Jess sat in the library in a large plush leather chair beside Patrick who was satisfied with one of Pinter's plays.
"It's nice in here," commented Jess.
The old lady at the front desk let out a harsh, "Ssshhh!"
Jess blushed and twiddled her thumbs. "I hope Mik, Bruce and Cartman don't get too drunk," she said, quietly.
The librarian let out an even louder, "Ssshhh!" and glared at Jess.
Jess shuffled in her chair and the leather squeaked.
The librarian got up and walked over to her, lifting a card which said: 'PLEASE LEAVE THE LIBRARY; YOU'RE BEING TOO NOISY.'.
Jess stood up; turned the card around and held it up to the lady.
She covered her mouth and ran out of the room.
"Stupid cow," Jess concluded, frowning after her.
"Wow, you certainly told her," Patrick observed.
"Signs speak louder than words." She grinned smugly.
"So, what do you think about the satirical monologues in Pinter's 'The Caretaker'?" asked Patrick, changing the subject.
"'The Caretaker' isn't satirical!" Jess exclaimed.
"Yes it is!"
"It's NOT! You point out one ironic statement in that play!"
"Aston's monologue about the social—"
"No! No way is that satirical!"
"It is!"
"Is not…"

Hannah, meanwhile, was having a wail of a time shopping with Josh. She now had more clothes than she would ever wear.
"Let's go to the Myer Centre again!" said Hannah.
"Which one was that?!" said Josh, exasperated.
"The one with the dragon rollercoaster and arcades at the top."
"Oh, yeah… well… I am a little tired… since it is… oh my God!"
"What?"
"It's eleven."
"Why's that so amazing?"
"Well… I don't know… I just lost track of time."
"Sure… strange that it was dark when we arrived and it's still eleven."
"Yeah," Josh had got lost in the conversation somewhere around the Myer Centre bit.
They started walking back to The Novotel, which was one of the high rise towers only a few streets from the shopping areas.
"I've got something really cool to show everyone tomorrow."
"What's that?" asked Josh, scuffing his trainers along the tarmac pavement.
"Well… all I can let on is that you'll need swimming gear," she grinned.

"No!" Jess exclaimed when Hannah told her the plan. "No way, you dirty, dirty, DIRTY girl!"
"I only want to go to the fake beach for some swimming. It'll be great."
"I'm not going."
"Aw, come on, it'll be fun."
"For you and Josh, maybe, but what about the rest of us? We'll be lumbered with a jealous Jimmy and a generally crap day."
"Well, Josh and I are going tomorrow," said Hannah smugly, "so tough. You can stay in the crappy old library and read boring old plays if you want."
"Pinter is not boring! And it's a lovely library!"
"Not as lovely as Josh in trunks!"

Jess and Hannah were up, showered, casually dressed and informed on the latest news in the world by ten o'clock the next morning. They walked downstairs and fetched some breakfast, sitting down in the restaurant at a large table by the window.
After a while Patrick walked upstairs from the library to join them, followed shortly by Jimmy with a pair of binoculars around his neck. He sat down at the table receiving some strange looks from the people already present.
"What's with the binoculars, Jimmy?" asked Jess, feeling in a good mood this morning.
"Bird watching," Jimmy snapped.
"You look a bit tired, mate," Patrick commented.
"I got a perfect night of sleep, actually," snapped Jimmy, lying completely.
"See many birds?" enquired Hannah innocently.
"One."
"Oh, really?" snarled Jess, who was suspicious. "A lesser spotted Hannah-chubb, was it? I saw one yesterday."
"Erm… yeah," said Jimmy, not catching on to Jess's sarcasm.
"What's on the itinerary today?" asked Patrick, changing the subject.
"Josh and I are going swimming," Hannah said, happily. "Jimmy?"
"Birdwatching." Jess gave a snort of contempt which Jimmy ignored.
"Discussion of Stoppard's use of sarcasm within a serious tableau?" Patrick asked Jess.
"In a trendy coffee bar?" Jess asked excitedly.
Patrick nodded.
"Count me in!" she cried.

