Jess pulled a bomb detector
from her pocket. Austin gave it to me before we left. Jess flicked a
switch and a light on the object flashed. The faster the
flash, the closer the bomb, he said. Jess recalled.
I despair. I really do, said Hannah.
Are we in
Saturday morning then? Jess asked. She heard no reply but
the beeps of her bomb detector getting quieter.
Hannah?! Jess shouted back for her but there was only
silence.
Jess stomped back to where she had time-portalled to, to find
Hannah standing talking to a lad in an HMV costume and Hannah
appeared to be very much interested and hanging off every word he
said. The lad, who was wearing the compulsory purple shirt, had a
small terrier dog sitting beside him attached to a lead.
Jess approached and the terrier launched into action, diving at
her over-sized flares. Unfortunately there was more material than
leg and the dog flew past her leg and landed in a puddle.
Severely ruffled, the terrier launched a second attack, straight
at Jess' a*se.
� Jess and Hannah 2002