Welcome to the Iziz guide to Dudeism. Dudeism is a religion that I... well, made up. In fact, when I grow up, I'll build a village, called Dudeville, where the dominant religion is Dudeism. That village will grow into a town, then a city, and eventually, we'll evolve into a country. And then the next step.... THE WORLD!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
So, lets talk about Dude.
Dude is the guy in the sky. He's the head honcho, the big boss. And he's the guy we worship in Dudeism. We regularly make sacrifices to Dude, such as food items, school supplies, and evil substitute teachers which Dude does not approve of. Just remember: Never, EVER sacrifice a high fibre, high protein, low fat strawberry snack bar to Dude. Dude does not approve of high fibre, protein, and low fat, strawberry snack bars. In fact, Dude DESPISES high fibre, high protein, and low fat strawberry snack bars. So don't even think about it.
Suggested sacrifices:
The baloney and cheese sandwich your mom packed for lunch
That stupid kid who tried to steal your sacrifice to Dude
Your pet goldfish
Your science essay that is due next period
Your science teacher
A high fibre, high protein, low fat BLUEBERRY snack bar (now those are safe)
These are just suggested sacrifices. You can sacrifice anything, as long as it isn't a high fibre, high protein, low fat strawberry snack bar. We also recommend that you don't attempt to sacrifice a certain 200lb kid named Erik, for reasons which I will describe below.
Ok, so, you know what to sacrifice (or at least what not to sacrifice). So where do we sacrifice this stuff? At the freezing craphole, of course. Where is the freezing craphole? By Mt. Fuji. Duh. If you don't happen to live near the freezing craphole, or just don't have access to it, you can dig your own craphole in your backyard, if necessary. But it is suggested that you sacrifice stuff at the freezing craphole. That way, you are closer to Dude when you make your sacrifice, and Dude will like you better because you went into all the trouble of going to Mt. Fuji to drop off a sacrifice. Maybe Dude will even communicate with you. Then you'd be REALLY lucky. And, by the way, the reason we recommended that you didn't try to sacrifice the 200lb kid named Erik, is that he'd probably get stuck halfway down. Then we'd have to bring out the giant plunger, and it would take hours to get him out. So just stay clear of sacrificing 200lb Eriks, ok? And also, make sure that you don't fall into the freezing craphole as you drop your sacrifices down there. Its a long way down. And its no ordinary hole. Its a craphole. So what do you think is down there? And it isn't an ordinary craphole either. Its a freezing craphole. So crap freezes as it goes down. If the crap freezes, so will you.