Meanwhile, in the bar, Cartman, Mik and Bruce were just about waking up. They were slumped on their bar stools and had been unconscious for most of the night.
"Dude, what a kick-ass night!" Cartman started, dropping off the bar stool and shaking cigarette butts off himself.
"I can't remember anything, mate," croaked Bruce.
"Me neither, mate," Mik replied.
"Aw, I never knew you guys were homos," Cartman laughed, remembering the night before.
Mik and Bruce looked at each other in horror… slowly the events of the night before came back to their memories.
"What?" asked Cartman. "Don't tell me you two a**holes are gonna tell me it was a load of crap – you were all over each other last night!"

Mik fell off his bar stool.
"I don't believe this, mate," said Bruce, looking at his collapsed friend.
"I'm not a homo, though, mate," whispered Mik.
"Aw, screw you guys, I'm going—" Cartman paused for thought. "…for breakfast!"

"'Closer' is not satirical, Patrick."
"Jess, it is; I think I should know, I wrote the damn play."
"It's not a satire, it's an observation."
"Rubbish!"
"No, it is! Where are you satirising anything in that play?!" The two arguers entered the corridor to see Jimmy peering through the keyhole of Jess and Hannah's door.
"What are you doing?" asked Patrick.
"Bir—"
"If you say 'bird watching', you die." Jess threatened.
Jimmy paused and reconsidered. He was going to come out with the idea of 'b*tch watching', but fate saved his a** – the door swung open and sent him flying down the corridor, and he banged the door of room 452 further down the corridor as he landed.
Hannah bounded out of the room, not noticing that she had almost brain damaged Jimmy. She recognised Jess immediately and ran up to her. "You're not going to believe this!" she said, in a high-pitched, excited voice.
"What?" said Jess, feeling like rolling her eyes… it was probably something to do with Josh's swimming trunks.
"Steve Coogan!" Hannah almost screamed.
"Oh my God!" said Jess. "Where?" She paused. "And why the hell are you bothered about him?"
"On the TV, and I'm not really bothered – I was faking it, for your sake."
"B*tch," muttered Jimmy. The bang on the head seemed to have done him some good.
"The TV?" Jess said, disappointed. "That's no good."
"Yeah, but he's being filmed live, and he's here – in Brisbane!"
Jess passed out.
Meanwhile, the door Jimmy had fallen against opened, slamming him up against the wall. "Ow!" he shouted, muffled by the door. "Watch it!"
Hannah gazed up at the figure in awe.
"Oh, hel—" started Josh, but Hannah put a hand over his face and pushed him backwards into their room. There was crash as he landed on the dressing table.
"Hmm… hi, Mr Affleck…" she stuttered.
Patrick stared in amazement – could there be literally any more Hollywood actors in Australia right now? "Why are you here, Mr Affleck?" he enquired.
"Waiting for Stevo S and lots of my Hollywood friends… they were meant to be here by yesterday." He broke off from the conversation and stared into space.
"Well, we have bad news for you," said Jimmy bluntly. "They're stranded in the bush."
A look of horror spread across Ben's face.
"Oh, and also – she's a b*tch." Jimmy pointed at Hannah.
"Yes, you've said that once," said Hannah, bored. "Hmm, well, I'm sorry about your friends," she continued with false concern. "Shall I try to cheer you up?"
Josh appeared at the door with a red hand mark across his face where Hannah had pushed him over. "Oi, what's going on?" he asked.
"Hmm… Ben…" Hannah mused, grinning.
"That's it, I'm leaving you to it." Patrick muttered, looking around at Hannah and her many admirers. He picked Jess up off the floor and dragged her down the corridor. "Come on, Jess, let's go and find Steve." They left Jimmy and Josh glaring at Hannah and the new entry Ben Affleck looking highly confused.
"I was only kidding," smiled Hannah. "You're very nice, I'm sure, Mr Affleck, but I don't like you in the way these guys are insinuating." She paused. "Actually, I don't like any of you. Except Josh. Can we go shopping for Silverchair stuff on the way to the beach?" she requested to Josh.

<< back to Book 1.2

� Jess and Hannah 2001