I HOPE YOU LIKE THEM.....
A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is
in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is!
I think I should be in the third grade too!"
The teacher had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office.
The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and
if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to
the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.
Johnny was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and
he agrees to take the test.Principal: "What is 3x3?"Johnny: "9"
Principal: "What is 6x6?"Johnny: "36"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third
grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her,
"I think Johnny can go to the third grade," The teacher says to the
principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" The principal andJohnny both agree.
The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have
only two of?" Johnny, after a moment, "legs"
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal' eyes open really wide and before he couldstop the answer,
Johnny replied," Pockets".
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
"Put Johnny in the fifth grade, I missed the last two questions".
One day these two fine southern ladies were sittin on the porch
having some iced tea. One of the women sticks out her hand for the
other woman to see, and in her long southern drawl says
"Look at this ring my husband gave me. Isn't it nice?"
To which the other woman replies, "Oh that's nice, that's real nice."
The first woman then says , "And just last month he took me on
one of them Caribbean cruises."
The second woman again replies, "Oh that's nice, that's real nice."
"Well sweetheart doesn't your husband ever buy you nice things or
send you nice places?"
"Oh", the second woman responds, "When we first got married he sent
me to etiquette school.""Why'd he do that?" the first woman asks.
To which the second woman replies, "Well you see, before,
when someone told me about the jewelry their husband gave them,
or the trips he sent her on, I would have just said
'I don't give a fuck', but now I say that's nice, that's real nice."
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument
about who enjoys sex more. The man said,
"Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.
Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered.
"Think about this: When your ear itches and you put your little
finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out,
which feels better-your ear or your finger?"