The Story Behind "In The Moment"

The Story Behind
"In The Moment"

I would love to be able to say that when I began this project I had a vision in mind. But that wouldn't be very true. All that I really knew is that I wanted to do another album. The previous album, Euphonious Corpus, kind of started with a vision but then just went off in it's own mystic direction. As gratifying as that was, I wanted to improve on that effort. I upgraded and added equipment to my new studio and was fresh with inspiration having just met my best friend and soulmate, Aleksandra, the previous year. Consequently the first song to be born was You've Never Looked More Beautiful.
Wanting to capture all the feelings I was experiencing in our growing relationship, I was really tempted to overproduce it. Afterall, big and exciting feelings call for a big and exciting sound, right? Fortunately for me, Aleksandra (being a musician herself) was listening to the recording as it progressed and ever so slowly and gently began to offer suggestions. One of which was " I think there's enough instrument parts now, honey ". And with that inauspicious beginning, she became the producer of the album. I have to say that keeping me in line and focused was an extremely difficult job for my parents when I was growing up. And Aleksandra faced the same challenge. But with her extraordinary tact and carefully thought out suggestions, I believe the album ultimately came out better than if I had done it alone.

Before the recording was finished, I had started writing another song about my oldest son. In 1997 he was on his way home one very cold January night when the right front tire of his car blew out. The car just missed the guardrail and corkscrewed underneath an overpass into a shallow valley on the other side. It landed on the top edge of the driver's side of the car and crushed it around his head. Thankfully, though the highway was somewhat deserted that night and his car had slid quite a ways off the highway, a car that was a fairly long distance behind him saw his tail lights disappear. This good samaritan stopped and, realizing the severity of the accident, immediately called for help. The timeliness of that call and the frigid temperature were, according to the doctors, probably the two main factors that saved his life. As a result of the accident, my son Matt was in a coma for approxinmately 6 weeks after which he began the long road of rehabilitation. All Of A Sudden came from that episode. Because of the emotional trauma I and my family had endured through that period, it had taken me almost 6 years before I was able to attempt to put the experience into a song.

Now that the first song was ready for mixdown and All Of A Sudden was almost complete I suddenly felt that old familiar feeling - writer's block. The well had gone dry. And I was bummed out. At about that same time, I happen to run across an old reel-to-reel tape of a demo of the song High School Days that former M.C. & DeFeis/Legacy bandmate Mark DeFeis and I had recorded at Cavern Studios in Independence, Missouri back in November of 1973. It had been part of an audition we had with the long since defunct Delta Records label (that's a whole other story in itself) and I only had the first half of the song. It was customary back then that full length audition tapes were not given to the artists. I would guess that was so we couldn't use them elsewhere. Mark DeFeis had suggested some time ago that I redo the song but I felt it was hopelessly dated and not worth the effort. Now that I was in a "dry" period, Aleksandra reinterated the suggestion to me adding that maybe I could use some of the original recording. That started the wheels turning. I went and got an old Pioneer reel-to-reel machine that someone had given me quite a few years before and went to work making it usable again. I was able to jury rig it enough to be able to re-record the demo into digital. From that point an idea hit me that I should rewrite the second half. The first half of the song representing my point of view when I was 19 and the second from my perspective 30 years later. Once the lyrics were rewritten I began the most challenging part - putting it all together. I started by recording the "new" section, trying to match the sound of my old Ventura 12-string as closely as possible. And a challenge it was indeed. With a lot of EQ I think I at least came close. Then while I was listening to the original track, I played over it and then crossfaded to the new track where I added the vocals, bass, keyboards and drums. The funniest part of it for me was how my voice had changed over the years. If you listen closely you can definitely hear the difference.

Once the recording was finished, I felt I was getting back into the swing of things. The idea and inspiration for the next song came from a situation that developed at work with a co-worker and good friend of mine. The company had declared a surplus and he was on the chopping block. At the same time, a number of managers were also threatened and my supervisor, who I admire very much for his straightforwardness and dedication, was also in danger. As a result of my frustration with both of these situations the blues influenced Company Fool came along.

I was in the middle of recording Company Fool when my daughters, Melissa and Mallory, came up from Kansas City for a visit. Shortly after their arrival, Melissa asked me if I would help her with a song she was writing. She had just endured the breakup of a long time relationship and had the lyrics and a melody in mind but had reached an impasse as far as the music behind the song was concerned. The first night she was here, we went down to the studio and the guitar part for Starving For Affection was born. Over the next two days, I recorded the guitar part along with Melissa's vocals. After they returned home I went back and added the keyboards, bass, and drums. After it had been mixed down, I was impressed with the innocence and emotion in her voice so I called her and asked permission to include it in the album. Fortunately she "wow, that'd be great Dad!"

During this same visit my youngest daughter, Mallory, had been suffering through some pretty traumatic emotional stuff and had just met her soon-to-be husband, Mike. Having watched her struggle through this period, and feeling pretty helpless as I imagine most fathers do in those situations, I penned Feeling It All Tonight. The first time I played it for her a couple of months later,there were tears in her eyes and I knew it had to be part of the album.

Now I realized the album had taken it's own direction without my being aware of it. It was predominantly about those nearest and dearest to my heart. So I went with the flow. Remembering how I felt when Melissa had graduated from high school and knowing her plans for starting her new life set the stage for On Your Own. The song came together rather quickly and was recorded and mixed down in a little over a week. And , of course, it's her favorite.

Being in a somewhat introspective mood at this point in the album, and knowing that I wasn't getting any younger, my thoughts wandered to a long time favorite singer/songwriter of mine, James Taylor. Having recently seen him in a televised rerun of one of his concerts a few years back, it struck me that here's a guy older than me and still doing what he loves AND doing it well. That energizing thought planted the seeds for He's Old Like Me and though I felt at the time that it wasn't one of my best, the number of downloads at iTunes, Rhapsody, and so on have proven me wrong. A very good lesson in objectivity!

Now I was left with one nagging thought. I had written songs for the love of my life, three of my children, and two very close friends but there was one left to do. And it was by far the hardest of them all. When my son, Michael, was born it was very hard delivery. But things seemed normal until a month and three days after his birth. It was the morning of my 24th birthday and when we awoke we realized Michael had slept through the night. What a gift I remember thinking. But the happiness was shortlived when we realized we couldn't wake him. Later that same day, after trying numerous suggestions from our doctor, we went to the emergency room and were given horrific news. Michael had a subdural hematoma that was causing pressure in his brain - and he wasn't expected to live through the night. But, as he did many times over the course of the next nine years, he proved the doctors wrong. It was a tough life for him and us and was probably the main factor in the ending of our marriage. Shortly after my wife and I had separated, I got a call one cold November evening - Michael was gone. He had passed quietly and peacefully in his sleep at the age of nine.

I knew the time had finally come for me to write about him but I struggled. Though 16 years had passed and I had learned to continue on, the pain once again became very real. When it came time to record the vocals, I went down to the studio alone, turned off most of the lights, and went to work. As it turned out, In The Moment was more of a healing experience than I could have ever imagined. The turning point where I finally was able to let him go. During mixdown it became evident that this song would be the title track. Not a conscious thought really. I just knew. There was no choice. I felt it was meant to be. On a higher plane I knew the song was one of hope and the realization that all of our lives are made of moments - moments that will pass and never be again. And so with that song, I knew the album was complete....

And now on to the next album. It's a road that's familiar and yet unexplored. And it will be a fascinating journey. I can't wait to see where it leads me.

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