After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease,
combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following,
your husband will surely die.
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure
he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can
take to work and for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him.
Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.
Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his
stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing
lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs. Most importantly,
make love with your husband several times a week andsatisfy his every whim.
If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year,
I think your husband will regain his health.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, What did the doctor say?
"You're going to die," she replied.
Money can buy a house, but not a home.
Money can buy a bed, but not sleep.
Money can buy a clock, but not time.
Money can buy a book, but not knowledge.
Money can buy food, but not an appetite.
Money can buy position, but not respect.
Money can buy blood, but not life.
Money can buy medicine, but not health.
Money can buy sex, but not love.
Money can buy insurance, but not safety.
You see, money is not everything.
Therefore, if you have some extra money,
please send it to me,immediately.
After dinner and a movie, Carl drove his date to a quiet country road
and made his move. When Mary responded enthusiastically to his kissing,
he tried sliding his hand up her blouse.
Suddenly, she jerked away, got out of the car is a hurry,
and ran home. Later that night, she wrote in her diary,
"A girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On their next date, Carl returned to the country road. As they were
kissing passionately, Carl slid his hand up Mary's skirt.
Once again, she pulled away, got out of the car, and hurried home.
Later that night, she wrote in her diary,
"I repeat, a girl's best friends are her own two legs."
On the third date, the pair returned to the country road.
This time, Mary didn't get home until very late.
That night, she wrote in her diary,
"There comes a time when even the best of friends must part."
A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam.
The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that
he would be with him in just a few minutes.
When the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there
were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk:
a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer.
When the doctor came in, the man said,
"Look Doc, this is my first exam. I know what the K-Y is for,
and I know what the glove is for, but what's the beer for?"
At that instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed
over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse,
"Dammit, nurse! I said a butt light!"