One hour later, Jimmy,
Josh, Ben and Hannah were all sitting on the crowded fake beach
in Brisbane.
"Hmm…" sighed Hannah as the water lapped over her
bare feet.
"Aw, Christ, put your shoes back on, Jesus!"
Jimmy moaned, holding his nose.
"Ah, piss off." Hannah was sick to death of Jimmy and
his whinging. Hannah was just beginning to relax when she heard
footsteps from both directions. She looked up and saw Mik, Bruce
and Cartman running at them from one direction and Jess and
Patrick from the other.
"I'm not a woofter!" Mik insisted, as he reached
Hannah.
"Honest to God, mate!" Bruce affirmed.
"He's gone!" Jess moaned.
"Yes, he's moved to his next venue – Newcastle,"
said Patrick.
Hannah
only caught hold of the conversation that Jess and Patrick were
holding. "You're kidding me! Newcastle Australia?"
"I think so… if there is a Newcastle in this strange
country…?"
"Of course there is!" Hannah exclaimed. By this point
Mik, Bruce and Cartman were having a large wrestle in the sand.
Ben stared at the pile of bodies and flying sand. "Who are they?"
"Those are two beach patrollers and a cartoon
character," Patrick said, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Oh… right," Ben said, averting his eyes.
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go to Newcastle and
find Steve!" Jess insisted.
"Spielberg?" Ben asked, hopefully.
"COOGAN!" everyone shouted back at him in
unison.
"For God's sake," Jess tutted, distastefully.
"Well, Silverchair live in Newcastle," Hannah said,
grinning. "Let's roll."
The limo wouldn't start.
"Hurry!" whinged Jess. "He's having one night off,
then he has a night in Newcastle then he goes!"
"OK, OK…" Hannah pressed the accelerator again.
The car revved, but didn't move.
"We'll get out and push," suggested Mik. He and Bruce
hopped out to push the huge limo.
Hannah revved again. Nothing
happened. Suddenly she looked down. "Damn, not in gear," she muttered, pulling the gear stick.
The limo lurched back suddenly. There was a bump.
"Oops…"
Silence
fell over the car.
Jess cleared her throat. "Patrick, dear, get out and check the boys are OK."
Patrick nodded slowly and got out.
"Ooh," said Hannah, forgetting that Mik, Bruce and
Patrick were outside the car, "I forgot the hand brake!
Silly me!" She pushed the hand brake down, and, not
realising that she still had the limo in reverse she put her foot
on the accelerator.
The car zoomed backwards.
There was a little bump and everyone heard Patrick swear. Then
there was another big bump like the one that had happened before.
Unfortunately there was no swearing this time. Jess screamed in
Hannah's ear to stop and she stepped on the brake. They looked
back out of the windows and saw Mik and Bruce lying on the floor
and Patrick hopping up and down holding his foot.
"Hannah!" Jess scowled at her and got out.
"Hey, I'm a beginner!" Hannah protested, also getting
out of the car.
Jimmy, Josh, Ben, Patrick, Jess, Cartman
and Hannah stood around the motionless (and rather mangled)
bodies of Mik and Bruce.
"God bless those homos," Cartman said patriotically.
"They weren't," Hannah said.
"Dude, they were! You should have seen them in the bar last
night…" Cartman trailed off knowingly.
"How's your foot, love?" Jess asked Patrick, ignoring
the bodies.
"Not too bad, thanks."
Hannah burst into tears. "I'm never driving again!" she blurted between sobs.
"Oh dear… well, who's going to drive?" enquired
Patrick, trying to look on the bright side of Hannah's emotional
breakdown.
"I can't," said Jess.
"Me neither," muttered Jimmy.
"I'm too short," said Cartman.
"Don't look at me," said Ben.
Everyone turned around
and looked at him.
"I said don't look at me!"
he shouted.
"Well, I've only ever been driven around by
chauffeurs," Josh muttered.
"I'm only licensed to drive on my island." Patrick
said, deflated.
"Well, we'll just have to go by plane then, because there's
no other way of getting there quick enough," said Josh.
Jess felt a piece of paper
hit the back of her head.
"Hannah, stop it!" she warned, turning around.
"I'm not on this coach so you can use me for target
practise!" Hannah laughed and screwed up more paper to
throw.
The bus bounced everyone up in the air. They landed in
alternate seats.
"Woah, they really
should do road repairs out here," said Jimmy, feeling happy
he had landed in Josh's seat, because he would be by the window.
22 hours later the bus
driver was completing his tour of the bush.
"And finally… there's the small burra-burra bush."
"How uninteresting." Murmured Hannah, half asleep.
Suddenly, she pointed, and there, in front of them, was
Newcastle.
<< back to Book 1.2
� Jess and Hannah 2001