"Woah, it's getting late," Jess commented, looking at her watch.
"Yeah, we should be getting some sleep," Jimmy said, still sulking.
"Well, I have two beds-" Patrick started.
"Bags I get one!" Hannah said grinning.
"Are they in the same room?" Jimmy asked.
"Yes."
"Then I'm having the other one," Jimmy concluded. He wasn't leaving Hannah in the same room as Patrick overnight.
"Right, OK," Patrick said, forcing a smile, "so I guess it's you and I on the floor in here, then, Jess," he added, smiling, "and Cartman can have the sofa."
"Uh huh," Jess croaked, dazzled by Patrick's excellent use of grammar - 'You and I'. Oooh.

The lights had been out for about five minutes.
"Hannah..." Jimmy started.
"Yeah?" said Hannah slowly.
"Nothing," said Jimmy, rolling over onto his side. The camp bed underneath him squeaked like a trapped, strangled cat.
Hannah sighed. "Fine," she commented, sounding tired. "Night."
There was silence in the Post Office back bedroom.
Jimmy stared at the wall and sighed. After a minute he started up again. "Hannah?"
Hannah lost her temper, this was the fourth time that Jimmy had started saying something. "Jimmy... shut up and go to sleep. I'm too tired to have any sort of conversation with you."
Silence fell in the room and Jimmy blushed, embarrassed in the dark. Through the open window, the waves could be heard lapping on the shore of the tiny island.
Two minutes later, Hannah started. "Jimmy?"

Meanwhile, in the Post Office's main room, Jess, who was lying on the sofa, tossed and turned uncomfortably.
"Jess, what's wrong? Can't you sleep?" Patrick asked from his position on the floor.
"Erm, no."
"Why not?"
"Dunno. I'm thinking about...stuff."
Patrick rolled over towards the sofa. "I can make you a cup of tea, if you want."
"Isn't there caffeine in tea?"
"Oh... not sure."
"Better not." There was a silence. Jess tossed and turned a bit more. "Patrick?"
"Yes?"
"Could you talk to me... about Steve Coogan?"
Patrick laughed. "OK... if you really want!"
Jess closed her eyes, listened to the tales of Steve's success at the Edinburgh festival in 1992, and drifted to sleep.

Cartman meanwhile had given up trying to sleep in the same room as Jess and Patrick after the tales of Steve Coogan had started. He got up and walked out of the front door of the Post Office. The door bell rang as he opened and shut it. He finally settled down outside in the dinghy.

Jess woke up to the sound of clinking cups, she soon realised where she was and quickly checked that she wasn't laying in a stupid position.
"Morning," said Patrick, noticing Jess was awake.
"Hi," said Jess, "the others up yet?"
"No, haven't heard anything."

Hannah slowly opened her eyes and smelt fish, the first thing she noticed was Jimmy standing over her.
"I caught you a fish for breakfast," he said excitedly.
"I hate fish," said Hannah abruptly.
"Oh," Jimmy looked crestfallen.
"Go and put it back in the sea," said Hannah, struggling to get up.
"OK," said Jimmy, walking out of the back door of the Post Office. He ran straight into Patrick. "Oh, hello," said Jimmy coldly.
"That looks like a good fish," said Patrick.
"Mind your own business," Jimmy snapped, stomping down the sand, wobbling and almost falling over at one point.
"Suit yourself." Patrick shrugged, walking out.

Cartman staggered into the Post Office with a large crab attached firmly to his nose.
"Aw, Jesus Christ, you guys!" he squealed, flapping his hands helplessly at his face.
"Stay still," Patrick said, taking control as he rose from the table where Jess, Hannah and he had been sitting. Patrick quickly and deftly detached the crab from Cartman's nose.
"AWW...JESUS...!" Cartman moaned, nursing his pink nose.
"Fancy crab for breakfast?" Patrick asked Jess, holding it up, "I know you like seafood."
Jess nodded, and excused herself to "go to the toilet" before she went all gooey.

Hannah sulked at the kitchen table. She looked up at Patrick. "Um... Mr Marber?"
"Oh, call me Patrick, please."
"Sorry, Patrick... is it possible to have something else other than this?" Hannah pointed at the roast crab lying in the middle of the table.
"Sure!" Patrick smiled, getting up and walking over to the kitchen cupboards.
Jimmy sat and chewed on a crab arm. "What's your problem with fish?" he asked Hannah, keeping his eyes down at the table.
"I don't like it," Hannah said shortly.
"Each to their own," said Jess grabbing another crab thigh.
"Would you like a top-up on TPC, little man?" said Patrick.
Cartman sat on the sofa, holding a cotton bud soaked in TPC on his nose. "Nah, I just want another bit of that crab," Cartman said, eyeing it angrily, "little b*st*rd. I want to eat the claws!" Cartman lunged at the claw Jess had her eye on, and she frowned as he cracked it open.
"So, what time do we leave?" asked Jimmy, nonchalantly.
"Leave?!" Hannah gasped, her eyes snapping over to look at the Silverchair cabinet.
"Leave?!" Cartman shouted at the same time, looking lovingly at the crab.
"Leave...?" Jess practically whispered, gazing at Patrick.
"Yes," Jimmy said, "we can't stay... here."
"Why not?" asked Hannah.
"Well, because it's not out island."
"You're all welcome to stay as long as-"
"Shut it, you!" Jimmy interrupted Patrick mid-sentence.

"Right," Jimmy said, "sorry to leave you Patrick, nice to have met you," Jimmy explained formally, stepping out of the dinghy to shake his hand.
"I would say the same in role reversal, Jimmy, but you haven't been that pleasant ever since you arrived, to be honest."
Jimmy smiled and got back in the dinghy where Cartman, Hannah and Jess were already sitting. Jimmy picked up the paddle he had bought from the Post Office and started to stab at the sand, trying to push the dinghy out to sea.
"WAIT!" screamed Hannah.
Jimmy stopped and looked at her. She got out of the boat and stood on the sand with her hands on her hips, "I'm sorry Jimmy, I'm not leaving without the cabinet."
"Me too," said Jess.
"You like Silverchair?" gasped Hannah.
"No," she laughed, "don't be silly! But, I'm not leaving without Patrick." Everyone stared at Patrick and Patrick stared at Jess. Hannah frowned at Jess. "I mean... how on Earth am I going to find Steve without the help of one of his friends?" she smiled at Patrick.
Everyone turned around and looked at Cartman.
"What!? Screw you guys! I wanna go kill a kangaroo in Australia." He stayed in the dinghy.
"FINE!" screamed a frustrated Jimmy. For the second time today, he stomped over the sand and went into the Post Office. Everyone else waited for him outside but after a minute he started pinging the bell on the pay desk. Patrick walked into the shop and found Jimmy standing by the counter with his arms full of all the Silverchair merchandise out of the cupboard.
Patrick started adding up the prices. "Look, I know we don't get on well," he started, "but if we're travelling in a dinghy together to Australia, I think we should be civil."
"Yeah..." Jimmy said quietly, "I guess you're right... I'm just... jealous, I guess," he murmured.
"Jealous of what?" said Patrick, surprised.
"Well, Hannah seems to spend a lot more time and attention on you."
Patrick chuckled. "I'm not trying to take her away from you, don't worry."
Jimmy looked relieved. "Oh yeah... and just one more thing." Jimmy added, holding a Post Office bag full of Silverchair goodies in his right hand. "Do you like Jess?"
Patrick blushed. "I'd better lock up." He hurried away into his bedroom quickly and shut the door behind him.

<< back to Book 1.1

� Jess and Hannah 2001