Don's Christmas

'Tis the week before Christmas
And all through the place
Every creature is stirring
Coffee with bad taste.

The scene quickly changes,
As a scene always does,
To a swamp by the city.
Why? Just because.

In just a few days
Christmas will be here
And then big, old Don
Will spread Christmas cheer.

It will be around midnight
And then big, old Don
Will have a craving for beer
So he'll go to see Ron.

Ron is a fat,
Rather cheery old fellow
And he really detests
That stuff Mello Yello

They'll go to the fridge
And stick they're hands in
And pull out their beers
And the drinking begins.

The swamp is quite loud
And Ron gets ticked off.
So he'll storm out the door
And get attacked by a moth.

The moth quickly wins
'Cause Ron is so drunk.
He'll go to his car
And climb in the trunk.

The lid will slam shut
Leaving Ron in a jam.
'Til tiny little elves
Jump out of his Spam.

They open the trunk.
Ron jumps right out.
Catch his foot on the edge
And begin to pout.

He'll fall on his face
And boy will it hurt
And just at that time
In pulls his friend Kurt.

Kurt is drunk too.
He'll see his bud Ron.
He'll go on inside
To see big, old Don.

Don will then leave
And head straight for home
But he'll have some business
So he'll head to the dome.

The Hoosier Dome
Is what waits in sight.
He'll buy the whole thing
And then lock it up tight.

He'll quickly race home
And what do you know?
He runs into the back
Of his beat up Yugo.

But he will not care
'Bout that old piece of junk.
As long as his wife
Never knows that he's drunk.

He'll hop into bed
And look at the clock.
It's four in the morning.
From his door comes a knock.

He'll quickly get up
'Cause his wife is asleep.
If she'd see him awake
His trouble'd be deep.

He'll answer the door.
It's his good old bud Ron.
Looks like he was attacked
By a huge Mastodon.

He'll slam the door in his face
And he'll look at the tree
And he'll think to himself,
"God, I love being me!"

It is then that he'll see it
All the presents are there.
"Gee, I was wrong.
The kids sure do care."

And he'll stand there
A tear in his eye
And he'll remember that feeling
He gets in July.

That feeling of love,
Of joy, and forgiving
That makes him feel special,
A supreme human being.

He'll go to the door
And let old Ron in
And they'll sit by the fire
Without drinking gin.

His children'll come down
And he'll give them a hug.
When he opens his presents
All he'll find is a mug.

He'll swear off his drinking
Of wine and of beer
He won't drink again.
At least till New Year's.

Yes Christmas brings cheer
And laughter and love
And please don't get drunk
And lose to a dove.

Merry Christmas to you
and a Happy New Year.
And when you're out drinking
Have only one beer.

copyright � 1993 Junior Press, Inc.